How Dark Is Your Shadow?

How dark is your shadow? Well we all have a light side and a shadow side. If you think of the ying and the yang sign. That shadow side is the part of ourselves that we would rather not look at, the anger, the frustration and the special place where full-on tantrums are made. So the question is how dark is your shadow and why on earth would I even ask you such a question?

Well over the last month I have been entering 'the shadow lands' whilst writing my next book  Elora... (I mentioned the fairy book yesterday on my blog). The thing is the shadow landscape has proven a challenge for me. I found that writing all the baddy stuff was pretty tormenting. In fact it was so tormenting that I actually got stuck for a few weeks, where I literally could not progress. I went into a full state of avoidance because I did not want to go there or enter into the darkness / shadows.

After cleaning my apartment numerous times I had to face the fact I was avoiding the shadow aspect of myself. We all have this aspect and the shadowlands represent an individual's inner dark landscape This darkness is something that has fascinated me over the years. Especially when people reach a point in their lives where they discover 'The Dark Night of the Soul.' That time is when an individual fully enters into their own darkness and discovers all that they have avoided and all that they have been told is wrong in them. The thing is, this is my opinion, is that the person who shines brightest will be forced to face the depths of their darkness. Why? That light and darkness both draw energy. By resolving the darkness, empty energy is not feeding it anymore. That then frees up energy for an individual's full illumination. Have you noticed the people that really aggravate you usually do what you quite often do yourself? Have you also noticed when you are angry you meet more angry people and attract more angry situations? Have you noticed when you face and dissipate the anger then less aggravation comes your way? All of that is part of the shadow.

So this question how dark is your shadow is quite fascinating because it makes you question all that you suppress. Imagine stepping into a corridor that took you to a dark room where all the windows were closed. In that darkness all your fears, all your avoidances sit dormant. When you are in that darkness those fears have power. It is the darkness itself that makes them more powerful because you can't see them. So that room you are in has potential. You can avoid what is in the room and give it power or you can decide to shine light in the room and face what is in there. You don't have to keep the windows shuttered, instead you can open the shutters and shine light on what is in the room. It is fascinating what you will find inside. The tiny little spider (what you feared) was casting a huge shadow. The anger, that you were hiding, was not so bad once you processed it. That fear of intimacy was simply triggered from a long time ago and when rationalised meant you could have happy relationships. There are so many fragments of self lurking in the shadow lands that when you write creatively, you often enter into these lands and discover some huge inner monsters. Those monsters are equivalent of dragons to be slain  or better recognised and transformed and accepted. I will be honest with you all - writing shadows is not that pleasant; however, it enables you to process some nasty stuff from a removed state. It enables you catharsis. So why not try writing about a deep fear from a different character's perspective and in doing so you may have opportunity for catharsis.  The more you face your shadow then the darkness decreases.

Enjoy audio books at the following link:

http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/A-Short-Course-In-Creative-Writing-Audiobook/B012OVUKE8/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1471531270&sr=1-1#customer-reviews

Co-habiting versus No-habiting

Co-habiting versus No-habiting

Okay I might have to admit it: my mum was right! Imagine admitting that. She was right about a lot of things; however, the one really big right was having your own home and own space is bliss. You may wonder where this has come from, well today I was having a discussion with some of the chaps at work who were discussing why women want men to move in so fast. I listened to their assumptions and then heard them say: ‘well they like you being there. They love feeling safe and things get fixed.’ One of the men who has been in a long term relationship said, ‘oh I am glad I moved in because it is so nice to have your washing done and not have to clean the toilet. If you hold out long enough then they will always clean the toilet because you will never do it quick enough or to their liking.’

I sat quietly taking it all in.  Of course I made a few remarks about the ‘jobs list and nagging. They all muttered ‘ahhh jobs lists…’ they all were on the end of that little ditty. My favourite moment was when one chap even admitted to hoovering up his partner’s bra so that he did not have to do the vacuuming anymore.  I would say that was innovative; I would have accidentally nailed his pants to his shed to see how he liked that, but that is just me.

