The Art of Dealing with Criticism

The Art of Dealing with Criticism

 

Can you think of a single person who likes to be criticised?. Has anyone in the past wandered up to you and said please criticise me? This week I have been thinking a lot about criticism and people's perspectives because I had some work provided with 'constructive feedback.'

 

Just to give you an insight of what initiated these thoughts, within my corporate social media and business work, I often produce presentations. I am always trying to progress and make them more and more interesting. Quite often I push boundaries. Of late I have been using a program called Videoscribe to produce small films to illustrate themes like Rewards and Recognition and promote the Social Media within the corporate environment. For those who work in business or in a corporation; I am sure you know that the main way of communication is through email or making very straight-line Powerpoint presentations. Nothing jumps out at you and the header should be another 'boring email that talks at me.' This is why I lead a communications team because I don't do boring.

 

So this week I made two presentations that were used on a Global scale and my Managing Director came up to me and said "I saw your films. They were very clever but I would not have done it like that." So that was the line... that made me travel on the journey of criticism and how people pass comment on others. I realised that most people's response to criticism is to become defensive. The second is to respond with a snarky comment and the third is to desire to punch them in the balls or smack a female version around the head with a handbag (in your mind of course!) The thing is sometimes people believe they are being helpful. There have been times when a comment has shown me something I missed. So not all criticism is bad. Sometime it is more how you deal with it.

 

 

So with this in mind I came up with the following on how to deal with criticism.

 

The biggest thing is to not take whatever is said personally. People make comments based on themselves. Sometimes they don't even realise they are criticising. What is interesting is so many people believe you care about their opinion. Remember it is just an opinion. Also use the comment to evaluate whether something can be done better to improve your project or whatever is being commented on.

 

So here are a few responses:

 

Response: Thank you for your insight. How would you do it? Oh have you done it like that before and did it get a good response? (This is not to be said with a tone of sarcasm, no matter how tempting).

 

Thank you for your opinion. What did you feel that worked and what needs to be adapted?

 

If you are not bothered by people's approval simply say 'thanks for your input.'

 

Or if you are a bit of a git then simply say 'I would love to see how you would do it and see the final piece.' I write this because the person concerned does not deliver and is just a talker. There are plenty of those in life.

 

This subject then made me think that there must be benefits to criticism... Why else would people do it? In my opinion it is a power dynamic. People criticise to 'steal your fire.' The thing is when you have established self-esteem you look at them and in your head you think 'I couldn't give a sh** what you think.

 

So the benefits of criticism are as follows:

 

The Benefits of Criticism

Personal Growth:

1. Are there any seeds of truth that can be worked on? If there are how can you use this to enable you to grow?

2. Is there a new perspective that you can use? You can expand, evaluate and evolve your thinking?

3. Take the opportunity to hear. Again Criticism gives you a chance to listen effectively to determine what someone actually means.

4. You have the chance to see the world through a critics' eyes. If they are criticising you then what must be going on inside their heads at themselves?

5. When critics hit a sensitive spot then it is an opportunity explore unresolved issues. Why else would you  be triggered into a reaction? If you were resolved within your self then would just smile and say thanks.

6.Criticism enables you to choose peace over conflict. You have a choice - create a drama or let it go.

7. Do you have people-pleasing tendencies? Criticism and your response will highlight whether you desire to please others. Ask yourself why you need to please? Also criticism enables you to define boundaries and teach people how you want to be treated. 

 

8. Learn to be criticised and move on quickly. It the same as fail quickly and move to success. 

You can learn to be time efficient and stop wasting mental energy on being criticisied.

If you have the right state of mind criticism enables you to progress, learn how you feel and whether you wish to be around the critic. We all have inner critics and sometimes criticism reveals something you already knew. Wouldn't it be worse if everyone said something was brilliant and there was an obvious flaw that you had not seen and no one had the balls to tell you? The critical enemy can be your best friend!

AUDIBLE LINK FOR A SHORT COURSE IN CREATIVE WRITING: http://amzn.com/B01390THLK

21/08/15

 

"An Unexpected Gem"

***I was provided a copy of this audio book for the purpose of a review ***

With the required disclaimer out of the way, let me be brutally honest, I had not expected this little gem. In fact, I had expected my listening would be a bit rough and was fortified by it being less than 2 hours.

The synopsis says the author wrote the book as a takeaway from her evening classes on creative writing. My mental context was ... Community Ed evening classes ...and expected a well intended but kind of amateur product. However, I am interested in adult education, and batter my own nerd head against a giant personal creativity brick wall.

So you have an idea of my mind set... low expectations along with high interest.

Amateur hour it was NOT.

I don't know where the author teaches her class, but Sign Me Up! And bring the narrator. Wow. Two hours of unadulterated, straight up, right on, good learning material delivered by a close friend just sharing the material. The narrator's voice was warm, sincere without any artifact or pompous patronising, and well modulated throughout. The material was mind opening for me, with the right mix of the mechanics of writing exercises, sufficient context that using prompts now makes sense to me, and a sprinkling of the inner heart work of creativity through written material.

This was just what I didn't dare hope for in a how to creative writing listen.

Truly an unexpected gem and a learning and growing experience for me.

A keeper and one I will return to many times as I deconstruct my own wall, one block at a time.

Thank You, Ruby and Thank You, Erin.

 

TO BUY MONEY FARM ON AMAZON.com http://amzn.com/B010F04W9O

· Frode

06/08/15

5 STAR

"M.O.N.E.Y. is bad? This book is not!"

