Bosom defiance with more Richidiot.com - Love game

Hello again Gracie,

Sorry it is end of day but payments must be made – boo! That is why I am here. Some of the work girls are circling me to see why I smile at computer. Not a good thing. They know that I type fast on daily basis. I think my emails are being watched... Do I sound paranoid?

 

In truth, I do not think pole vault could be sneaked past security. Unless you pole vault security while back is turned. Imagine having huge pole under your arm as you walk through the security turnstile. How do you explain? You could say it is after work hobby or activity.

 

Now I have big question: I have to know what is happening with Andreas. Have you heard from him or anymore men from the how you now call it  ‘wealthy wally website?’ You said you had something to tell me when I saw you by drinks machine. Thought it sounded good. Sorry I could not talk for long, my manager has been timing me at drinks machine and toilet visit. She has told me to stop doing extra make-up while in there. Personally I think it is jealousy. They don’t want me to look good to stop men admiring me. Tomorrow I will wear ultimate uplift bra to make a point. Won’t wear make-up but will decorate room with other assets! Then see what they say! Post-Christmas decoration.

Have to catch the bus now... Close to five!

Night!

Eva.

 

 

CHAPTER 2

Morning Eva,

I have the theme music to jaws playing through my mind as your cleavage penetrates the bleary-eyed vision of all the workers arriving into the early morning office. All the unsuspecting men will be bam-boobled by the Russian rack as it aggressively invades the vision of the whole office floor. Good on you! You are using your breasts to take your power back. You do make me laugh. I would never have the ‘boosooka balls’ to do that.

 

In the meantime, my news is that I managed to destroy half of the supermarket by mistake today. The ghost of diet hell past was standing in a neighbouring isle and I jumped backwards with one of those small children’s chocolates concealed in my hand. In doing so my gym bag hit the first olive oil bottle and toppled the rest of the shelf like dominoes. In the end some mayonnaise erupted all over the floor right beside her. Of course she thought it was her and had no clue of my isle lurking and desperate dashing to avoid yet another dull diet conversation. I really do not need to hear another insight into which part of her body is carrying an extra pound! In a strange way I was quite astounded by how well orchestrated my unintentional distraction technique was.

 

Anyway, while mayonnaise erupted around her, I darted to the self-service till for my twenty pence chocolate. While I paid I could hear endless apology coming from her. When I glanced over my shoulder it turns out that after the mayonnaise crashed beside her, she then jumped backwards and annihilated the special offer chocolate display at the end of the isle. There she was sitting on a pile of chocolate. A few of the chocolate balls burst from their packet and melted onto her works’ trousers. Oh God I felt guilty but could not go over and explain so made a getaway. I do feel a bit of a bitch and a coward, but I could hardly go over and say I was hiding with a kiddy bar of chocolate and accidentally toppled the top shelf. Oh and I am sorry but it looks like you shit yourself.

 

I really do not understand how these situations find me. I could not plan such a destructive force. It is strange how cause and effect works. So the ghost of diet hell past not only thinks she destroyed the area but it looked like she shat herself. I hope that does not make her comfort eat... Bloody hell, the more I practice being classy and elegant the more I seem to innocently annihilate the whole area! The other day I was doing my best to be graceful and walked into a folding door and crushed myself. Try reversing out of one of those into a busy high street without looking a complete dick. Such ‘styling out’ of clumsy situations is a talent never to be underestimated! Anyway, apparently my linguistic skill and description is a little crass so I will have to tailor my wording accordingly. If I am to date a man of class I should say that I did not wish to come across as a public penile calamity. That would provide a classier insight into feeling publically humiliated to the point of resembling a phallis!

So how has the Russian rack parade gone down in your office this morning? I am sure there is going to be gossip! No wonder the grey-knicker parade are always on your case!

Gracie.

 

Dear Gracie,

Bosoms now defy gravity like helium balloon. Men in office smile and smile and women look at me with eyes that wound with resentment. Envy is such a sad state of affairs. The more I flaunt bosom the more enemies I make. The snake has eyed me with contempt. Her breasts are close to her waist from feeding her fat baby, so no doubt she will begin hissing with the bulky bottom brigade.

