What is your next 'WOW'?

What is your next Wow?

When was the last time you had that feeling of 'wow'? An eruption of wowness from within? You may think really wows and wowing is for those people who just can't control themselves... Well a decent WOW and a woop can lift a person to heady heights of joy.

So why do I write this? I had a bit of a moment the other day while I was quietly watching the world on their mobile phones. Where I live there is a beautiful pier and on the pier there has been numerous people strolling along glued to their mobile phones. People were walking along silently staring at screens as though searching for something. They would all gather in groups and not talk to each other and stare at the screen, as if waiting for something to happen. Then when that something did happen they smiled for a small moment and then strolled back down the pier with eyes fixed on their mobile screens. They then appeared to be searching for something else. It was quite a bemusing spectacle really. I wondered whether it was a one off incident so went down a number of days in a row. The same thing happened: clusters of people staring at their mobile screen. They arrived at a certain point, smiled and went on 'hunting'.

So how does this relate to the WOW? Well there was a quiet moment and a group of young chaps came along, all hunting - they were probably around 12 or 13. They all arrived at the same area and stared at their screen. Something happened and one shouted 'Wow!' He got so excited that he started to jump up and down. He literally couldn't contain himself. He had found something and it made him leap in the air. The other three chaps looked at him as if he was uncool. However, this rebellious little 'wower!' Just kept being excited. 'That was the coolest one yet!' he cried with a little dance. The cool kids began to chuckle and shake their heads. Guess what happened? They all started to 'wow' and laugh.

The group noticed me watching and smiling and calmed their wowing.
'It is fantastic to see a public display of wow! So what are you wowing about? There have been loads of people strolling along staring at phones and then stopping, smiling and turning around.'
The group glanced at each other as if to consider 'stranger danger'. Finally the lead wower came over and showed me his phone. It turned out they were on a 'treasure hunt' for some creature from a game on their phone. When they found the creature it exploded. There were different kinds of creature explosions and this particular one had created an almighty WOW opportunity.

Anyway the group shuffled and I asked the lead wower, 'do you wow often?' He looked at me curiously. 'I come down here a lot and you did a blooming good wow! You showed your excitement and got others involved in your wow!' It was fantastic to watch.'

He shrugged and glanced at the others.
'He always gets excited and wows,' said one of the other guys.
'Some people think he is weird.'
'Why?'
'Because he is always so happy and excited.'
'Isn't that a good thing?'
The group shuffled, 's'pose so.'

I studied the group and decided to say something rather deep to teenagers. 'If the world did not have anyone who wowed then what would happen?'
'There would be no wowing.'
'Did you notice that a decent wow created joy and you all laughed?'
The group nodded.
'If you can find something to 'wow' about every day then you really can live a good life. The bigger the wow the better I say.'
I turned to the lead wower, 'Thank you so much for that WOW! I needed to be reminded to find my wow in each day!'

With that in mind, what is you next WOW? Will you allow yourself to WOW wholeheartedly? What is the limit to your wow? When is the best time to super wow!

THE HIARY-LEGGED MYSTERY ON AUDIBLE LINK: http://www.audible.com/pd/Kids/The-Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Audiobook/B01H2HF0XU/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1468187800&sr=1-1#publisher-summary

Enjoy my books at the following link:

http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

Love Hunt II - The Love Game in Animation

 

Link to Ruby Allure books on Audible: http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

 

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-Dating-Game-Audiobook/B015G4ICYA/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-1

Come on admit it - as much as we deny it - we ladies like a good love hunt.

We have tick lists, ideals, and we hunt in high-heeled packs. Of course, we're all hunting for that elusive right man who ticks every box and even has tidy nostril hair. Okay maybe not you, but you know other ladies who love the hunt.

Well, it's time for Eva and Gracie to love hunt, and their "targets" are rich men - the golden sperm. Such exciting escapades would provide the pair with entertaining discussions during their dull office hours - or so they thought. What they did not anticipate was the discovery of the "booby man"; humorous but very hard truths about wealth, themselves, power; and the RichIdiot.com phenomenon.

The question remains: can love really be hunted?

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_7_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-7

The Love Hunt has returned. Gracie is back on the dating horse after a huge fall in her first tick-list-tastic love hunt.

Her new dating adventures take her and Eva into the depths of "the love game".