So Money Farm by Ruby Allure was a surprise! When I REALLY did not read things about this book I review for Audiobook Blast, I sometimes get books I don't know something about. BTW: I read 99% about the books I want to review, but this book I can't remember I did that for. Anyways: This was a nice surprise, and I think it is one of those books that is better the second time you read it. No joke! I listen to this twice before I made this! Money Farm makes you thin, and who does not like to hear a book that makes you think? It is an awesome book, that I will recommend to all that likes audiobooks, and really to people that does not!

Helen Lloyd English accent its the topic like a glow and a hand! Her "lady like" voice is so cold, and clear I feel that the author made this book thinking that Helen Lloyd would read it out loud! That is how I feel those two fits together! The 2 times 14 hrs and 6 mins I spend with her never feels boring or uninteresting! I would love to spend it again, and I will because this book I will hear again, and again, even when it is 14 hrs and 6 mins long! That is saying something!

I was provided this audiobook at no charge by the author, publisher and/or narrator in exchange for an unbiased review via AudiobookBlast dot com

MONEY FARM

· "Incredibly thought provoking..."

What did you like most about Money Farm?

It was an eye opener.

 

What did you like best about this story?

I like the way it made you think about the way normal everyday life is here and now, and the future...

 

Have you listened to any of Helen Lloyd’s other performances? How does this one compare?

Helen Lloyd narrated this fairly long audiobook brilliantly. Although the story content was very intense and thought provoking, her lovely smooth voice was very easy to listen to and I thought it was just perfect, a fascinating book wonderfully narrated.

 

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes it was, although it is too long to do so.

 

The Lesson In Opposites

The lesson in polarity.

Have you noticed how many really rather strange people lurk on this planet? I have been thinking in depth about their existence and the point of them. I would also like to mention that to some people I may seem a rather random phenomenon – thinking about weirdoes and the point of their existence. Weirdo-existentialism could be a new field of behavioural theory - Weirdism.

So over the last few years, through the wonderful world of internet dating, it has been my great fortune to meet many a complete and absolute wombat. I have met liars, cheats, fantasists, men who have numerous women on the go and can ‘justify’ it through their need to ‘cultivate’ themselves. Of course I have met some wonderful men who have experience the same with the female versions who are also married, lie, fantasise and basically rip the men off. Now that we have that clear – this is a general weirdo /polarity discussion. With all this odd behaviour and justification, one can look at it in two ways – you can look at it as misfortune and become the victim. You can glance across at happy couples who blissfully gaze into each other’s eyes, who genuinely feel love and feel a hint of jealous or you can transform it to your benefit. This is where polarity came in. I only realised how much I valued truth by meeting so many people who lied. I asked whether it was my shadow and it was showing me that I lie. That was not the case; instead, it made me think about the value of honest, good people and how lucky I am to have so many in my life.

I learned about selfishness through meeting those who were self-obsessed and did not consider others. I asked whether I wanted to become that kind of person. I made the changes in me necessary.

Kindness is a beautiful virtue – how often do we appreciate that trait in others? Does it really take meeting those who are unkind to cultivate our own kindness and not treat others badly?

Respect and consideration. How much do you respect yourself? How much do you demonstrate it? Then why would you allow another to show you disrespect? The same with consideration – do you consider others to the detriment of yourself – who really considers you?

Criticism. Have you ever been out with anyone who is controlling and criticises? What right have they got to do that? Why has anyone got the right to criticise another? That was when the penny dropped – in my head I criticised others. The size of a bottom, the hair style – the combination of clothing. I never said it aloud, however, it was going on in my head. I realised I was finding fault in others to feel better about myself. It took someone criticising me to see how my mental laser-beam was focused. I focused on the fault and the negative. Did I want that to be my inner world? It took time to shift the habit and move to genuine compliments and purposely finding the good in others and in myself. Yet this shift in perspective proved to me that polarity was quite a phenomenon. Critisism->Compliment-tastic. People light up when you see the good in them and point it out. They shrivel at criticism. I am not saying do this in a false approval way. If you see something good – it is worth pointing out.

Love. This was one of the biggies for me – why would you expect someone outside yourself to love you when in actual fact are you demonstrating love to yourself. Will it really take you to hate another to understand what you really want to feel is love?

The fantasists are those who dream and do nothing about it. They talk about it, imagine it and do nothing to make what they talk about real. They share their vision or their sexual fantasy and then what? Well they talk some more, dream some more and then repeat. I realised I was a dreamer; however, my actions took my dreams into writing reality. Through meeting endless ‘talkers’ who fantasised I learned that landing your dream asteroids on earth was paramount to progress. Maybe some do not wish to progress and good on them.

Finally my biggest learning of all these interactions for me was discernment. Have you ever asked yourself the question – who do you really want in your life? What are the qualities of those people? So why tolerate the dickheads? Why do you have people in your life who drain your energy and cause you to feel bad through criticism, lies and moaning? Are we simply being nice – because they certainly aren’t! Maybe the lesson for them is ‘if you carry on like an arsehole you will end up alone – a lone arsehole’. There is no point playing martyr and tolerating their behaviour because it will only lead to resentment.

So I have now finished the drafts of my twelve books in the Richidiot.com series and to be very honest – I never ever Ever EVER want to internet date again. The thing is the dating time and the time writing the RichIdiot.com - dating series was a massive learning for me because I quite simply did not ‘get some of the guys and their behaviour.’ I realised I never would because they had different values and saw the world in a completely different way. They could justify their ‘odd behaviour’ to themselves or anyone who would listen. The lesson in discernment and learning what type of person I really wanted in my life was a major one. I then had to figure out how I could kindly remove myself from those who weren’t what I wanted.

During the few year writing the series, my life changed and so did I. I realise that through writing  RichIdiot.com I changed, my perception of life changed and through meeting numerous weirdoes that polarity was an immensely clever universal learning tool. I hope you can see that we have two ways to look at things – from shit you can grow a rose.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00ATF8QF2

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00NE2OGWE