Satisfaction...

Finding Satisfaction

The quickest way to lead yourself into dissatisfaction is to make comparison. If you think about it, all of us are unique and not one of us is the same so what is the point of making comparison?

One of my friends is working on her ‘grudges’ against people who have more than her. It has been an interesting insight into how she sees things. It seems that what makes her angry is those people who have miraculously large amounts of money arrive in their bank accounts as if by magic. Or people that get free luxury holidays. Obviously from the outside it is relatively amusing watching someone go red in the face over the fact that a friend has been given a free luxury holiday in Australia or Dubai; however, it did get me thinking. Why can’t people be happy for other people’s good? What is the point of jealousy? All of it is a waste of time and energy. When you are throwing yourself into aggravation over someone else’s good then you are not working on your own. I shared this with my friend and asked whether she could compare a bamboo to an oak or a tulip to a rose. She seemed bemused at first and then she realised what I was saying. There is no comparison; what’s more, there will always be someone richer, prettier, fitter, stronger, cleverer – so why are you comparing to them? You are unique and you have your own things that people are comparing to.

 

 

 

For me dissatisfaction is a sad experience, one that I have been working on for a while. It is learning what is it that makes a person feel dissatisfied and why? I realised I was causing my own dissatisfaction by comparing myself to some of the literary greats or the world’s most successful people (quite clearly I may have aspirations of grandeur) and through doing this I was ensuring that I felt bad. The thing is have you noticed that one is more likely to compare to people who have more than you rather than those who have less? Those who have less would be more than grateful for what you have? So how I combatted the comparison / dissatisfaction issue was to really focus on my stuff and when I caught that little voice in my head making comparison, I watched what it was saying and asked myself where the voice had originated. It is fascinating what the inner commentary tells you and what it drives you to do. It is almost manipulative ‘you will only be good enough when…’ 'If you do so and so... have so and so... then life will be so much better.' Then the next chase begins... 

 

 

So why compare? comparison was necessary in primal times to establish your hierarchy within a tribe. Maybe that is why we still do it. The thing is I do not intend to spend my life in a state of dissatisfaction that I have created for myself through comparison. The root cause of the dissatisfaction is comparison so therefore by not comparing and focusing on what you have and what you have achieved then you will experience satisfaction. Give it a try and see what happens.

 

 

 

 

You can find my books at the following link: Ruby Allure books on Audible:

http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

 

 

 

AUDIBLE BOOK AVAILABLE HERE:

 

LINK TO BUY ON AUDIBLE:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/A-Short-Course-In-Creative-Writing-Audiobook/B012OVUKE8/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1443260320&sr=1-1

 

LINK TO PAPERBACK ON AMAZON.COM

A Short Course in Creative Writing
by Ms Ruby Allure
Link: http://amzn.com/1517234832

When You Put Your Heart Into It.

Put Your Heart Into It!

Have you ever really put your heart into something and really gone for it? What was the result? I will be honest, over the years there have been a few corporate projects that I worked hard on just to get them done but I didn't put my whole heart into them. Some might ask - why should you put your heart into everything? Just get it done and move onto the next project... I disagree... This is something you learn - when you put your heart into something you actually experience a different result. When you put your heart into something you are more likely to be proud of what you have achieved. In being proud you will be more likely to share it with a real sense of pleasure. Have you ever purchased something because of the sheer enthusiasm of the person selling it? Yes so have I.

I was recently read some of the excellent work by Brene Brown on power, shame and vulnerability. In her works she talks about whole heartedly committing and the reasons why people don't. Quite often the main reason for not jumping in with both feet is simply fear: fear of not being enough, fear of not being worthy, feart of being humiliated and the fear of experiencing the emotion of shame as a result. This whole fear concept sent me into a rather fascinating mental churn. I thought about all the times that I held myself back through fear. It was easy enough to identify the times I did it. Then I asked myself what was my motivation for holding myself back. Now this is when I experienced an emotional tremour... I assumed I resisted whole heartedness due to the fear of failure. Although the answer was more profound. It was the fear of success. When I put my heart into whatever I did and succeeded then I had no excuses anymore. There was no reason left to hide or to blame. The image of the trapeze artist having the net removed flicked through my mind. Hiding was a safety net and whole heartedness meant launching from one trapeze to another and committing to making that leap and accepting the repercussions if things went wrong.