So then this made me wonder why people move in together. The general consensus among the chaps was that it was more cost efficient, that you share bills and be with each other without having to date. At that moment a huge ‘nah ahhhh’ came from my mouth. For these men moving in is the end of dating. The romance period and the woooooooing time simply evaporates.  So why would anyone want to move in fast? Surely the best part of dating is being on dates, getting to know each other rather than cleaning their dirty pants or skid marks. Also everything in our society is so fast paced, you have instant apps for instant relationships which result in instantly moving in. There is no time for the enjoyment or real maturing time for the foundation of a proper relationship. For a short while I resembled sucking a lemon while I contemplated the co-habiting no-habiting dynamic because a few of my friends have recently rid themselves of chaps for the very reason that their men did not contribute to house work or took the house being clean for granted. At first their partners were on good behaviour but over time their effort dissipated leaving the women frustrated. My female friends said why, when they work full time, should they take care of someone else who made no effort? They could re-focus their energy into looking after themselves.  It was a good point.

 

I recently met up with a wonderful friend who loves her partner dearly and was concerned because she thought she was about to have her third child and had to explain to her partner that if she had a third child she would need a cleaner or some kind of domestic help.

‘Why do you need that when the house is always clean and tidy?’ he asked.

Her response: ‘darling it is because I always fucking tidy it and look after the kids all day. It isn’t the fucking cleaning fairies darling’, said in a tone resembling aggravation.

He seemed completely unaware that his washing found itself into the drawer and the sheets were cleaned and changed because she had done the washing. I remember sitting listening to all these conversations and thinking thank goodness I have my own place, my own space and my own way.

 

I then chatted to a couple of my other male colleagues who did not get terribly involved in the original conversation, they admitted they liked doing the cooking and took turns cleaning the toilets because their wives worked too. They had decided when they entered the partnership that they were a team and as a team they had to split the chores. I have to say when they said this I wanted to cuddle them both. They then said to me honestly – ‘stay living on your own as long as possible because it is bliss.’ Both had lived alone for a couple of years before they settled down.  I asked why that was. Their reply was the following: ‘you can do what you want when you want. You don’t have to deal with habits. You have no one to argue with. You have a whole bed to yourself. You don’t have to ‘do’ things or consider what someone else wants you to do. There are no lists. There is half the amount of washing and you can leave sheets and cleaning as long as you like. All the mess is yours and you can cook and eat what and when you fancy… Oh and the biggest one: no morning breath or snoring. I could see all the benefits. However, the grass is always greener on the other side. My response was well what about a cuddle when you feel like it? What about affection on the sofa. What if you are being nuts and need an objective opinion rather than just churn thoughts? What about waking up next to someone you love? What about having your dinner cooked for you? As with all things there are pluses and minuses. However, of late, all the relationships that I have known have broken up because the women have had enough of looking after their partner or their partners have cheated on them. They say they would rather be alone than have to look after someone who either looks elsewhere or does not contribute. This made me wonder about the future of co-habiting. If women develop complete financial independence then what will happen? What happens when there is no need to live with someone? This made me realise that for me no-habiting is the way forwards. Two people have their own places, their own spaces and enjoy the fun of dating and romance without a dirty toilet to generate conflict.

You can find my books at the following link: Ruby Allure books on Audible:

http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-Dating-Game-Audiobook/B015G4ICYA/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-1

Come on admit it - as much as we deny it - we ladies like a good love hunt.

We have tick lists, ideals, and we hunt in high-heeled packs. Of course, we're all hunting for that elusive right man who ticks every box and even has tidy nostril hair. Okay maybe not you, but you know other ladies who love the hunt.