 

The men’s eyes are alight and they mutter under their breath as I pass by. This makes me happy because when woman look after breast she has power. Power in pert breast - that is why one must invest in breast to come out best. See now Russian is poet of the breast kind! This will make you laugh - my manager took me aside and ask what I thought I was doing. I responded – I am not wearing make-up so will spend less time in toilet. I did this to make you happy. This has confused her. Then she said ‘what about those?’ and glanced at the clever age beneath my chin. I smiled and said, ‘this will take attention away from face so that people do not notice no make-up. Win! Win!’ La la laaaaaaaaaaaa!

 

I have been watching my manger, she does not know how to respond to me. I know that she does not like me. Not many women do. They see me as competition. You are different because you are not girlie girl. You are more Amazonian which means we have very different style so do not have to compete. If you were petite and blonde, I doubt we would be friends.

 

So today I have had a lot of smiling men coming to desk for stationary. Five pencils, one rubber and a pencil sharpener request. See what happens when grey-knicker manager take out issues on me. I hate people controlling me – it always causes rebellion. The thing is she create big bosom issue. I love it...  Every time a man passes by she is making loud angry sound. Jealousy is not an attractive feature for a woman, especially one of the grey-knicker kind!

 

Oh and I feel sad for the ghost of diet hell past. You should have said something! I know her obsessive dieting makes regular haunting but leaving her with chocolate on trousers is unkind!

Oh and anything from rich men?

Eva

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Excuse-fluenza - the success saboteur

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Progress and the issue of Excuse-fluenza.

How many people tell you what they would ‘love’ to do or ‘wish’ they could do and then quickly say but I can’t because…. Pay attention to this because the truth is we all do it. We have beautiful dreams that we quickly sabotage because we have a mental sneeze which covers our dream in our doubtful slime. This common mental ailment is Excuse-fluenza – it is the contagious mental disease of positive thought and the mental flu of progress. Now, before we go any further, I want to mention that this approach is not about ignoring reality and realistic situations. It is more about how we sabotage ourselves before we start. You may decide to be an astronaut and everyone will think you are a ‘space cadet’ and tell you why you can’t but you could experience being and astronaut by experiencing weightlessness in a simulation machine. The point is there are other ways of doing things and the dream can be landed in reality if you are open to alternatives. When I was in my early twenties I decided that I wanted to go around the world. I had no money to fund it and everyone told me that I had to work and save to do this trip. Well, that was one way, the classic way, but me being me was not going to be told no. I wrote down a list of all the places I dreamt of going and collected the pictures. A few years later I was offered a job as a photographer on an exclusive cruise ship that circumnavigated the globe. During my time on ships I circumnavigated the world eight times and went to Antarctica twice. I am glad that I did not listen to the voices of doubt. If anything I heard them and thought f* you – I WILL FIND A WAY!

While working on the ships I had the privilege to meet some very successful people. They all had a ‘can do’ attitude and certainly didn’t make excuses. Instead they looked for challenges and ways to succeed. One of my favourite moments was in Antarctica when I was stood on the bow of a ship with two very well know mountaineers who were studying various mountains and passes. These mountains had never been conquered and they were discussing the best way to ascend them. I asked them how they dealt with people who ‘told them they couldn’t’. They said they viewed them sympathetically because they realised they were telling them why ‘they’ couldn’t and that ultimately such attitudes led people to lead mediocre lives with no adventure. That was an insight for me because there are always doubters, there are always those who are jealous and in truth that is them – not you. Transform their doubt into fuel and use it to drive you to succeed!!! Hurrah!!!!

So the issue of success and the mental sneeze… Can we all be successful? I believe the answer is yes. According to all the negative messaging we receive – the answer is no. Well actually if we consider how we all define success then we can shift that perception. Success does not mean we all have to be celebrities or millionaires. Instead success is as wonderful as being a loving mother and nurturing a family. To another it might simply be becoming good at dancing. There are different levels of success and quite often the ideals we are fed destroy the success we are experiencing on a daily basis. I think one of the most under-valued successes is being a good friend. Instead we all chase financial ideals, being a celebrity or object ideals to demonstrate our success. Success can be in the person and who the person is. What is the point of achieving being a millionaire and being a selfish git? Financial success with a personality of an arse? Oh well done!!! Clap, clap! Although that individual may well be a huge success at being an arse!

