It seems that Hairy legs can capture people's imaginations!

I don't mean to go on about this today; however, I am sooo excited. Another amazing review and suddenly people are beginning to write to me about this book. Last night saw a surge in sales because I released an Amazon advertising campaign. In truth I never thought that hairy legs would capture people's imaginations.

Here is the latest review for the audio version:

5.0 out of 5 stars"The Hairy Legged Mystery" soon to be a hairy legged literary hit!

By Felix Winters on September 25, 2016

Format: Audible Audio Edition

"The Hairy Legged Mystery" is a fun story that keeps the reader guessing to figure out to What or Whom the hairy legs belong! After the suspense builds and builds keeping young readers hooked and highly entertained, at last all is revealed in a satisfying and oddly edifying manner. This book has a creative plot premise and is easy for a child to comprehend and enjoy. The characters are all well defined and I thought Lisa Hicks did a great job of bringing them to life using her considerable talent as an audio book reader. My daughter and I both loved listening to the book more than once on Audible and would like to commend both Author and Reader for their successful efforts putting together "The Hairy Legged Mystery." We are looking forward to more from this talented twosome!
Felix Winters

I will be honest after going through the redundancy process for  the last three months, to have such positive feedback on your writing is really appreciated. You know what I am hoping.... yes you have guessed it - that my sales increase to the state where I can work as a full time author... I never thought I would say that... Today I hope this is the turning point...  We will see what happens... Life has its plan, let's hope that mine is the same:)

Time for a little dance!

Enjoy my audio books at the following link:

http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

AUDIO LINK: http://www.audible.com/pd/Kids/The-Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Audiobook/B01H2HF0XU/ref=a_search_c4_1_2_srTtl?qid=1471619538&sr=1-2

The Cucumber Catastrophe in The Hairy-Legged Mystery....

Today has been fun because I have had numerous questions about The Hairy-Legged Mystery and where such an idea came from. In all honesty these amusing little things just pop into my head and I find myself smirking. I then think hmmmm how can I turn this into something that will make me laugh while I write. It is that simple... Anyway Lisa Hicks is the voice behind The Hairy-Legged Mystery and I feel that I would love to share her voice interpretation. She has me in hysterics! So here is the moment in the book where the cucumber patch is in a bit of a disaster!

I hope you all find it amusing...

Enjoy my audio books at the following link:

http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

AUDIO LINK: http://www.audible.com/pd/Kids/The-Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Audiobook/B01H2HF0XU/ref=a_search_c4_1_2_srTtl?qid=1471619538&sr=1-2

Sneak Audio Preview of Elora, The One-Winged Fairy and The Last Baby Giggle

Okay I admit it, I might be a little bit excited... Why? Well today I have spent the day working through the audio version of Elora, The One-Winged Fairy... And The Last Baby Giggle. I have to admit it really had me giggling and I wrote it. Is that as bad as laughing at your own jokes? I guess so... Anyway I have put a sample up and will be putting another sample of The Hairy-Legged Mystery on the next blog because something happened over night and people have been asking me all manner of questions about these books. I guess it ties in with the sales increasing.

So I hope you enjoy this. Just so you know... the inspiration for the laughter being sucked from the world came from an environment where I worked where the atmosphere could be likened to a stagnant fart. It was such a shame... The people became so miserable and fed up. I was fine because I do have an inner landscape full of fairy adventures, hairy-legged mysteries and my own jokes. Admittedly I glad to be free to get on with my writing for a while.

Enjoy my audio books at the following link:

http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

A fantasy fairy fiction novel for girls aged 8 and older...

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Elora-One-Winged-Fairy-Last-Giggle-ebook/dp/B01KYHM1G4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472123774&sr=8-1&keywords=Elora+the+one+winged+fairy

AUDIO LINK: http://www.audible.com/pd/Kids/The-Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Audiobook/B01H2HF0XU/ref=a_search_c4_1_2_srTtl?qid=1471619538&sr=1-2

Dinosaur distraction and the art of focus!