There are days when shifts take place and suddenly you see the world in a new light. The realisation that fear holds us back and the fear of our own greatness is our personal saboteur. With that in mind, isn't it time to ask what you would do if there was no fear? What would you do if you could purely put your heart and passion into a cause without negative repercussion? If this is possible then why not give it a go and put your heart into what you desire to achieve in an authentic way? This is your life and your heart is a powerful driving force once you connect to it. Every one of us has something to contribute to existence so why not put your heart into that contribution?

BUYERS MAKE THE BEST LOVERS -

NO ONE TOLD YOU THAT DID THEY?

OFFICE ZOO LINK TO AMAZON.COM Link: http://amzn.com/B013N51MNC

LINKS TO AMAZON.COM:

LABYRINTHINE AMAZON.COM LINK: Link: http://amzn.com/B012FAYI5U

A SHORT COURSE IN CREATIVE WRITING LINK: Link: http://amzn.com/B01390THLK

MONEY FARM LINK TO AMAZON.COM :Link: http://amzn.com/B010F04W9O

I thought I may as well add the most recent Money Farm review... Love it!

 

Extremely thought provoking...

BySusan Keefeon July 13, 2015

Format: Kindle Edition

Gillian’s world is turned upside down when she is unexpectedly ‘released’ from her job. Her government funding is revoked after the board decides they did not like a paper she wrote on ‘Reactants, resistance, reflexivity and reversal in times of financial and social hardship.’

All of a suddenly her secure life has gone. What will she do? All around her people are getting into debt, being encouraged to spend more than they have, buy things they don’t need. Possessions are everything, all that matters. Why? How had the world gotten into this state, and why didn’t the powers that be want to hear what she had to say?

Not taking her redundancy laying down Gillian’s resolve hardens as she actively strives to understand the financial system and money handling. Living on her savings whilst looking for a job, she soon discovers that it won’t be long before she is homeless.

But what about M.O.N.E.Y? The people who work for M.O.N.E.Y live at the Money Farm, which was a series of huge walled islands, linked by bridges, which has been in existence for over 200 years. Gillian becomes obsessed with the M.O.N.E.Y concept. Who are these people, how are they chosen? M.O.N.E.Y is totally self-sufficient, secretive, she has to know more.

How do you become part of M.O.N.E.Y, this amazing organisation whose employees themselves are intriguing?

Then, one day she follows a M.O.N.E.Y employee out of a shop and asks the man the leading question “How do I become one of you?”

This simple question, and his reply changes her life forever.

As she trains and is inducted into the world of M.O.N.E.Y, Gillian soon discovers that she has in fact been chosen. Her militant nature and questioning attitude allows her to think outside the box. However, I wondered, as the story progressed, did M.O.N.E.Y have any idea of what her impact would be?

This was a fascinating book, deep and very thought provoking, it made you wonder…

I will certainly be looking out for more very interesting books by this talented author.

 

 

 

The Green eyed monster

The Green Eyed Monster

I often wonder why jealousy exists. It is such a strange emotion and complex to say the least. My reason to explore this is because one of my best male friends was recently consumed with jealousy. It was triggered when we were down on the beach and he noticed how many couples there were in a state of loved-up bliss. He had recently split up with his ex who had pretty quickly moved on to his friend. Not surprisingly he was a little raw. He then sat and openly admitted he was jealous of all the happy couples. He then said, ‘do you think they are really happy?’

 

I was a little perplexed to say the least. Just because he did not have the perfect relationship he began to undermine other people’s appearance of happiness. My response was ‘I hope they all are happy because that means that I can have that too. Their happiness or lack of happiness is nothing to do with me.’ In that moment my friend had a terrible ‘shattering’ realisation. ‘I’m bitter aren’t I?’

