When You Put Your Heart Into It.

Put Your Heart Into It!

Have you ever really put your heart into something and really gone for it? What was the result? I will be honest, over the years there have been a few corporate projects that I worked hard on just to get them done but I didn't put my whole heart into them. Some might ask - why should you put your heart into everything? Just get it done and move onto the next project... I disagree... This is something you learn - when you put your heart into something you actually experience a different result. When you put your heart into something you are more likely to be proud of what you have achieved. In being proud you will be more likely to share it with a real sense of pleasure. Have you ever purchased something because of the sheer enthusiasm of the person selling it? Yes so have I.

I was recently read some of the excellent work by Brene Brown on power, shame and vulnerability. In her works she talks about whole heartedly committing and the reasons why people don't. Quite often the main reason for not jumping in with both feet is simply fear: fear of not being enough, fear of not being worthy, feart of being humiliated and the fear of experiencing the emotion of shame as a result. This whole fear concept sent me into a rather fascinating mental churn. I thought about all the times that I held myself back through fear. It was easy enough to identify the times I did it. Then I asked myself what was my motivation for holding myself back. Now this is when I experienced an emotional tremour... I assumed I resisted whole heartedness due to the fear of failure. Although the answer was more profound. It was the fear of success. When I put my heart into whatever I did and succeeded then I had no excuses anymore. There was no reason left to hide or to blame. The image of the trapeze artist having the net removed flicked through my mind. Hiding was a safety net and whole heartedness meant launching from one trapeze to another and committing to making that leap and accepting the repercussions if things went wrong.

There are days when shifts take place and suddenly you see the world in a new light. The realisation that fear holds us back and the fear of our own greatness is our personal saboteur. With that in mind, isn't it time to ask what you would do if there was no fear? What would you do if you could purely put your heart and passion into a cause without negative repercussion? If this is possible then why not give it a go and put your heart into what you desire to achieve in an authentic way? This is your life and your heart is a powerful driving force once you connect to it. Every one of us has something to contribute to existence so why not put your heart into that contribution?

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I thought I may as well add the most recent Money Farm review... Love it!

 

Extremely thought provoking...

BySusan Keefeon July 13, 2015

Format: Kindle Edition

Gillian’s world is turned upside down when she is unexpectedly ‘released’ from her job. Her government funding is revoked after the board decides they did not like a paper she wrote on ‘Reactants, resistance, reflexivity and reversal in times of financial and social hardship.’

All of a suddenly her secure life has gone. What will she do? All around her people are getting into debt, being encouraged to spend more than they have, buy things they don’t need. Possessions are everything, all that matters. Why? How had the world gotten into this state, and why didn’t the powers that be want to hear what she had to say?

Not taking her redundancy laying down Gillian’s resolve hardens as she actively strives to understand the financial system and money handling. Living on her savings whilst looking for a job, she soon discovers that it won’t be long before she is homeless.

But what about M.O.N.E.Y? The people who work for M.O.N.E.Y live at the Money Farm, which was a series of huge walled islands, linked by bridges, which has been in existence for over 200 years. Gillian becomes obsessed with the M.O.N.E.Y concept. Who are these people, how are they chosen? M.O.N.E.Y is totally self-sufficient, secretive, she has to know more.

How do you become part of M.O.N.E.Y, this amazing organisation whose employees themselves are intriguing?

Then, one day she follows a M.O.N.E.Y employee out of a shop and asks the man the leading question “How do I become one of you?”

This simple question, and his reply changes her life forever.

As she trains and is inducted into the world of M.O.N.E.Y, Gillian soon discovers that she has in fact been chosen. Her militant nature and questioning attitude allows her to think outside the box. However, I wondered, as the story progressed, did M.O.N.E.Y have any idea of what her impact would be?

This was a fascinating book, deep and very thought provoking, it made you wonder…

I will certainly be looking out for more very interesting books by this talented author.

 

 

 

Money, Sex & Financial Conflicts

Money, sex and financial conflicts.

 

Money is more important than sex in a relationship? I have to be honest, that was a horrifying revelation that I discovered whilst researching this blog. It seems that sexual technique can be adjusted and discussed more easily than finances. So why is there such an issue with partners discussing money? There is a level of shame and vulnerability associated with how much money we have and how we value ourselves. In our society our value is often placed on how much money we have in the bank. If you are in debt does that mean you are worthless? If your partner earns more money than you then does that mean they are worth more?

  

Another interesting finding was that quite often how we handle our finances directly relates to how we handle our emotions too. The stingy miser is likely to hold onto emotions in the same way as they spend money. The financially generous and expressive often replicate the same emotional behaviour. So what happens when we partner these two together? Well it seems that it won’t last. The miser will develop resentment to the financially gregarious.
 

How we handle money and what we believe about money comes from our upbringing and background. If your parents struggled with money while you were a child then it is likely that you will do what you can to save to feel safe. If money was never an issue then financial flippancy might be the call of the day and you may well see money simply as a flow. We have all established habits and financial techniques over our life time and it is only when we enter relationships that we become aware of how some people work in a very different wealth management ways.