There are not many people who can use a dinosaur as an excuse to be distracted from writing or an excuse for procrastination; however, I have evidence. After releasing Elora, The One-Winged- Fairy, I thought I would move straight into editing the next book in the line. I have to admit it is such a pleasure being on garden leave because I have the time to complete and release my backlog of books before moving into my new career.  As much as I enjoy being able to edit at home, sitting in a café watching the world for inspiration is a nice way in which to progress the next works.

So there I am in deep thought, and somewhat amused by the fact I wrote a book about a blooming fairy, I look up and there we have it: a dinosaur in the shopping arcade. Of course people would assume it is an over-active imagination. I guess people have been sectioned for less. Imagine all those children who would say to their parents - look there is a dinosaur shopping and their parents would dismiss it as 'the imaginary friend syndrome gone prehistoric!' Admittedly it is random to witness such a phenomenon. Is it a sign? Maybe I will write a book about dinosaurs next... I certainly had not planned on writing a fairy book. I hope I don't get creatively 'haunted' by a Tyrannosaurus Rex! Imagine waking up in the night to a phantom dinosaur saying 'you must write about me!' In that half-awake state herds of dinosaurs buying hats to protect them from the sun pop up all over the bedroom... I won't go off on a creative rant; however, ideas come from everywhere and this just shows that sometimes you just have to look up from the laptop to have inspiration arrive.

ELORA, THE ONE WINGED FAIRY AND THE LAST BABY GIGGLE LINK:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Elora-One-Winged-Fairy-Last-Giggle-ebook/dp/B01KYHM1G4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472123774&sr=8-1&keywords=Elora+the+one+winged+fairy

A fantasy fairy fiction novel for girls aged 8 and older...

Can having your legs waxed wipe out the electricity in a remote Sri Lankan village?

Can having your legs waxed wipe out the electricity in a remote Sri Lankan village?

One of my great friends is convinced that I got the inspiration for one of my more recent children's books from a leg waxing experience. In fact, she announced on the train that while we were in Sri Lanka that my leg wax caused a static burst that destroyed the electricity connections across a village... She said I was 'The Hairy-Legged Mystery!'

As with all myths, this one started when I looked at my 'holiday' legs and thought they needed a wax. That afternoon, while we were travelling on  a Sri Lankan train, my friend frowned at me and said 'I think those hairy-bad-boys need a wax'. She pointed at my legs rather than any other part of my body. So after travelling across Sri Lanka by train, we came to a lovely village in the mountains. It was here we found a beauty salon that had a rather good waxing menu. So while I volunteered myself for a hair-ripping experience, my great friend negotiated a rather large gin in a giant jar. She was happy to say the least and I knew, being that she was a laughter therapist, that the bar was going to be in laughaceous uproar by the time I returned.

That evening I dubiously I crossed the road and my friend waved with a huge smirk on her face and a jar of gin in her hand. She knew I hated waxing but it was necessary. Legs that resembled cousin IT, from the Adam's family was not attractive and resulted in some terrible tan lines. What's more a hairy halo around one's legs was drawing some rather curious looks from the locals.

So there I am with two lovely Sri Lankan beauticians concealing their hairy horror. The wax was applied and Rrrrip! All the village lights went out. In complete darkness I wondered whether the hair on ones' legs could create an enormous static burst... Who was I to deny the fact that the timing was immaculate? Could one quantum hair destroy a planet? Could a hairy-legged entanglement wipe out a village electricity? 'Oh madam,' said one of the beauticians. The pair proceeded to shine their mobile torches and continued with the hair-ripping escapades.

When I was smooth-legged I returned to the bar which was lit by candles and my friend had in fact befriended at least thirty people. She was hysterical because she had been watching me lie on the beauty bench and had awaited the wax. When the lights went out with the first rip she fell about in hysterics. She said I was the only person she knew who could wipe out a remote villages' electricity with one wax strip! With that little experience in mind is it any wonder that unconsciously I wrote a book called 'The Hairy-Legged Mystery?' What is strange for me is that little event had slipped my mind because I have since experienced other rather funny events. The thing is the new cover has been sent through... And when I showed it to my friend she fell about laughing. She said that the image reminded her of Sri Lanka and how my legs looked prior to waxing.. Well we all get inspiration from somewhere! So The Hairy-Legged mystery creation myth can now be related to a remote village having a complete static burst from one pair of hairy legs!

