Ruby Allure's Books

Ruby Allure's Books
Ruby Allure's Books

Sunday, 2 August 2015

Money, Sex & Financial Conflicts

Money, sex and financial conflicts.
Money is more important than sex in a relationship? I have to be honest, that was a horrifying revelation that I discovered whilst researching this blog. It seems that sexual technique can be adjusted and discussed more easily than finances. So why is there such an issue with partners discussing money? There is a level of shame and vulnerability associated with how much money we have and how we value ourselves. In our society our value is often placed on how much money we have in the bank. If you are in debt does that mean you are worthless? If your partner earns more money than you then does that mean they are worth more?

Another interesting finding was that quite often how we handle our finances directly relates to how we handle our emotions too. The stingy miser is likely to hold onto emotions in the same way as they spend money. The financially generous and expressive often replicate the same emotional behaviour. So what happens when we partner these two together? Well it seems that it won’t last. The miser will develop resentment to the financially gregarious.

How we handle money and what we believe about money comes from our upbringing and background. If your parents struggled with money while you were a child then it is likely that you will do what you can to save to feel safe. If money was never an issue then financial flippancy might be the call of the day and you may well see money simply as a flow. We have all established habits and financial techniques over our life time and it is only when we enter relationships that we become aware of how some people work in a very different wealth management ways.

Another interesting finding is how money affects the power dynamic of a relationship. One partner may want to control how much money is spent whilst the other wants to be free to enjoy money. This is when secret accounts and monetary stashing begins. Financial affairs result in monetary mis-truths and secrecy. This is where an underlying trust issue can raise its ugly head. Financial conversations and understanding early in relationships contribute to the longevity of relationships. How much do you really know about what is financially important to your partner? How do you both prioritise your money? Is it more important to have things now or save? Is that flashy car more important than a reserve in the bank for a rainy day? If so do you feel financially robbed or financially vulnerable? Remember that not everyone appears to be what they say they are? An ex-partner of mine appeared to be financially abundant yet after a few conversations and a gut feeling, I discovered that he was over 600k in debt. For me that was horrifying; however, he was a risk taker and made back the money within a couple of years. His attitude to money was that it was something to play with. Mine was that money provides stability and security. Neither were right, they were just attitudes.

The money and relationship facts have intrigued me and you may well find these interesting too.  The higher the salary of a man in a relationship the more likely the relationship will last. Although if the individual falls on financial hardship it is likely that the relationship will dissolve in a year. Men with higher wages have a lower divorce rate than lower earners. On the counterbalance – the higher a woman’s wage is in comparison to her partner’s then the more likely they will divorce. For some reason the disparity of a woman who earns more creates relationship issues.

Do you have any advice on money in relationships? If so please comment below…

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