So before going any further, if you wish to work on your success, write a vision of what success is for you? Is it paying off your mortgage? Becoming a world champion water-skier? Going for a jaunt around the world? Or becoming the best friend, mother, confident… When you know what it is that you want to achieve – write down all you mentally snotty reasons why you can’t. Apply the Excuse-fluenza and get it out of your system! Now it is time to realise that is your inner doubter. Next to each negative write two reasons why you can. That is your inner motivator. Now consider the classic ways to achieve it and now consider the alternatives… There are always ways and means, sometimes you simply have to be open to alternatives… 

In the meantime, look at your excuses and ask yourself why you are stopping yourself.

I can’t do it because…

I can’t do it because I am too old, too fat, too tired, there is not enough time, I don’t have the money.

Now look at the people who are doing what you desire. I heard someone say they couldn’t start yoga because they were too old. I then mentioned that I had a 90 year old yoga teacher who started yoga in their sixties. The response was – but that is not the same. Actually it is! There are people doing the things you want to achieve who had the same issues. In terms of time – know this: we all have exactly the same hours in the day. Can you swap watching television to focusing on generating success?

As I said, this disease of Excuse-fluenza is an accepted state. We all buy into each other’s mental sneezes and infect each other. The only way you can cure it is by noticing the self-sabotaging thoughts and shifting your mental habits. Use that sneeze a momentum to achieve your success. Good luck!

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The Lesson In Opposites

The lesson in polarity.

Have you noticed how many really rather strange people lurk on this planet? I have been thinking in depth about their existence and the point of them. I would also like to mention that to some people I may seem a rather random phenomenon – thinking about weirdoes and the point of their existence. Weirdo-existentialism could be a new field of behavioural theory - Weirdism.

So over the last few years, through the wonderful world of internet dating, it has been my great fortune to meet many a complete and absolute wombat. I have met liars, cheats, fantasists, men who have numerous women on the go and can ‘justify’ it through their need to ‘cultivate’ themselves. Of course I have met some wonderful men who have experience the same with the female versions who are also married, lie, fantasise and basically rip the men off. Now that we have that clear – this is a general weirdo /polarity discussion. With all this odd behaviour and justification, one can look at it in two ways – you can look at it as misfortune and become the victim. You can glance across at happy couples who blissfully gaze into each other’s eyes, who genuinely feel love and feel a hint of jealous or you can transform it to your benefit. This is where polarity came in. I only realised how much I valued truth by meeting so many people who lied. I asked whether it was my shadow and it was showing me that I lie. That was not the case; instead, it made me think about the value of honest, good people and how lucky I am to have so many in my life.

I learned about selfishness through meeting those who were self-obsessed and did not consider others. I asked whether I wanted to become that kind of person. I made the changes in me necessary.

Kindness is a beautiful virtue – how often do we appreciate that trait in others? Does it really take meeting those who are unkind to cultivate our own kindness and not treat others badly?

Respect and consideration. How much do you respect yourself? How much do you demonstrate it? Then why would you allow another to show you disrespect? The same with consideration – do you consider others to the detriment of yourself – who really considers you?

Criticism. Have you ever been out with anyone who is controlling and criticises? What right have they got to do that? Why has anyone got the right to criticise another? That was when the penny dropped – in my head I criticised others. The size of a bottom, the hair style – the combination of clothing. I never said it aloud, however, it was going on in my head. I realised I was finding fault in others to feel better about myself. It took someone criticising me to see how my mental laser-beam was focused. I focused on the fault and the negative. Did I want that to be my inner world? It took time to shift the habit and move to genuine compliments and purposely finding the good in others and in myself. Yet this shift in perspective proved to me that polarity was quite a phenomenon. Critisism->Compliment-tastic. People light up when you see the good in them and point it out. They shrivel at criticism. I am not saying do this in a false approval way. If you see something good – it is worth pointing out.