LINK TO THE HAIRY LEGGED MYSTERY:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Kids/The-Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Audiobook/B01H2HF0XU/ref=a_search_c4_1_2_srTtl?qid=1471619538&sr=1-2

Quick Update - New Cover on Audible for Love Hunt - Dating Game - A Kiss and Email Romantic Comedy!

With Bridget Jones soon to return to the big screen, it seems that chic-lit lovers are searching for something similar - lucky me! So I have changed my LOVE HUNT - DATING GAME cover on Audible, ITunes and Amazon Audio to match the LOVE HUNT books on Amazon. I would love to hear any comments you have. You can tweet to me on Rubywritesbooks or comment below... Thank you all for your support and suggestions on the colour for the covers! It is great to hear what you are looking for when buying a book!  It seems pink, pink and very bright pink will capture your attention!

LINK TO LOVE HUNT - DATING GAME - A KISS & EMAIL ROMANTIC COMEDY!
http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-Dating-Game-Audiobook/B015G4ICYA/ref=a_search_c4_1_6_srTtl?qid=1471533226&sr=1-6

The Hairy-Legged Mystery Voice Sample..

The Hairy-Legged Mystery,

Narrated by Lisa Hicks

One afternoon, while Ben and Jenny play in the garden, Ben notices a pair of extremely hairy legs belonging to a huge creature hiding in their hedge. Just as they investigate, they are called in for tea. From that moment on, the pair attempt to determine what the creature is.
During the night, they watch from their bedroom window and can see the outline of a hairy shape lurking in the darkness. It had to be a monster didn't it? What did that monster want? The whole thing was turning into a mystery. Why had the cucumber patch been destroyed? Had the creature taken the fruit bowl? Why would the prize roses be beheaded? Was the creature trying to get their attention? The whole thing had turned into a hairy-legged mystery!

Link TO THE AUDIO BOOK:
http://www.audible.com/pd/Kids/The-Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Audiobook/B01H2HF0XU/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1466355259&sr=1-1#publisher-summary

Are You Having A Laugh?

Are you having a laugh?

Come on admit it: there is nothing like a good belly laugh or laughing until there are tears streaming from your eyes and you can hardly breathe. In fact laughing hysterically is one of my favourite things and I indulge in it regularly. That is why I returned to writing children’s books because I can step into a world of wonder, where the most ridiculous scenarios have me shaking with laughter or force me to take a stroll around the room to get myself back in order. The thing is laughter is infectious. It lifts our energy and even on a cell level contributes to our health. So why aren’t we laughing more? Or laughing as much as possible?

There was a time when I was working for a large corporation and the head of the department, who appeared as though he had a smell under his nose, passed by while I was shaking with laughter. He paused by my desk and asked whether I was actually laughing. I replied that I was. He seemed bemused, as if he had not witnessed laughter in a long time.  Later that day I was called into an office and advised by my manger that I was to limit my conversation to ‘Good Morning and Good Night’ and certainly no laughter shenanigans. I asked him whether he realised that a happy team was a highly productive team. He avoided answering. I also questioned him - I said since people spend a huge amount of time at work – did they expect them to be robots? His response was ‘yes they wanted robots.’ They wanted the ‘robots’ to produce. Needless to say, I handed in my resignation. Within three months ninety percent of team left because the atmosphere had died and people did not want to spend their days doing a mundane job in misery. The remaining ten percent happened to be one person – the manager.

 

As the complete opposite to the above, my great friend is a laughter therapist and laughter yoga teacher. She uses laughter to break down internal barriers. She has developed quite a reputation and recently was asked to hold a speech for the police. So guess what she did? She got a huge hall of police people to laugh like the laughing policeman until everyone was shaking with laughter. The atmosphere in the room was so energised that everything she said was inspired. The room was united in laughter and each and every police officer who attended that talk left with such a positive experience that they would attend again.  The thing is laughter unites people and makes them more open. Don’t you gravitate to the person who is filled with laughter instead of the one who stands like a black-hole filled with doom?