In the meantime, Eva, the ultimate Russian gold digger, has come to the conclusion that her poor "village idiot boyfriend" will never be enough. He will certainly not pay off her accumulating debts. She needs a rich man, and that means rich idiot dating.

In The Love Game, Eva and Gracie travel the journey of extreme love learning. On the way, they will discover their love and lust lists, their intrinsic issues, and experience some hilarious and jaw-dropping dates in pursuit of the wealthy ideal.

All of this in the pursuit of love.

The Love Hunt II is on!

 

An Interview with Helen Lloyd, Audio Producer

An Interview with Helen Llloyd, Audio Producer

 

 



 

Just to give you a little context: Helen first provided an amazing audition for the production of Money Farm, a book about the future of finance. It has been described as the Brave New World of Finance. What astounded me about her was how she switched between numerous accents and had such power in her tone when she delivered. What's more, she completely engages readers,which has been mentioned in the numerous audio book reviews.

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Money-Farm-Audiobook/B010BOM9A8/ref=a_search_c4_1_5_srImg?qid=1448186772&sr=1-5

 

Once Money Farm was complete Helen noticed I had written some comedy chic-lit books called Love Hunt. The premise is simple: two women are hunting rich men to remove them from their mundane office lifestyles. One woman is a tick-list fanatic and the other is a self-confessed Russian gold-digger. The pair are living secret dating lives and engaging with wealthy men in hope to live a better life. They email each other at work about their escapades and the happenings in the office. Of course there is an issue - nothing is good enough for Gracie and Eva, the Russian bombshell, intends to get her debt paid off and increase her collection of shoes.

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-Dating-Game-Audiobook/B015G4ICYA/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srImg?qid=1448186772&sr=1-1

 

When Helen provided me with her audition I was actually blown away. The Russian accent was astounding and in terms of portrayal of the Russian character, well she had me in absolute states of hysterical laughter. Honestly she was brilliant.  When Love Hunt 1 was finished Helen went straight into Love Hunt 2 and delivered a performance so excellent that I am proud to have written the book. Anyway here is her interview and I have to say she is so humble considering her phenomenal talent.

As I said I before, I feel it is a real joy to be able to work with such talented people.

Please enjoy!

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_7_srImg?qid=1448186772&sr=1-7

 

Q: How did you get into producing audiobooks?

I recorded my first audiobooks way back in 1980s … recording in a professional recording studio onto tape and the books were distributed on cassette tape – so my involvement with audiobooks goes back a long way – though there was a long gap in the middle when I was working as a television producer, when I just didn’t have the time to continue with something that is so time intensive, so audiobooks took a back seat until I took redundancy from ITV and set up my personal studio.    

I have always read for pleasure – and I guess heard characters in my head right from the very beginning of reading stories. I read to my son … and now read to my grand-daughter. I also think   that moving into audiobooks was in many ways a natural progression from my initial training as an actor and the first two decades of my working life as an actor.  Audio training and voice work was part of my drama school course (I trained at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama) and always felt quite comfortable in front of a microphone. I have done some radio drama as well and have played a wide variety of roles on stage in theatres up and down the UK and in the West End and also doing bits and bobs on television, so I am well used to interpreting other people’s words and creating credible characters.  

 

In the early 1980s, I moved into television as a presenter and began to do VO work, then moved sideways to behind the camera and eventually became a programme producer making documentaries for ITV and digital TV channels, while at the same time doing quite a lot of corporate and commercial voice over work as well as narrating over fifty broadcast television programmes.  I learned about production technically and artistically … and also how to edit (pictures as well as audio) and how to meet deadlines – all transferable skills, invaluable in audiobook production.

 

I took redundancy from ITV and returned to my roots – I went back into theatre briefly as a producer and director, also as a youth theatre leader and company manager and even worked as an actor once more. Eventually, I set up my home and got back into full time narration and VO work – often working remotely with Audiobok producers and production houses from my own studio, and I realised that this was something I really wanted to get more involved in. ACX was not at that time available in the UK, however it was increasingly seen as an additional opportunity for narrators in the US. I joined forces with an independent US based producer who, acting as a third party ‘producer’ gave me direct access to ACX in the US and I produced my first three independent reads through Push Play Audio in 2013.  When ACX opened up in the UK in 2014, I signed up and started looking for books to narrate and produce myself while continuing to narrate for audiobook publishers remotely through various producing houses in the UK and US. 