Love. This was one of the biggies for me – why would you expect someone outside yourself to love you when in actual fact are you demonstrating love to yourself. Will it really take you to hate another to understand what you really want to feel is love?

The fantasists are those who dream and do nothing about it. They talk about it, imagine it and do nothing to make what they talk about real. They share their vision or their sexual fantasy and then what? Well they talk some more, dream some more and then repeat. I realised I was a dreamer; however, my actions took my dreams into writing reality. Through meeting endless ‘talkers’ who fantasised I learned that landing your dream asteroids on earth was paramount to progress. Maybe some do not wish to progress and good on them.

Finally my biggest learning of all these interactions for me was discernment. Have you ever asked yourself the question – who do you really want in your life? What are the qualities of those people? So why tolerate the dickheads? Why do you have people in your life who drain your energy and cause you to feel bad through criticism, lies and moaning? Are we simply being nice – because they certainly aren’t! Maybe the lesson for them is ‘if you carry on like an arsehole you will end up alone – a lone arsehole’. There is no point playing martyr and tolerating their behaviour because it will only lead to resentment.

So I have now finished the drafts of my twelve books in the Richidiot.com series and to be very honest – I never ever Ever EVER want to internet date again. The thing is the dating time and the time writing the RichIdiot.com - dating series was a massive learning for me because I quite simply did not ‘get some of the guys and their behaviour.’ I realised I never would because they had different values and saw the world in a completely different way. They could justify their ‘odd behaviour’ to themselves or anyone who would listen. The lesson in discernment and learning what type of person I really wanted in my life was a major one. I then had to figure out how I could kindly remove myself from those who weren’t what I wanted.

During the few year writing the series, my life changed and so did I. I realise that through writing  RichIdiot.com I changed, my perception of life changed and through meeting numerous weirdoes that polarity was an immensely clever universal learning tool. I hope you can see that we have two ways to look at things – from shit you can grow a rose.

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Self-awareness and perceptions of self.

Self-awareness and perceptions of self.

Have you ever thought ‘this person seems to think I completely different to who I am?’

Or have you ever been grouped with people who are ‘said’ to have the same characteristics as you?

Well this is what happened to me. I was psychometrically tested and joined with a group who were supposed to be like me. Imagine, you do a test and are placed with people just like you – or are supposed to be just like you? Do you think that you would like them? What do you think they would be like to work with? Are you more likely to consider their good traits or find their faults? If you are noticing them, they will be noticing these in same qualities in you. So, I looked at this group of individuals who were highly ambitious, focused, motivated, competitive and leaders and thought ‘my goodness’ do I really come across like this? I looked across the room at the ‘the nice friendly section’ – the people who were reliable, methodical people who were loyal and nice. I liked that group best and wanted to wander across the room and hang out with them rather than with a group of leaders who were trying to out-lead each other.

The next group were introverts who simply got on with work, they did not need recognition. They were perfectionist who simply produced what was needed. They were slower but did things well. They were the ants that built the ant farm. I liked these people too. They got on with things. There was no competition, they could be utilised to their best ability to build and progress projects. Once you had set them on a course or a project they would continue until completion. Brilliant.

The final group were the detail group. Who asked endless questions.  They are the type that go through everything with a fine-tooth comb and again are quite introverted and take an enormous amount of time to make sure everything is absolutely correct. They often lack confidence to let a piece of work go because they need to check and re-check to make sure it is right.

After this grouping took place, I wondered how many people were truly aware of themselves and how they came across in general. Sometimes we are not aware of how we come across or how people see us until someone gets us complete wrong (according to our self-perception). We think we are a type inside, yet our actions and behaviours can be interpreted in other ways.

So the question – how can we be truly aware of ourselves?

Try this:

Write down the qualities that you really like in people.

Now write the qualities you dislike.

What is it that you like about each quality and what you don’t like?

Who do the qualities remind you of?

The parts that you don’t like in others – why is that?