With all the above in mind, I have taken some time out from writing my intensively researched books to having a bit of fun with some children’s books. Some of my colleagues at work asked me to put something together that would appeal to their children. So I came up with The Hairy-Legged Mystery, which went on sale last week, was snapped up for audio this week and the production is already complete and should be released next week. The same thing happened with Tingle Dingle and The Little Mischiefs. Both of these books were written for personal entertainment and friends and were not expected to be put out into the wider market. Instead I wrote them with the intention to create something that made me laugh out loud at the desk and would be fun for my friends to read to their children. I admit, I do do some rather bizarre things and crying at the desk could be considered one of them. The way that I see it is that I write for sheer enjoyment and creativity - that enjoyment involves belly laughter, general tears of laughter at the desk and titles like a ‘cucumber catastrophy.’

What I have realised through creating these books is that laughter is precious. Laughter lifts our spirits and illuminates our souls. The question ‘are you having a laugh?’ made me consider how can I bring more laughter to the world. There is so much doom and gloom around and endless fear being perpetuated that I came to the conclusion we need more laughter. Obviously the answer is not pointing at people and laughing because that would be unfair. This one thought actually was the catalyst for the current children’s book I am writing. I am not going to give details because it is not complete yet.  It does involved giggling, laughter and a baddy who is truly miserable. The thing is the world needs more laughter and unites people positively through laughter. So my question is not only are you have a laugh but how do we encourage more laughter to lift our energy? If you have any answers that would be wonderful!!! This is the reason I released Tingle Dingle and The Little Mischiefs along with The Hairy-Legged Mystery because it is my way of sharing the laughter.

Ruby Allure BOOKS ON AMAZON.COM - https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=dp_byline_sr_ebooks_1?ie=UTF8&text=Ruby+Allure&search-alias=digital-text&field-author=Ruby+Allure&sort=relevancerank

Ruby Allure BOOKS ON AUDIBLE.COM
http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_mn_mt_ano_tseft__galileo?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+Allure&x=0&y=0 

NEW RELEASE: TINGLE DINGLE AND THE LITTLE MISCHIEFS

 https://www.amazon.com/Tingle-Dingle-Little-Mischiefs-Allure-ebook/dp/B01G9C0XC2?ie=UTF8&keywords=Ruby%20Allure&qid=1465049617&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1

NEW RELEASE: THE HAIRY-LEGGED MYSTERY

https://www.amazon.com/Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Ruby-Allure-ebook/dp/B01G2C0Y9Q?ie=UTF8&qid=1465049724&ref_=sr_1_2&s=digital-text&sr=1-2

When things come from nowhere...

When things come from nowhere!

 

Have you had one of those moments where you think what next? Well I had one of those this week. I completed the draft of a book about money. My intentions is to help people manage their money. My dream would be for a world where people are not enslaved to paying off credit cards and mortgages... I loved writing it and it is now in brewing phase before editing. So then I thought I will have a little rest and said to the my self and the 'universe' what next.... Within a day it was answered. My proof reader came to me with a slip of paper with a writing competition on it. It was a competition for books written for 5-7 year olds. I only have written two of this kind and my agent is taking those to the Bologna book fair in April to show a few publishers. Anyway back to the story. It seems that when one asks one has to be aware of how answers come in quite different ways. When I was provided with the brief to write a mystery for 5 to 7 year olds, my mind went in all directions with the potential. I have learned not to just jump on the mind churn bandwagon; instead, I allow the unconscious to come up with a full story. The following morning I sat down and wrote the first third with a full image in my mind. It was just lovely to write something for children because it is so much fun. It takes you back into all the phases of wonder and the mischief. I have since written three other stories just for the fun of it.  I am not going to say any more but if you desire a prompt to write your own 5-7 year old mystery...

PROMPT:
The strangest thing happened when....

Enjoy!