Q What so you look for when choosing to work on an audio book?  

It always has to be about the writing and the story for me, and I enjoy working in almost all genres of books. I don’t feel comfortable reading erotica – or overtly political or religious books. My favourite kind of read are those with a great storyline and a clear narrative voice combined with vibrant and original characters that move the story forward in an interesting way. I like multi-layered books where there is more going on beneath the surface – where there is scope for real character and emotional development.  If a book is badly written and poorly constructed, has clichéd characters and stilted dialogue, then that is a real turn off. It is just not worth the effort and time involved.  

 
It takes a lot of hours to produce an audiobook – and if a book does not engage me, how can I hope to engage the listener?  I am unwilling to spend hours and hours producing something that will always be substandard because however well it is read, if the writing is poor, it will never really work - you just can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear I’m afraid. So quality of writing is what I am looking for … always. 

I narrate all genres of book - heavyweight histories and non-fiction reads, short stories, lots of romances, fantasy, comedy, classics, horror and just about everything in between.  I prefer to work on books that offer a fee payable per finished hour (PFH rate) or at least offer a stipend if they are royalty share (RS). As a full time narrator - I don’t have another day job – narrating books and doing other VO work is how I earn my living – and as well as the time it takes and the investment in equipment that  have made, there are other costs involved. Though I am very happy to edit my own work, I prefer to hire a professional audio proofer. This makes such a difference to the quality of the finished read and it is notoriously difficult to proof one’s own reads.  I need to know that those costs will be covered. On a royalty share deal, there is always the chance that I will end up being out of pocket. 

Having said that, there are rare occasions when a book just jumps out at me and I just feel I have to do it … even if it is a Royalty Share. However, I can only afford to do that a couple of times a year – and at periods when there is no paid work in the pipeline. 

Q What are some of your funniest/ weirdest and most awkward

experiences within audio production?

I have discovered that I have a particularly noisy digestive system - I rumble

when I am hungry and also for an hour or so after eating, especially if I eat bread or wheat based cereal – so grabbing a sandwich is not an option when I am working. Fortunately porridge doesn’t seem to cause such a repertoire of rumbles!  

 

That aside, I cry at the drop of a hat. Anything remotely sad and I sob. I have

wept buckets at a baby alien saying goodbye to its master (! Yes really).  Things always go wrong in books, a hero is killed or injured, people get sick, a relationship comes to an end (or ends happily … I still sob); animals or people are shot, hurt, maimed, hunted, haunted, frightened lost.  You name it, anything remotely sad, and I cry. As you can imagine, this causes major problems - sniffing is not allowed – and when you really cry it makes your throat hurt and your voice sounds snotty for a considerable time.  I have also been known to get the giggles. Sex scenes can also be particularly problematical –highly educational they may be but mostly I just find them funny, especially at ten in the morning.  There I am … old enough to know better, shut away in isolation in my little box, essentially talking to myself – and when things get steamy I am often struck by the silliness of the situation and get the giggles.  Then there are the days when your brain and your mouth just won’t talk to each other. Even the simplest phrase becomes gobbledeygook and nothing sounds right … the only thing to do at this point is to give up for an hour or so … walk the dog, hoover the stairs, do something totally different, switch off and try again later. 

Q: What was it about Money Farm and the Love Hunt books that appealed?

I think the thing that drew me to Money Farm was the fact that the book was so inventive and so multi-layered.  It also echoed the real life situation where the Global banking crisis had made most of us ordinary mortals feel disgust and mistrust at the financial system – and the heroine of MF was so cynical, so tough and so anarchic that she instantly appealed. Also Money Farm was so original, unlike any other book I had come across … it was full of inventive characters and there was the full gamut of worldwide accents specified in the book. It posed a real challenge to come up with believable and original voices for so many people. I really enjoyed that and some of the reviews have commented on the range of voices in the read– very gratifying. 

Although The Love Hunt books have a similar financial theme (the heroines are definitely looking for guys with money) these books come at things from a completely different angle – and one which again I found original and challenging. The Love Hunt books are purely character voices … there is no narrative voice at all – there is also a lot of humour in the books as well as a lot of common sense. I found the two main women really interesting to play and particularly warmed to Eva the crazy Russian blonde bombshell. She just had the best lines! 

