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Eva – really!!! There you are bouncing your bust around the fat arsed brigade and you are telling me to be kind! On a daily basis you are showing them how unsexy they are. That is also unkind. I also agree with what you say about our differences. That is what intrigues me about you. I really have no clue what goes on in your head in comparison to mine. I could never flaunt my ‘wares’ so obviously. That is why I find you fascinating – you really enjoy using your assets to piss women off. I find that hysterical!
Anyway, I couldn’t say anything to the ghost of diet hell past. For a start I had chocolate in my hand. Being caught with chocolate in the hand by those who have done diet hell past is a crime punishable by public facial waxing! Eating sugar shows weakness! No matter how small the piece of chocolate is there will be a tutt or a ‘I see your weakness’ look and you will feel fat emerging from every pore as you balloon in public. That is how it is... the brain washing. Weakness is chocolate – strength is celery... I hate bloody celery too! The choco-krypto-nite.
Anyway let’s talk about other nicer things. I feel bad enough. I saw her walking along the corridor and her trousers look like they have a skid-mark travelling towards her knee. Why does no-one tell her? Probably for the same reason that I did not run up to her and say hi – it looks like you have a skid-mark on your trousers... Oh this is so immature! I am a professional woman discussing skid-marks! Where is the class in that? There is only arse in that! There is only posterial postulation in that. See how one can evolve crassity (this is not a real word) into enlightened thought of marking of brown substance at exaggerated speed.
In terms of news from rich men, I have to admit that I have been avoiding the dating site through the devastation of the built up hopes experienced in past dating disasters. I am almost scared to go on there and meet another opportunist or sex-pest. I know that all men are not the same and there are genuine ones out there but learning how to filter them is the difficulty. I guess that is where discernment comes in. The men on the wealthy website seem so well versed in their spiel. I always believe it because I talk the truth. I assume that others do that too because I never saw the point in telling lies. It is as if these chaps have developed a ‘convince the woman into bed’ script with specific lines that result in a toad finding a comfortable hole.
Anyway enough of dating. No doubt it will happen again soon. Anyway since I have been back I have noticed a few changes in the office. It seems like the office pervert has upped his game and brought a kind of hair piece. I think he is having a bit of a post-mid-life crisis. He keeps approaching the photocopier when the young temps are there. He reminds me of a big bad wolf dribbling over his potential prey. The petite little twenty-somethings scramble off as soon as he approaches with his pervacious drooling smile. He has a new tactic too – he asks them if they know how to unjam the photocopier, which of course involves them bending over. Then he admires them in their newly vulnerable position. He has noticed me watching him. He frowned earlier when he became aware of me watching whilst touch typing simultaneously. I increased the rapid type as he repeated his hunt on a newbie. Another time I shot him in the forehead with an elastic band and pretended it wasn’t me. He knows I am onto him. I just don’t know how to turn the situation around – so that the situation is reversed. I will enjoy planning that one. I love it when the predator becomes the prey!
Another new eventuality – we now have an office sexual fantasy for the women. He arrived today – yippee! This chap has been transferred from a contingency department across the hall. He is tall, has broad shoulders, pecs and large arms. He wears tight trousers and strolls about the room with one of those smiles that melts cheese. He reminds me of the young Elvis crossed with the body of the statue of David, however, there appears to be plenty of package potential or that he is warming his brie baguette in his trousers. You can’t help but notice the additional lunch in those tight suit trousers. When he walks past women rotate on their chairs and the intensity of typing increases. What a pleasant change for us ladies to have something to look at. Adbi and Greg, think is disgusting how the women giggle and are unable to construct sentences in his presence.
Anyway, the female office hotty on this side of the room has him firmly set in her breastial sights. When I say sights, it is as if she is rotating her female artillery in his direction while she stands with her hands on hips. She is working on establishing her role as alpha female. In the same way as you have defied boosooka gravity, the breast display has been upped in the attention game. Also Boobilesque Bertha senses the competition and seems to be moving through the office more hurriedly of late. The increased jiggling to jug ratio has peaked. The boys over here are happyily consumed by the hotty hypnosis. You know I never would have thought that my days at work would result in tit-trending and establishing mesmerisation techniques between men and women in an office. It is below the belt baguettery versus the bumper bosom bonanza. Obviously my work is not terribly fulfilling or challenging of late. It just seems to be numbers noise in the form of higher management metrics and financial reporting. I guess I have post-holiday blues. So at least I have a distraction. I think I will have to come up with another innovation to distract me. They weren’t terribly excited by the stress pod idea when I came up with silent booths to alleviate stress using inflatable baseball bats and blow-up people that you can attach a face to. Also the giant bubble wrap cubicle fell on deaf innovative ideas too. They want all these ideas but only want ones that make money. What they have not considered is when people become stressed they become ill and that is where they lose money. If we had instant stress relief then there would be less illness. Oh and the corner punch bags were considered too violent! Boo! Instead they have invested in numerous plastic plants. How does a plastic plant relieve stress?
Can you let me into your office? I need to see new office sexual fantasy and enter the arranged breast arena. Can you make medal so that we can all compete? I like idea of giant bubble wrap but not punch bags. That is too much. Women punching bags in corner. Next you will have a ring and women hitting each other with designer handbags. Violence does not solve anything. Right I am on my way over, I have some files that I can pretend to bring to your desk. I will smile a lot and we will see what happens. I am also wearing very short skirt and high heels! On my way!
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