You can find my books at the following link: Ruby Allure books on Audible:

http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

AUDIBLE BOOK AVAILABLE HERE:

 

LINK TO BUY ON AUDIBLE:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/A-Short-Course-In-Creative-Writing-Audiobook/B012OVUKE8/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1443260320&sr=1-1

 

LINK TO PAPERBACK ON AMAZON.COM

A Short Course in Creative Writing
by Ms Ruby Allure
Link: http://amzn.com/1517234832

 

 

It's Your Last Chance - Day 7 of 7 for Love Hunt 2 posts.

To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

Love Hunt 2 - The Love Game Day 7 of 7

 
Dear Eva,

Eva – really!!! There you are bouncing your bust around the fat arsed brigade and you are telling me to be kind! On a daily basis you are showing them how unsexy they are. That is also unkind. I also agree with what you say about our differences. That is what intrigues me about you. I really have no clue what goes on in your head in comparison to mine. I could never flaunt my ‘wares’ so obviously. That is why I find you fascinating – you really enjoy using your assets to piss women off. I find that hysterical!

 

Anyway, I couldn’t say anything to the ghost of diet hell past. For a start I had chocolate in my hand. Being caught with chocolate in the hand by those who have done diet hell past is a crime punishable by public facial waxing! Eating sugar shows weakness! No matter how small the piece of chocolate is there will be a tutt or a ‘I see your weakness’ look and you will feel fat emerging from every pore as you balloon in public. That is how it is... the brain washing. Weakness is chocolate – strength is celery... I hate bloody celery too! The choco-krypto-nite.

 

Anyway let’s talk about other nicer things. I feel bad enough. I saw her walking along the corridor and her trousers look like they have a skid-mark travelling towards her knee. Why does no-one tell her? Probably for the same reason that I did not run up to her and say hi – it looks like you have a skid-mark on your trousers... Oh this is so immature! I am a professional woman discussing skid-marks! Where is the class in that? There is only arse in that! There is only posterial postulation in that. See how one can evolve crassity (this is not a real word) into enlightened thought of marking of brown substance at exaggerated speed.

 

In terms of news from rich men, I have to admit that I have been avoiding the dating site through the devastation of the built up hopes experienced in past dating disasters. I am almost scared to go on there and meet another opportunist or sex-pest. I know that all men are not the same and there are genuine ones out there but learning how to filter them is the difficulty. I guess that is where discernment comes in. The men on the wealthy website seem so well versed in their spiel. I always believe it because I talk the truth. I assume that others do that too because I never saw the point in telling lies. It is as if these chaps have developed a ‘convince the woman into bed’ script with specific lines that result in a toad finding a comfortable hole.

 

Anyway enough of dating. No doubt it will happen again soon. Anyway since I have been back I have noticed a few changes in the office. It seems like the office pervert has upped his game and brought a kind of hair piece. I think he is having a bit of a post-mid-life crisis. He keeps approaching the photocopier when the young temps are there. He reminds me of a big bad wolf dribbling over his potential prey. The petite little twenty-somethings scramble off as soon as he approaches with his pervacious drooling smile. He has a new tactic too – he asks them if they know how to unjam the photocopier, which of course involves them bending over. Then he admires them in their newly vulnerable position. He has noticed me watching him. He frowned earlier when he became aware of me watching whilst touch typing simultaneously. I increased the rapid type as he repeated his hunt on a newbie. Another time I shot him in the forehead with an elastic band and pretended it wasn’t me. He knows I am onto him. I just don’t know how to turn the situation around – so that the situation is reversed. I will enjoy planning that one. I love it when the predator becomes the prey!

 

Another new eventuality – we now have an office sexual fantasy for the women. He arrived today – yippee! This chap has been transferred from a contingency department across the hall. He is tall, has broad shoulders, pecs and large arms. He wears tight trousers and strolls about the room with one of those smiles that melts cheese. He reminds me of the young Elvis crossed with the body of the statue of David, however, there appears to be plenty of package potential or that he is warming his brie baguette in his trousers. You can’t help but notice the additional lunch in those tight suit trousers. When he walks past women rotate on their chairs and the intensity of typing increases. What a pleasant change for us ladies to have something to look at. Adbi and Greg, think is disgusting how the women giggle and are unable to construct sentences in his presence.