 

Q What are your favourite bits of Money Farm and the Love Hunts that the readers should listen out for? 

I don’t really have any favourite bits that jump out at me. I think taking any section out of context is almost impossible to do. That is why it is so difficult to find the right sample section to go on the ‘Audible’ listing … choosing any individual section is really difficult.  Hopefully people will be grabbed in the early pages and will just want to go on listening! 

 

To hear Helen's Brilliance!!!:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Money-Farm-Audiobook/B010BOM9A8/ref=a_search_c4_1_5_srImg?qid=1448187457&sr=1-5

How do you feel about the value of your life being based on the amount of money sitting in your bank? If we are all inter-connected by money, then why do so few people pay attention to how money works? Fear and denial are perfect for generating debt and that is what the world is run on. Now imagine, if in the future, one financial institution became so powerful that it could choose to eradicate the present monetary system. Then what happens?

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-Dating-Game-Audiobook/B015G4ICYA/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-1

Come on admit it - as much as we deny it - we ladies like a good love hunt.

We have tick lists, ideals, and we hunt in high-heeled packs. Of course, we're all hunting for that elusive right man who ticks every box and even has tidy nostril hair. Okay maybe not you, but you know other ladies who love the hunt.

Well, it's time for Eva and Gracie to love hunt, and their "targets" are rich men - the golden sperm. Such exciting escapades would provide the pair with entertaining discussions during their dull office hours - or so they thought. What they did not anticipate was the discovery of the "booby man"; humorous but very hard truths about wealth, themselves, power; and the RichIdiot.com phenomenon.

The question remains: can love really be hunted?

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_7_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-7

The Love Hunt has returned. Gracie is back on the dating horse after a huge fall in her first tick-list-tastic love hunt.

Her new dating adventures take her and Eva into the depths of "the love game".

In the meantime, Eva, the ultimate Russian gold digger, has come to the conclusion that her poor "village idiot boyfriend" will never be enough. He will certainly not pay off her accumulating debts. She needs a rich man, and that means rich idiot dating.

In The Love Game, Eva and Gracie travel the journey of extreme love learning. On the way, they will discover their love and lust lists, their intrinsic issues, and experience some hilarious and jaw-dropping dates in pursuit of the wealthy ideal.

All of this in the pursuit of love.

The Love Hunt II is on!

 

It's Your Last Chance - Day 7 of 7 for Love Hunt 2 posts.

To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

Love Hunt 2 - The Love Game Day 7 of 7

 
Dear Eva,

Eva – really!!! There you are bouncing your bust around the fat arsed brigade and you are telling me to be kind! On a daily basis you are showing them how unsexy they are. That is also unkind. I also agree with what you say about our differences. That is what intrigues me about you. I really have no clue what goes on in your head in comparison to mine. I could never flaunt my ‘wares’ so obviously. That is why I find you fascinating – you really enjoy using your assets to piss women off. I find that hysterical!

 

Anyway, I couldn’t say anything to the ghost of diet hell past. For a start I had chocolate in my hand. Being caught with chocolate in the hand by those who have done diet hell past is a crime punishable by public facial waxing! Eating sugar shows weakness! No matter how small the piece of chocolate is there will be a tutt or a ‘I see your weakness’ look and you will feel fat emerging from every pore as you balloon in public. That is how it is... the brain washing. Weakness is chocolate – strength is celery... I hate bloody celery too! The choco-krypto-nite.

 

Anyway let’s talk about other nicer things. I feel bad enough. I saw her walking along the corridor and her trousers look like they have a skid-mark travelling towards her knee. Why does no-one tell her? Probably for the same reason that I did not run up to her and say hi – it looks like you have a skid-mark on your trousers... Oh this is so immature! I am a professional woman discussing skid-marks! Where is the class in that? There is only arse in that! There is only posterial postulation in that. See how one can evolve crassity (this is not a real word) into enlightened thought of marking of brown substance at exaggerated speed.

 

In terms of news from rich men, I have to admit that I have been avoiding the dating site through the devastation of the built up hopes experienced in past dating disasters. I am almost scared to go on there and meet another opportunist or sex-pest. I know that all men are not the same and there are genuine ones out there but learning how to filter them is the difficulty. I guess that is where discernment comes in. The men on the wealthy website seem so well versed in their spiel. I always believe it because I talk the truth. I assume that others do that too because I never saw the point in telling lies. It is as if these chaps have developed a ‘convince the woman into bed’ script with specific lines that result in a toad finding a comfortable hole.