This is quite a shocking process to realise the things you like in others are often the parts you like about yourself and the same with the parts you dislike. Now this is where it becomes a little more complex. We can only know in others what we know of ourselves. The parts of ourselves that we don’t know will be invisible in others because we have not recognised those parts… Think about it. We can’t know what we don’t know. So this is why I believe that people can get people so wrong. They use others as a mirror to themselves and sometimes see themselves in others. What I realised is that one never needs to take people’s interpretations personally because they are simply seeing themselves. Now with this in mind, have you noticed in your friendship group that you have different friends that bring out different aspects of you? Well I believe there is reason for this too. Having a variety of friends with different qualities enables you to know and see more of yourself.

So… if ultimately the goal is to really know yourself then how do we do this?

A big question – yet one of the most effective way is to journal and consider the three selves.

Try a bit of automatic writing, this is where you write fast without conscious thought. You take the question and simply write.

Write rapidly the answer to this: Who am I as my ultimate self? What would I be doing if I lived without limitation?

Who am I with my current self?  What is my usual approach to life?

Who am I as my most frightened self? What do I stop myself doing through fear?

These are big questions and will take time to digest. This little exercise will provide quite an insight into how removed we can be from our ultimate self and how we hinder ourselves through fear and take the middle road rather than take the risk and aspire to be the ultimate self.

 

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A bit more Rich idiot.com 2- The Love Game.

Hello Gracie,

I have no time to write big email because boss is being bitch. She has given me more work because I hit one hundred payments. The wobbly bottom women are chatting about new year diets while I make rapid payments. Why is this fair? I work too hard for no reward. Thank you for telling me about the word fanny. Now I have big understanding why the managing director started coughing when I said ‘I was so fanny in a meeting the other day’. He didn’t know where to look so he stared at my chest which was perfectly arranged.

 Also I have seen Abdi, he gave me a strange look and winked like he was some kind of Men’s health model. He seems to be spending more time by the drinks machine looking at women. So he will have plenty to admire around your office. What about you? What do you have to look at?

Eva

 

Oh Eva,

In terms of office talent, from my point of view I have had a glance around the office and there are two potential office sexual fantasies but nothing of any really exciting kind. I would love to watch a male hotty-totty walk in slow motion through the office to break up my metric calculations. Or one of those well-formed bottoms to draw my attention. Nothing like that here at the moment. Rubbish! In the meantime, the office pervert has developed his drooling technique and the office bore has moved desks. I will have to time my toilet visits to avoid monotonous stories about beavers or badgers. My worst moment was when he accosted me by the drinks machine and detailed the mating cycle of the Salmon. It was hideous, people in the area were shaking with laughter as I attempted to make every excuse to escape... God this is going to be difficult – having to run the gauntlet between the perve, the bore and detouring past the two office sexual fantasies. Amazing... Do you think it would be weird to bring a pole vault to work?

Will talk later... New Year, New Life and a New Phase of discussion... I feel exhilarated and ready... Bring it on!

Gracie.

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A bit more of Richidiot.com - The love game - post number 4.

Dear Gracie,

I feel sad for woman with flatulence husband but she would not have been at a beautiful hotel without him. She would probably work as waitress. She would not have been able to afford beautiful clothes and her body perfection has been paid for. Without him she would not be living such a lifestyle. I see what she has sacrificed to get what she needs. Many women do this. Which is better? Make sacrifice to get what you want and a lifestyle you desire or work hard but never get anywhere? Not everyone is super intelligent and can have good jobs. Others have different assets. She had beauty that she invested in to get a better return. Her beauty has enabled her a carefree lifestyle with manicures and massages. This is what I dream of. Do you see my side now? I would put up with nostril hair and rancid fart for beautiful lifestyle. Sad isn’t it? I don’t want to work and work like a dog making shyte payments. I want to be pampered. I want to be the princess!

How are your team?

Eva

 

Hello Eva,

I understand what you are saying but it is technically prostitution in that you compromise yourself in exchange for a commodity. I understand that people have different talents, yet maybe she has some unrealised talent which she could contribute to the world rather than sexually service an old chap in leopard skin budgie smugglers. I don’t know her full story and it is not for me to judge. In truth, I was more horrified by his intestinal jet propulsion through the swimming pool.

Oh it seems that the naughty boys really have missed me. They have not tried to annoy me once and Abdi actually smiled and patted me like a dog. He said ‘welcome back, I have missed my wing-woman and I even have saved you a bounty chocolate from the Christmas celebrations chocolates. It is the only flavour I don’t like so I saved it for you.’