 

Anyway, the female office hotty on this side of the room has him firmly set in her breastial sights. When I say sights, it is as if she is rotating her female artillery in his direction while she stands with her hands on hips. She is working on establishing her role as alpha female. In the same way as you have defied boosooka gravity, the breast display has been upped in the attention game. Also Boobilesque Bertha senses the competition and seems to be moving through the office more hurriedly of late. The increased jiggling to jug ratio has peaked. The boys over here are happyily consumed by the hotty hypnosis. You know I never would have thought that my days at work would result in tit-trending and establishing mesmerisation techniques between men and women in an office. It is below the belt baguettery versus the bumper bosom bonanza. Obviously my work is not terribly fulfilling or challenging of late. It just seems to be numbers noise in the form of higher management metrics and financial reporting. I guess I have post-holiday blues. So at least I have a distraction. I think I will have to come up with another innovation to distract me. They weren’t terribly excited by the stress pod idea when I came up with silent booths to alleviate stress using inflatable baseball bats and blow-up people that you can attach a face to. Also the giant bubble wrap cubicle fell on deaf innovative ideas too. They want all these ideas but only want ones that make money. What they have not considered is when people become stressed they become ill and that is where they lose money. If we had instant stress relief then there would be less illness. Oh and the corner punch bags were considered too violent! Boo! Instead they have invested in numerous plastic plants. How does a plastic plant relieve stress?

Gracie.

 

Hello Gracie,

Can you let me into your office? I need to see new office sexual fantasy and enter the arranged breast arena. Can you make medal so that we can all compete? I like idea of giant bubble wrap but not punch bags. That is too much. Women punching bags in corner. Next you will have a ring and women hitting each other with designer handbags. Violence does not solve anything. Right I am on my way over, I have some files that I can pretend to bring to your desk. I will smile a lot and we will see what happens. I am also wearing very short skirt and high heels! On my way!

Eva

To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

The paperback on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Hunt-II-Richidiot-com-dating/dp/1517542316/ref=la_B00M9Y4GAA_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447096640&sr=1-3

 

 

Just two more days of Love Hunt 2 - Dating Game - Chapter 2

 

 

 

To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

The paperback on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Hunt-II-Richidiot-com-dating/dp/1517542316/ref=la_B00M9Y4GAA_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447096640&sr=1-3

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 2

Morning Eva,

I have the theme music to jaws playing through my mind as your cleavage penetrates the bleary-eyed vision of all the workers arriving into the early morning office. All the unsuspecting men will be bam-boobled by the Russian rack as it aggressively invades the vision of the whole office floor. Good on you! You are using your breasts to take your power back. You do make me laugh. I would never have the ‘boosooka balls’ to do that.

 

In the meantime, my news is that I managed to destroy half of the supermarket by mistake today. The ghost of diet hell past was standing in a neighbouring isle and I jumped backwards with one of those small children’s chocolates concealed in my hand. In doing so my gym bag hit the first olive oil bottle and toppled the rest of the shelf like dominoes. In the end some mayonnaise erupted all over the floor right beside her. Of course she thought it was her and had no clue of my isle lurking and desperate dashing to avoid yet another dull diet conversation. I really do not need to hear another insight into which part of her body is carrying an extra pound! In a strange way I was quite astounded by how well orchestrated my unintentional distraction technique was.

 

Anyway, while mayonnaise erupted around her, I darted to the self-service till for my twenty pence chocolate. While I paid I could hear endless apology coming from her. When I glanced over my shoulder it turns out that after the mayonnaise crashed beside her, she then jumped backwards and annihilated the special offer chocolate display at the end of the isle. There she was sitting on a pile of chocolate. A few of the chocolate balls burst from their packet and melted onto her works’ trousers. Oh God I felt guilty but could not go over and explain so made a getaway. I do feel a bit of a bitch and a coward, but I could hardly go over and say I was hiding with a kiddy bar of chocolate and accidentally toppled the top shelf. Oh and I am sorry but it looks like you shit yourself.