 

Anyway enough of dating. No doubt it will happen again soon. Anyway since I have been back I have noticed a few changes in the office. It seems like the office pervert has upped his game and brought a kind of hair piece. I think he is having a bit of a post-mid-life crisis. He keeps approaching the photocopier when the young temps are there. He reminds me of a big bad wolf dribbling over his potential prey. The petite little twenty-somethings scramble off as soon as he approaches with his pervacious drooling smile. He has a new tactic too – he asks them if they know how to unjam the photocopier, which of course involves them bending over. Then he admires them in their newly vulnerable position. He has noticed me watching him. He frowned earlier when he became aware of me watching whilst touch typing simultaneously. I increased the rapid type as he repeated his hunt on a newbie. Another time I shot him in the forehead with an elastic band and pretended it wasn’t me. He knows I am onto him. I just don’t know how to turn the situation around – so that the situation is reversed. I will enjoy planning that one. I love it when the predator becomes the prey!

 

Another new eventuality – we now have an office sexual fantasy for the women. He arrived today – yippee! This chap has been transferred from a contingency department across the hall. He is tall, has broad shoulders, pecs and large arms. He wears tight trousers and strolls about the room with one of those smiles that melts cheese. He reminds me of the young Elvis crossed with the body of the statue of David, however, there appears to be plenty of package potential or that he is warming his brie baguette in his trousers. You can’t help but notice the additional lunch in those tight suit trousers. When he walks past women rotate on their chairs and the intensity of typing increases. What a pleasant change for us ladies to have something to look at. Adbi and Greg, think is disgusting how the women giggle and are unable to construct sentences in his presence.

 

Anyway, the female office hotty on this side of the room has him firmly set in her breastial sights. When I say sights, it is as if she is rotating her female artillery in his direction while she stands with her hands on hips. She is working on establishing her role as alpha female. In the same way as you have defied boosooka gravity, the breast display has been upped in the attention game. Also Boobilesque Bertha senses the competition and seems to be moving through the office more hurriedly of late. The increased jiggling to jug ratio has peaked. The boys over here are happyily consumed by the hotty hypnosis. You know I never would have thought that my days at work would result in tit-trending and establishing mesmerisation techniques between men and women in an office. It is below the belt baguettery versus the bumper bosom bonanza. Obviously my work is not terribly fulfilling or challenging of late. It just seems to be numbers noise in the form of higher management metrics and financial reporting. I guess I have post-holiday blues. So at least I have a distraction. I think I will have to come up with another innovation to distract me. They weren’t terribly excited by the stress pod idea when I came up with silent booths to alleviate stress using inflatable baseball bats and blow-up people that you can attach a face to. Also the giant bubble wrap cubicle fell on deaf innovative ideas too. They want all these ideas but only want ones that make money. What they have not considered is when people become stressed they become ill and that is where they lose money. If we had instant stress relief then there would be less illness. Oh and the corner punch bags were considered too violent! Boo! Instead they have invested in numerous plastic plants. How does a plastic plant relieve stress?

Gracie.

 

Hello Gracie,

Can you let me into your office? I need to see new office sexual fantasy and enter the arranged breast arena. Can you make medal so that we can all compete? I like idea of giant bubble wrap but not punch bags. That is too much. Women punching bags in corner. Next you will have a ring and women hitting each other with designer handbags. Violence does not solve anything. Right I am on my way over, I have some files that I can pretend to bring to your desk. I will smile a lot and we will see what happens. I am also wearing very short skirt and high heels! On my way!

Eva

To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

The paperback on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Hunt-II-Richidiot-com-dating/dp/1517542316/ref=la_B00M9Y4GAA_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447096640&sr=1-3

 

 

Just two more days of Love Hunt 2 - Dating Game - Chapter 2

 

 

 

To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

The paperback on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Hunt-II-Richidiot-com-dating/dp/1517542316/ref=la_B00M9Y4GAA_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447096640&sr=1-3

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 2

Morning Eva,

I have the theme music to jaws playing through my mind as your cleavage penetrates the bleary-eyed vision of all the workers arriving into the early morning office. All the unsuspecting men will be bam-boobled by the Russian rack as it aggressively invades the vision of the whole office floor. Good on you! You are using your breasts to take your power back. You do make me laugh. I would never have the ‘boosooka balls’ to do that.