Imagine Abdi actually shared something with me... Astounding! He is also the only person I have seen lose weight over Christmas. Something is going on. He has a look in his eye which suggests ‘naughty and determined.’ That combination of traits is something I have not seen in him before. I sense danger, predatory sausage and a couple of new women in the office. It seems the office hotty has competition. Not only has Boobilicious Beth been trumped because there is a new oriental woman who is stunning. Across the way there is a pristine blonde with a slow motion hair-flick and one of those white shirts that reveals the details of her lace bra. She keeps photo-copying with the lid up so that the light reveals all the more. I wondered why Abdi and Greg have moved closer to the photocopier. They are as transparent as her blouse!

You know what Eva? This is suspect, Abdi has a new suit, more deodorant than ever and a new pair of shoes. I went for a walk to the coffee machine with Gary, we have both noticed the shift in him. There is an underlying smoothness developing. Gary is going to wind him up about it. Since Gary works with coding, he is going to set up an anonymous email account and say that he has been watching Abdi and notices he has changed his suit. He is going to say the powers that be have noticed his newly found self-confidence. Oh this will be fun.

Gracie.

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Strategic thinking and its benefits.

 

 

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Strategic thinking and its benefits.

Isn’t it funny that quite often in life we just get on with things without thinking of the destination? Instead we jump straight in and start doing something without actually considering our intended outcome. This is what I learned today. I just get on with things rather than think of the plan. There were plenty of others like that in the group as well. I know it is simple and there are probably numerous strategically minded thinking people muttering ‘hello –obvious!!!’ Well to some people strategic thinking isn’t obvious. In fact, have you ever considered how people think so differently? Some people achieve their goals by taking action, others build structures and order while some simply think about what they need to do until they get it clear in their head.

Take for example your own life – what is your two year plan, your five year plan or your ten year plan?

Is there something you really want to achieve but you kind of hope it will just happen or just fall into place?

For me, this last couple of weeks has provided necessity, the mother of all invention. I am coming to the end of a five year plan, where I pretty much achieved all that I desired. However, I realised that I do not have a strategy or plan for the future or the next ten years. When I have no goal or no focus I find that I waft around in nothingness, not really getting anywhere or achieving anything. I then stagnate, feel stuck and get frustrated. I find that so many people really don’t know what they want so just get by. When someone close by to them achieves something great they say well ‘that was easy for them.’ It was not easy for them – they more than likely set a goal, decided on what they wanted and created a plan to achieve it.

So… are you ready to plan? To make that plan that will get you somewhere rather than sitting on your posterior waiting for a random miracle to happen?

First get that MISSION together.

The MISSION statement asks what do you really want? As a brand why do you exist? It might be to be the best you can be. Or to be the best cook in the world. What is it that you really want? What is the purpose of the mission? Why does this mission exist?

VISION – what is it you hope to achieve or want to be? So say you want to be the best cook in the world - would your vision be the following: to contribute my skills as a cook to the world through creating innovative and delicious recipes in a book and online. My reputation for unique food combinations generates a reputation and a niche market.

IMPLEMENTATION PLAN:

How do you do it? What needs to happen?

As a cook you might set up a blog and provide a weekly recipe and share your tips on cooking efficiency.

You then build your recipe portfolio and add in the pictures. Finally you self-publish the book on-line and advertise it with your regular recipe blog.

MEASURE OF SUCCESS:

How do you measure whether you are the best cook in the world?

Is it based on book sales? Is it based on how many people read your blog? Do people have to point at you in the street and say ‘that is the best cook in the world or do you need a medal?’ Maybe it is media presence – your own cook and talk show. Whatever the measure is, make sure you measure your success. Look at what works and what does not work and then tailor the plan. Increase more of what works and cut your time wastage on what does not work.

Now do the above for two years.

Work out what you want to achieve over five years.

Finally work out the ten year dream.

Remember the plans can all change. You just need the initial vision in your mind to start the journey to the destination. You don’t travel on a plane and ask where it is you landed do you?

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