 

I really do not understand how these situations find me. I could not plan such a destructive force. It is strange how cause and effect works. So the ghost of diet hell past not only thinks she destroyed the area but it looked like she shat herself. I hope that does not make her comfort eat... Bloody hell, the more I practice being classy and elegant the more I seem to innocently annihilate the whole area! The other day I was doing my best to be graceful and walked into a folding door and crushed myself. Try reversing out of one of those into a busy high street without looking a complete dick. Such ‘styling out’ of clumsy situations is a talent never to be underestimated! Anyway, apparently my linguistic skill and description is a little crass so I will have to tailor my wording accordingly. If I am to date a man of class I should say that I did not wish to come across as a public penile calamity. That would provide a classier insight into feeling publically humiliated to the point of resembling a phallus!

So how has the Russian rack parade gone down in your office this morning? I am sure there is going to be gossip! No wonder the grey-knicker parade are always on your case!

Gracie.

 

Dear Gracie,

Bosoms now defy gravity like helium balloon. Men in office smile and smile and women look at me with eyes that wound with resentment. Envy is such a sad state of affairs. The more I flaunt bosom the more enemies I make. The snake has eyed me with contempt. Her breasts are close to her waist from feeding her fat baby, so no doubt she will begin hissing with the bulky bottom brigade.

 

The men’s eyes are alight and they mutter under their breath as I pass by. This makes me happy because when woman look after breast she has power. Power in pert breast - that is why one must invest in breast to come out best. See now Russian is poet of the breast kind! This will make you laugh - my manager took me aside and ask what I thought I was doing. I responded – I am not wearing make-up so will spend less time in toilet. I did this to make you happy. This has confused her. Then she said ‘what about those?’ and glanced at the clever age beneath my chin. I smiled and said, ‘this will take attention away from face so that people do not notice no make-up. Win! Win!’ La la laaaaaaaaaaaa!

 

I have been watching my manger, she does not know how to respond to me. I know that she does not like me. Not many women do. They see me as competition. You are different because you are not girlie girl. You are more Amazonian which means we have very different style so do not have to compete. If you were petite and blonde, I doubt we would be friends.

 

So today I have had a lot of smiling men coming to desk for stationary. Five pencils, one rubber and a pencil sharpener request. See what happens when grey-knicker manager take out issues on me. I hate people controlling me – it always causes rebellion. The thing is she create big bosom issue. I love it...  Every time a man passes by she is making loud angry sound. Jealousy is not an attractive feature for a woman, especially one of the grey-knicker kind!

 

Oh and I feel sad for the ghost of diet hell past. You should have said something! I know her obsessive dieting makes regular haunting but leaving her with chocolate on trousers is unkind!

Oh and anything from rich men?

Eva

To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

The paperback on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Hunt-II-Richidiot-com-dating/dp/1517542316/ref=la_B00M9Y4GAA_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447096640&sr=1-3

 

 

 

You want more??? Okay... Love Hunt 2 Day 4

To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

 
Dear Gracie,

I feel sad for woman with flatulence husband but she would not have been at a beautiful hotel without him. She would probably work as waitress. She would not have been able to afford beautiful clothes and her body perfection has been paid for. Without him she would not be living such a lifestyle. I see what she has sacrificed to get what she needs. Many women do this. Which is better? Make sacrifice to get what you want and a lifestyle you desire or work hard but never get anywhere? Not everyone is super intelligent and can have good jobs. Others have different assets. She had beauty that she invested in to get a better return. Her beauty has enabled her a carefree lifestyle with manicures and massages. This is what I dream of. Do you see my side now? I would put up with nostril hair and rancid fart for beautiful lifestyle. Sad isn’t it. I don’t want to work and work like a dog making shyte payments. I want to be pampered. I want to be the princess!

How are your team?

Eva

 

Hello Eva,

I understand what you are saying but it is technically prostitution in that you compromise yourself in exchange for a commodity. I understand that people have different talents, yet maybe she has some unrealised talent which she could contribute to the world rather than sexually service an old chap in leopard skin budgie smugglers. I don’t know her full story and it is not for me to judge. In truth I was more horrified by his intestinal jet propulsion through the swimming pool.

