Ruby Allure's Books

Ruby Allure's Books
Ruby Allure's Books

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

The Lesson In Opposites

The lesson in polarity.

Have you noticed how many really rather strange people lurk on this planet? I have been thinking in depth about their existence and the point of them. I would also like to mention that to some people I may seem a rather random phenomenon – thinking about weirdoes and the point of their existence. Weirdo-existentialism could be a new field of behavioural theory - Weirdism.

So over the last few years, through the wonderful world of internet dating, it has been my great fortune to meet many a complete and absolute wombat. I have met liars, cheats, fantasists, men who have numerous women on the go and can ‘justify’ it through their need to ‘cultivate’ themselves. Of course I have met some wonderful men who have experience the same with the female versions who are also married, lie, fantasise and basically rip the men off. Now that we have that clear – this is a general weirdo /polarity discussion. With all this odd behaviour and justification, one can look at it in two ways – you can look at it as misfortune and become the victim. You can glance across at happy couples who blissfully gaze into each other’s eyes, who genuinely feel love and feel a hint of jealous or you can transform it to your benefit. This is where polarity came in. I only realised how much I valued truth by meeting so many people who lied. I asked whether it was my shadow and it was showing me that I lie. That was not the case; instead, it made me think about the value of honest, good people and how lucky I am to have so many in my life.

I learned about selfishness through meeting those who were self-obsessed and did not consider others. I asked whether I wanted to become that kind of person. I made the changes in me necessary.

Kindness is a beautiful virtue – how often do we appreciate that trait in others? Does it really take meeting those who are unkind to cultivate our own kindness and not treat others badly?

Respect and consideration. How much do you respect yourself? How much do you demonstrate it? Then why would you allow another to show you disrespect? The same with consideration – do you consider others to the detriment of yourself – who really considers you?

Criticism. Have you ever been out with anyone who is controlling and criticises? What right have they got to do that? Why has anyone got the right to criticise another? That was when the penny dropped – in my head I criticised others. The size of a bottom, the hair style – the combination of clothing. I never said it aloud, however, it was going on in my head. I realised I was finding fault in others to feel better about myself. It took someone criticising me to see how my mental laser-beam was focused. I focused on the fault and the negative. Did I want that to be my inner world? It took time to shift the habit and move to genuine compliments and purposely finding the good in others and in myself. Yet this shift in perspective proved to me that polarity was quite a phenomenon. Critisism->Compliment-tastic. People light up when you see the good in them and point it out. They shrivel at criticism. I am not saying do this in a false approval way. If you see something good – it is worth pointing out.

Love. This was one of the biggies for me – why would you expect someone outside yourself to love you when in actual fact are you demonstrating love to yourself. Will it really take you to hate another to understand what you really want to feel is love?

The fantasists are those who dream and do nothing about it. They talk about it, imagine it and do nothing to make what they talk about real. They share their vision or their sexual fantasy and then what? Well they talk some more, dream some more and then repeat. I realised I was a dreamer; however, my actions took my dreams into writing reality. Through meeting endless ‘talkers’ who fantasised I learned that landing your dream asteroids on earth was paramount to progress. Maybe some do not wish to progress and good on them.

Finally my biggest learning of all these interactions for me was discernment. Have you ever asked yourself the question – who do you really want in your life? What are the qualities of those people? So why tolerate the dickheads? Why do you have people in your life who drain your energy and cause you to feel bad through criticism, lies and moaning? Are we simply being nice – because they certainly aren’t! Maybe the lesson for them is ‘if you carry on like an arsehole you will end up alone – a lone arsehole’. There is no point playing martyr and tolerating their behaviour because it will only lead to resentment.

So I have now finished the drafts of my twelve books in the series and to be very honest – I never ever Ever EVER want to internet date again. The thing is the dating time and the time writing the - dating series was a massive learning for me because I quite simply did not ‘get some of the guys and their behaviour.’ I realised I never would because they had different values and saw the world in a completely different way. They could justify their ‘odd behaviour’ to themselves or anyone who would listen. The lesson in discernment and learning what type of person I really wanted in my life was a major one. I then had to figure out how I could kindly remove myself from those who weren’t what I wanted.

During the few year writing the series, my life changed and so did I. I realise that through writing I changed, my perception of life changed and through meeting numerous weirdoes that polarity was an immensely clever universal learning tool. I hope you can see that we have two ways to look at things – from shit you can grow a rose.

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