 

In the meantime, my news is that I managed to destroy half of the supermarket by mistake today. The ghost of diet hell past was standing in a neighbouring isle and I jumped backwards with one of those small children’s chocolates concealed in my hand. In doing so my gym bag hit the first olive oil bottle and toppled the rest of the shelf like dominoes. In the end some mayonnaise erupted all over the floor right beside her. Of course she thought it was her and had no clue of my isle lurking and desperate dashing to avoid yet another dull diet conversation. I really do not need to hear another insight into which part of her body is carrying an extra pound! In a strange way I was quite astounded by how well orchestrated my unintentional distraction technique was.

 

Anyway, while mayonnaise erupted around her, I darted to the self-service till for my twenty pence chocolate. While I paid I could hear endless apology coming from her. When I glanced over my shoulder it turns out that after the mayonnaise crashed beside her, she then jumped backwards and annihilated the special offer chocolate display at the end of the isle. There she was sitting on a pile of chocolate. A few of the chocolate balls burst from their packet and melted onto her works’ trousers. Oh God I felt guilty but could not go over and explain so made a getaway. I do feel a bit of a bitch and a coward, but I could hardly go over and say I was hiding with a kiddy bar of chocolate and accidentally toppled the top shelf. Oh and I am sorry but it looks like you shit yourself.

 

I really do not understand how these situations find me. I could not plan such a destructive force. It is strange how cause and effect works. So the ghost of diet hell past not only thinks she destroyed the area but it looked like she shat herself. I hope that does not make her comfort eat... Bloody hell, the more I practice being classy and elegant the more I seem to innocently annihilate the whole area! The other day I was doing my best to be graceful and walked into a folding door and crushed myself. Try reversing out of one of those into a busy high street without looking a complete dick. Such ‘styling out’ of clumsy situations is a talent never to be underestimated! Anyway, apparently my linguistic skill and description is a little crass so I will have to tailor my wording accordingly. If I am to date a man of class I should say that I did not wish to come across as a public penile calamity. That would provide a classier insight into feeling publically humiliated to the point of resembling a phallus!

So how has the Russian rack parade gone down in your office this morning? I am sure there is going to be gossip! No wonder the grey-knicker parade are always on your case!

Gracie.

 

Dear Gracie,

Bosoms now defy gravity like helium balloon. Men in office smile and smile and women look at me with eyes that wound with resentment. Envy is such a sad state of affairs. The more I flaunt bosom the more enemies I make. The snake has eyed me with contempt. Her breasts are close to her waist from feeding her fat baby, so no doubt she will begin hissing with the bulky bottom brigade.

 

The men’s eyes are alight and they mutter under their breath as I pass by. This makes me happy because when woman look after breast she has power. Power in pert breast - that is why one must invest in breast to come out best. See now Russian is poet of the breast kind! This will make you laugh - my manager took me aside and ask what I thought I was doing. I responded – I am not wearing make-up so will spend less time in toilet. I did this to make you happy. This has confused her. Then she said ‘what about those?’ and glanced at the clever age beneath my chin. I smiled and said, ‘this will take attention away from face so that people do not notice no make-up. Win! Win!’ La la laaaaaaaaaaaa!

 

I have been watching my manger, she does not know how to respond to me. I know that she does not like me. Not many women do. They see me as competition. You are different because you are not girlie girl. You are more Amazonian which means we have very different style so do not have to compete. If you were petite and blonde, I doubt we would be friends.

 

So today I have had a lot of smiling men coming to desk for stationary. Five pencils, one rubber and a pencil sharpener request. See what happens when grey-knicker manager take out issues on me. I hate people controlling me – it always causes rebellion. The thing is she create big bosom issue. I love it...  Every time a man passes by she is making loud angry sound. Jealousy is not an attractive feature for a woman, especially one of the grey-knicker kind!

 

Oh and I feel sad for the ghost of diet hell past. You should have said something! I know her obsessive dieting makes regular haunting but leaving her with chocolate on trousers is unkind!

Oh and anything from rich men?

Eva

To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

The paperback on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Hunt-II-Richidiot-com-dating/dp/1517542316/ref=la_B00M9Y4GAA_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447096640&sr=1-3