Satisfaction...

Finding Satisfaction

The quickest way to lead yourself into dissatisfaction is to make comparison. If you think about it, all of us are unique and not one of us is the same so what is the point of making comparison?

One of my friends is working on her ‘grudges’ against people who have more than her. It has been an interesting insight into how she sees things. It seems that what makes her angry is those people who have miraculously large amounts of money arrive in their bank accounts as if by magic. Or people that get free luxury holidays. Obviously from the outside it is relatively amusing watching someone go red in the face over the fact that a friend has been given a free luxury holiday in Australia or Dubai; however, it did get me thinking. Why can’t people be happy for other people’s good? What is the point of jealousy? All of it is a waste of time and energy. When you are throwing yourself into aggravation over someone else’s good then you are not working on your own. I shared this with my friend and asked whether she could compare a bamboo to an oak or a tulip to a rose. She seemed bemused at first and then she realised what I was saying. There is no comparison; what’s more, there will always be someone richer, prettier, fitter, stronger, cleverer – so why are you comparing to them? You are unique and you have your own things that people are comparing to.

 

 

 

For me dissatisfaction is a sad experience, one that I have been working on for a while. It is learning what is it that makes a person feel dissatisfied and why? I realised I was causing my own dissatisfaction by comparing myself to some of the literary greats or the world’s most successful people (quite clearly I may have aspirations of grandeur) and through doing this I was ensuring that I felt bad. The thing is have you noticed that one is more likely to compare to people who have more than you rather than those who have less? Those who have less would be more than grateful for what you have? So how I combatted the comparison / dissatisfaction issue was to really focus on my stuff and when I caught that little voice in my head making comparison, I watched what it was saying and asked myself where the voice had originated. It is fascinating what the inner commentary tells you and what it drives you to do. It is almost manipulative ‘you will only be good enough when…’ 'If you do so and so... have so and so... then life will be so much better.' Then the next chase begins... 

 

 

So why compare? comparison was necessary in primal times to establish your hierarchy within a tribe. Maybe that is why we still do it. The thing is I do not intend to spend my life in a state of dissatisfaction that I have created for myself through comparison. The root cause of the dissatisfaction is comparison so therefore by not comparing and focusing on what you have and what you have achieved then you will experience satisfaction. Give it a try and see what happens.

 

 

 

 

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Can Happiness Be That Simple?

I will be happy when.... That is quite often the circulating thought that churns in the minds of many. Have you had that thought yourself? Now, for some reason, we all believe that we deserve to be happy. Second of all we are conditioned to believe that happiness is a state external to ourselves. Strange isn't it? We want to feel happy inside by looking outside. That is like expecting a room with no windows to be illuminated by the light beyond the walls.

Over the last weeks I have been contemplating happiness and the contrast dissatisfaction. While doing this I asked many of my colleagues what would make them happy. As a joke I suggested a 'golden cape of excellence' might help. Strangely the thought of trotting around a vast corporation in a gold cape did make us very happy. It was the sense of rebellion that came with it. Yet wearing a gold cape and adopting super-hero poses can only make a person happy for a short amount of time. So the state of constant happiness - where does that come from? This then resulted in the question - can a person be in a state of constant happiness? If they were would they know it?

Yes, here I am again, with questions on the interior world. It seems that we will never experience another person's interior world so one person's feeling of happiness will be very different to anothers'. Of course we will never find out because we can't step into another person's true experience of life.
So happiness, in my opinion feels like a state of relaxation with a sense of warmth in the heart. A feeling of openness like your whole being is smiling. With that definition, I thought what was it that prompted this inner state. Try it - list all the things that make your being smile.
Mine are as follows:
Being naughty / mischievious.
Being playful
Laughing heartily with my friends and colleagues
The feeling after yoga or chi kung.
Feeling united in a team sport
Stand up paddle-boarding.
Doing quiet meditation.
Being on or in the sea.
Running and being in a rhythm.
Having a lovely dinner.
Having a nice, clean home.
Playing with children.
Writing my books and laughing at my own jokes.
Barbecues on the beach with friends in the summer.

So all of the above bring me personal happiness. I looked at the list and realised that none of the above are bought, owned or rely on money. At any moment I can choose to do one of the above and that will make me happy.

What causes me dissatisfaction?
Bills.
Not having enough time.
Rude people.
Things that make me feel stuck.
Getting close to overdraft.
Bitchiness.
Lies and liars.
Bad things happening to good people.
Other people's stupidity.
People who moan.
When I look at the dissatisfaction list, they are based on money and negative character traits. The reality is that I will always have to pay bills and money ebbs and flows. So there is acceptance in that.

So can happiness be simple? Try writing your list... What makes you happy and you will see it is the simple things. A nice car and home are great yet you may well discover that what actually makes you happy are the simplest things. You can choose to fill your life with those and reduce those that make you unhappy. In doing so you increase your happy state.

:)

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