                ‘You are still healing after a break-up.’

He looked mortified and then confessed that he gets jealous about a lot of things:

People who have it easy.

People who don’t have to work.

People in effortless relationships.

People with huge houses.

The list went on. This jealousy thing sat with me for a while and I asked my work colleagues about the different kinds of jealousy they experience. There was plenty of it in relation to pay packets, hierarchy, promotions and when others succeed. In truth, I don’t really have that emotion, or so I thought. I then saw my ex with a really hot woman who had similar attributes to me – but she was ten years younger and I had a pang. So there it was – jealousy – he had moved on and I considered myself ‘free’. Yet something had triggered in my heart. This then got me thinking. What was it that triggered the jealousy and what is it that stops a feeling of jealousy?

http://www.amazon.com/Ruby-Allure/e/B00M9Y4GAA/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2?qid=1434880117&sr=8-2

 

For me, jealousy is based on either a fear or a comparison. Think about how siblings become jealous when one is shown more attention or given something that the other has not received.  Some of my female friends become jealous when another friend attracts a high class man or receives a gift. My male friends have pointed out that they feel jealous when another chap buys a nice car or house. Others become jealous over how much time friends spend with each other.  Others became jealous when their spouses or other halves flirted or just talked with other women or men. I also had a number of accounts of how jealousy destroyed relationships. When the green eyed monster reared its head, it resulted in controlling behaviour and emotional outbursts. After a while the partner could not tolerate the controlling tantrums anymore. This then led me to think that jealousy comes from the fear of loss or a sense of lack of power. It also comes from a lack of self-esteem. If the individual felt good enough, then surely they would be so content in themselves that they would not need to grow jealous. So the question is how can it be overcome?

http://www.amazon.com/Ruby-Allure/e/B00M9Y4GAA/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2?qid=1434880117&sr=8-2

 

This is what I came up with and I hope it will help.

Before going any further it is worth looking at one’s self-esteem and working on that first. The book Self-esteem by Caroline Myss is amazing!

Next:

1)      Recognise when you feel jealous. What is the specific aspect that triggered it? What are you actually jealous of?

2)      Are you comparing yourself? Do you fear the loss of something?

3)      If you were completely empowered and were in your best self what would you say to yourself?

4)      What is the core belief? Is it – I can’t have… I am not good enough to… I fear the loss of…

5)      Identify that core belief and write it down. Now, and this might make you feel sick, affirm the opposite. So for example I am jealous because I haven’t met my perfect partner can be transformed to ‘I am lovable and I effortless attract my perfect partner…’ According to EFT, you are able to cancel out the negative with the positive. It does not mean that your ideal partner will miraculously appear, however, it will adjust your belief to make it possible.

6)      Become aware that the trigger of jealousy is clever because it makes you aware of what you really want.

7)      Pay attention to similar feelings of jealousy and record the details of the jealousy and affirm the opposite until you feel free of that belief.

After sitting with this jealousy for a few weeks and paying attention, I came to the conclusion that there is a benefit to jealousy if it can be viewed objectively. It is a trigger to recognise what you really want. It also reveals when you are not in your ‘best state’ because ultimately if you were feeling wonderful about life and yourself then you would not see or notice anything that would make you jealous. Your mental focus would be noticing positive situations.

http://www.amazon.com/Ruby-Allure/e/B00M9Y4GAA/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2?qid=1434880117&sr=8-2

 

DO YOU HAVE ANY JEALOUS INCIDENTS OR WAYS TO GET OVER IT?

PLEASE COMMENT...

What Is True Self-esteem?

Self-esteem and true confidence.

Have you ever considered what gives a person true confidence and a sense of self-esteem? I am not talking about the type who have external bravado, where someone appears, instead the type of self-esteem I am referring to is where there is a certain glowing presence emanating from the person.  In fact these people ‘feel’ so present and unshakable. They are like the solid oak trees who feel so rooted in themselves and definite that nothing will phase or sway them.