Another interesting finding is how money affects the power dynamic of a relationship. One partner may want to control how much money is spent whilst the other wants to be free to enjoy money. This is when secret accounts and monetary stashing begins. Financial affairs result in monetary mis-truths and secrecy. This is where an underlying trust issue can raise its ugly head. Financial conversations and understanding early in relationships contribute to the longevity of relationships. How much do you really know about what is financially important to your partner? How do you both prioritise your money? Is it more important to have things now or save? Is that flashy car more important than a reserve in the bank for a rainy day? If so do you feel financially robbed or financially vulnerable? Remember that not everyone appears to be what they say they are? An ex-partner of mine appeared to be financially abundant yet after a few conversations and a gut feeling, I discovered that he was over 600k in debt. For me that was horrifying; however, he was a risk taker and made back the money within a couple of years. His attitude to money was that it was something to play with. Mine was that money provides stability and security. Neither were right, they were just attitudes.

The money and relationship facts have intrigued me and you may well find these interesting too.  The higher the salary of a man in a relationship the more likely the relationship will last. Although if the individual falls on financial hardship it is likely that the relationship will dissolve in a year. Men with higher wages have a lower divorce rate than lower earners. On the counterbalance – the higher a woman’s wage is in comparison to her partner’s then the more likely they will divorce. For some reason the disparity of a woman who earns more creates relationship issues.

Do you have any advice on money in relationships? If so please comment below…

 

LINK TO MONEY FARM AUDIO: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B010BJOYFQ

The Green eyed monster

The Green Eyed Monster

I often wonder why jealousy exists. It is such a strange emotion and complex to say the least. My reason to explore this is because one of my best male friends was recently consumed with jealousy. It was triggered when we were down on the beach and he noticed how many couples there were in a state of loved-up bliss. He had recently split up with his ex who had pretty quickly moved on to his friend. Not surprisingly he was a little raw. He then sat and openly admitted he was jealous of all the happy couples. He then said, ‘do you think they are really happy?’

 

I was a little perplexed to say the least. Just because he did not have the perfect relationship he began to undermine other people’s appearance of happiness. My response was ‘I hope they all are happy because that means that I can have that too. Their happiness or lack of happiness is nothing to do with me.’ In that moment my friend had a terrible ‘shattering’ realisation. ‘I’m bitter aren’t I?’

                ‘You are still healing after a break-up.’

He looked mortified and then confessed that he gets jealous about a lot of things:

People who have it easy.

People who don’t have to work.

People in effortless relationships.

People with huge houses.

The list went on. This jealousy thing sat with me for a while and I asked my work colleagues about the different kinds of jealousy they experience. There was plenty of it in relation to pay packets, hierarchy, promotions and when others succeed. In truth, I don’t really have that emotion, or so I thought. I then saw my ex with a really hot woman who had similar attributes to me – but she was ten years younger and I had a pang. So there it was – jealousy – he had moved on and I considered myself ‘free’. Yet something had triggered in my heart. This then got me thinking. What was it that triggered the jealousy and what is it that stops a feeling of jealousy?

http://www.amazon.com/Ruby-Allure/e/B00M9Y4GAA/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2?qid=1434880117&sr=8-2

 

For me, jealousy is based on either a fear or a comparison. Think about how siblings become jealous when one is shown more attention or given something that the other has not received.  Some of my female friends become jealous when another friend attracts a high class man or receives a gift. My male friends have pointed out that they feel jealous when another chap buys a nice car or house. Others become jealous over how much time friends spend with each other.  Others became jealous when their spouses or other halves flirted or just talked with other women or men. I also had a number of accounts of how jealousy destroyed relationships. When the green eyed monster reared its head, it resulted in controlling behaviour and emotional outbursts. After a while the partner could not tolerate the controlling tantrums anymore. This then led me to think that jealousy comes from the fear of loss or a sense of lack of power. It also comes from a lack of self-esteem. If the individual felt good enough, then surely they would be so content in themselves that they would not need to grow jealous. So the question is how can it be overcome?

http://www.amazon.com/Ruby-Allure/e/B00M9Y4GAA/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2?qid=1434880117&sr=8-2

 

This is what I came up with and I hope it will help.

Before going any further it is worth looking at one’s self-esteem and working on that first. The book Self-esteem by Caroline Myss is amazing!

Next:

1)      Recognise when you feel jealous. What is the specific aspect that triggered it? What are you actually jealous of?

2)      Are you comparing yourself? Do you fear the loss of something?

3)      If you were completely empowered and were in your best self what would you say to yourself?

4)      What is the core belief? Is it – I can’t have… I am not good enough to… I fear the loss of…

5)      Identify that core belief and write it down. Now, and this might make you feel sick, affirm the opposite. So for example I am jealous because I haven’t met my perfect partner can be transformed to ‘I am lovable and I effortless attract my perfect partner…’ According to EFT, you are able to cancel out the negative with the positive. It does not mean that your ideal partner will miraculously appear, however, it will adjust your belief to make it possible.

6)      Become aware that the trigger of jealousy is clever because it makes you aware of what you really want.

7)      Pay attention to similar feelings of jealousy and record the details of the jealousy and affirm the opposite until you feel free of that belief.

After sitting with this jealousy for a few weeks and paying attention, I came to the conclusion that there is a benefit to jealousy if it can be viewed objectively. It is a trigger to recognise what you really want. It also reveals when you are not in your ‘best state’ because ultimately if you were feeling wonderful about life and yourself then you would not see or notice anything that would make you jealous. Your mental focus would be noticing positive situations.

http://www.amazon.com/Ruby-Allure/e/B00M9Y4GAA/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2?qid=1434880117&sr=8-2

 

DO YOU HAVE ANY JEALOUS INCIDENTS OR WAYS TO GET OVER IT?

PLEASE COMMENT...