 

Oh it seems that the naughty boys really have missed me. They have not tried to annoy me once and Abdi actually smiled and patted me like a dog. He said ‘welcome back, I have missed my wing-woman and I even have saved you a bounty chocolate from the Christmas celebrations chocolates. It is the only flavour I don’t like so I saved it for you.’

 

Imagine Abdi actually shared something with me... Astounding! He is also the only person I have seen lose weight over Christmas. Something is going on. He has a look in his eye which suggests ‘naughty and determined.’ That combination of traits is something I have not seen in him before. I sense danger, predatory sausage and a couple of new women in the office. It seems the office hotty has competition. Not only has Boobilicious Beth been trumped because there is a new oriental woman who is stunning. Across the way there is a pristine blonde with a slow motion hair-flick and one of those white shirts that reveals the details of her lace bra. She keeps photo-copying with the lid up so that the light reveals all the more. I wondered why Abdi and Greg have moved closer to the photocopier. They are as transparent as her blouse!

 

You know what Eva? This is suspect, Abdi has a new suit, more deodorant than ever and a new pair of shoes. I went for a walk to the coffee machine with Gary, we have both noticed the shift in him. There is an underlying smoothness developing. Gary is going to wind him up about it. Since Gary works with coding, he is going to set up an anonymous email account and say that he has been watching Abdi and notices he has changed his suit. He is going to say the powers that be have noticed his newly found self-confidence. Oh this will be fun.

Gracie.

Dear Gracie,

I feel sad for woman with flatulence husband but she would not have been at a beautiful hotel without him. She would probably work as waitress. She would not have been able to afford beautiful clothes and her body perfection has been paid for. Without him she would not be living such a lifestyle. I see what she has sacrificed to get what she needs. Many women do this. Which is better? Make sacrifice to get what you want and a lifestyle you desire or work hard but never get anywhere? Not everyone is super intelligent and can have good jobs. Others have different assets. She had beauty that she invested in to get a better return. Her beauty has enabled her a carefree lifestyle with manicures and massages. This is what I dream of. Do you see my side now? I would put up with nostril hair and rancid fart for beautiful lifestyle. Sad isn’t it. I don’t want to work and work like a dog making shyte payments. I want to be pampered. I want to be the princess!

How are your team?

Eva

 

Hello Eva,

I understand what you are saying but it is technically prostitution in that you compromise yourself in exchange for a commodity. I understand that people have different talents, yet maybe she has some unrealised talent which she could contribute to the world rather than sexually service an old chap in leopard skin budgie smugglers. I don’t know her full story and it is not for me to judge. In truth I was more horrified by his intestinal jet propulsion through the swimming pool.

 

Oh it seems that the naughty boys really have missed me. They have not tried to annoy me once and Abdi actually smiled and patted me like a dog. He said ‘welcome back, I have missed my wing-woman and I even have saved you a bounty chocolate from the Christmas celebrations chocolates. It is the only flavour I don’t like so I saved it for you.’

 

Imagine Abdi actually shared something with me... Astounding! He is also the only person I have seen lose weight over Christmas. Something is going on. He has a look in his eye which suggests ‘naughty and determined.’ That combination of traits is something I have not seen in him before. I sense danger, predatory sausage and a couple of new women in the office. It seems the office hotty has competition. Not only has Boobilicious Beth been trumped because there is a new oriental woman who is stunning. Across the way there is a pristine blonde with a slow motion hair-flick and one of those white shirts that reveals the details of her lace bra. She keeps photo-copying with the lid up so that the light reveals all the more. I wondered why Abdi and Greg have moved closer to the photocopier. They are as transparent as her blouse!

 

You know what Eva? This is suspect, Abdi has a new suit, more deodorant than ever and a new pair of shoes. I went for a walk to the coffee machine with Gary, we have both noticed the shift in him. There is an underlying smoothness developing. Gary is going to wind him up about it. Since Gary works with coding, he is going to set up an anonymous email account and say that he has been watching Abdi and notices he has changed his suit. He is going to say the powers that be have noticed his newly found self-confidence. Oh this will be fun.

Gracie.

To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

The paperback on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Hunt-II-Richidiot-com-dating/dp/1517542316/ref=la_B00M9Y4GAA_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447096640&sr=1-3