The reason I have been thinking about the subject was a little while ago I had some very complex work that I had to complete with a mass of formulae and inter-linked calculations. It was so complex that I could barely explain how I had come to the final figures to my colleagues, let alone have anyone check what I had created. This took me into a state of uncertainty because it meant I had reverse everything that I had calculated to see if I returned to the origin. Again there was no one who could provide approval or tell me I had made the right calculation. Now that was it… that was the key word ‘approval’. For some reason I had a sense of doubt about what I had created and was searching for someone externally to approve of my calculations.

On the day when I had to hand in the calculations there was webinar all about confidence. While I reversed my calculations simultaneously and cross-checked I watched/listened intermittently to the webinar. It was quite profound because at one point I was staring at the figures and the woman being interviewed said ‘sometimes we just have to have confidence in what we have created and let it go.’ At times like that you wonder whether you are on a big brother show. Needless to say, I handed in the work but considered what true confidence and self-esteem really were. This took me on a series of tenuous thoughts about approval, where people search for approval and what happens when we don’t receive approval.  In truth, these thoughts haunted me. I observed people and their behaviours in attempt to work out who had self-esteem and who didn’t. I particularly liked bar observation in the ‘mating’ dynamics of who is attracted to whom; who is punching above their weight and what people do to gain attention? Bottoms hanging below skirt lines suggested low self-esteem along with bosoms that were directed to the ceiling. What made it most fascinating were the women who did not need to flaunt, instead carried a self-assured presence. ‘Something about them,’ magnetised people. It was the same with certain chaps, they had a stance and a sense of self-reliability – a definite presence. It was not false or manufactured.

In every case it was not about how they looked, it was about who they were. Think about it – we all have internal and external worlds. I talk about this a lot when I teach creative writing. The internal world is often completely different, almost the polarity of the external world. So many people expend huge amounts of energy appearing to be that which they are not whilst suppressing that which they are or don’t really like. Why don’t they like that part, their shadow? It is because at some point someone did not approve of it.

So with all these thoughts I wondered what a person would be like if they did not need other people to approve of them. How free would they be? Imagine you had a dream and you wanted to really make it happen yet you shared it with someone and they said it was rubbish. What would you do? Would you believe their opinion was right over yours? This is where true self-esteem comes in. You would not care what the other person thought. So that then made me ask the question – how do we arrive at that point? How do we stop being bothered by other people’s opinions or require their approval? Well the answer, in truth, is inside. The person searching for approval externally needs to re-direct their gaze internally and search for the parts in themselves that are not being approved of by them. One can do this by journaling, doing emotional freedom tapping or contact the inner child through meditation. The journey to uniting your fragments involves tracing the parts of you that are not approved of. Once you find them, no matter how ugly they are you must intend to accept and love these parts through your different ages. All the time you reject these parts of self, they will have power over you. Once you accept them you can integrate them and you will stop meeting people who represent these parts of you. Once you start this work you will discover many vaulted memories and possibly experience some extreme emotions. When these feelings do arise, sit with them, feel them and allow them to be processed. Over time, one fragment, by another fragment, the parts of self that have not been approved of are united. In doing this you gain energy and a sense of self-power and love. Over time you will arrive in a state of ‘no need.’ In that state you realise you have become. In a state of being nothing wavers you and that is when you find true self-esteem. This is when everything becomes possible. It is not an easy journey but one worth taking to unite the fragments of self. Alternatively you can keep looking externally, hand over your power to others to have them tell you that you are okay… To me that sounds ridiculous when you can become your ultimate and empowered self. Isn’t life about becoming the best you can be? To me that best does not require permission from others to be your ultimate self.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00TZWLRL0

 

Oh and my great news: The Money Farm is going to be produced on audible and so is A Short Course In Creative Writing. In celebration of this fact the above Kindle version is on offer for £0.99 on amazon.co.uk http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00TZWLRL0