Well, it's time for Eva and Gracie to love hunt, and their "targets" are rich men - the golden sperm. Such exciting escapades would provide the pair with entertaining discussions during their dull office hours - or so they thought. What they did not anticipate was the discovery of the "booby man"; humorous but very hard truths about wealth, themselves, power; and the RichIdiot.com phenomenon.

The question remains: can love really be hunted?

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_7_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-7

The Love Hunt has returned. Gracie is back on the dating horse after a huge fall in her first tick-list-tastic love hunt.

Her new dating adventures take her and Eva into the depths of "the love game".

In the meantime, Eva, the ultimate Russian gold digger, has come to the conclusion that her poor "village idiot boyfriend" will never be enough. He will certainly not pay off her accumulating debts. She needs a rich man, and that means rich idiot dating.

In The Love Game, Eva and Gracie travel the journey of extreme love learning. On the way, they will discover their love and lust lists, their intrinsic issues, and experience some hilarious and jaw-dropping dates in pursuit of the wealthy ideal.

All of this in the pursuit of love.

The Love Hunt II is on!

 

The Joy of De-cluttering

The Joy of Decluttering!

For some the thought of throwing things away sends torment through the essence of their being. For me it is an absolute joy. It might seem weird that I love the feeling I get from throwing things away or giving them to charity. It just gives me  a sense of satisfaction and the feeling that I am ready for new.

I don't know about you but over time my cupboards mysteriously fill up with 'stuff'. That stuff I am convinced I am going to need at some point, not that I have actually remember owning it until I do the de-clutter. That is the point everything seems filled, over filled and not necessary. It just sits there in 'stuffness' being all stuffy.

So today is a de-clutter day. For those that follow me, I am in a phase of completion, in that I have completed 9 books in paperback, kindle and 7 are on audible. I am waiting for the 8th to be released on audible and then all that remains is just one children's book, who I have yet to find the right voice. I know they will turn up at some point, so that is nothing to even consider. So with all that in mind, there are a few things I like to do when I finish things. The first is buy my self a present and my gift for my hard work is a spa day. In addition to that, it is time to clear out to make way for the new. There is something so therapeutic about playing an audio book while you rummage and clear around a cupboard. I know... It is weird. We all have things we like doing and clearing out is one of those for me. The more space then the more potential.

To provide a little insight into my 'I don't need stuff' attitude: just over ten years ago I lived for months out of a suitcase because I worked on cruise ships. I did not have an actual home; instead I floated around the world seizing every opportunity for adventure. What's more I shared a cabin. There was no space for anything other than a suitcase, uniform and a few clothes. What was quite astounding is that you could sit on a toilet and shower simultaneously. That was how confined the space was. It was wonderful living a life with  so little and feeling so free. Anyway, after close to ten years I came back to land and the first thing that shocked me was how far away my bed was from the ceiling. The ship's bunk was tiny, if I sat up suddenly in the night then I would bruise my forehead. I then came to realise how quickly empty space filled up with 'stuff'. For some reason there is a level of unsettledness if a person has space in their home, so we fill it with furniture, vases or other random objects. Also I notice as soon as people have space in their cupboards they pop out and buy something to fill it.

The thing is all this stuff seems to 'snag' on my mentality. What's more, stuff takes time. Think about it and this freaked me out - my friend had over 100 pairs of knickers. Her reasoning was that she did not have to wash them so often. Yet 100 pairs of knickers takes up space and storage and time. I would rather have ten pairs and wash them regularly. The more stuff you have then the more it is either in the way, needing to be washed, moved or wiped. So I figured that the less stuff I have the more time I will have. To some there is no logic in that. So if I had for sets of cutlery I would wash it more regularly than waiting until I ran out of ten...

Anyway the main reason I de-clutter is that it is symbolic. Also while I do menial tasks I give my unconscious time to assemble the next writing works or project that I am to work on. As much as I like to get on with things, this time of cleaning and clearing is a mental process too. The more I clear the more mental space I have...  The less stuff I have snagging my attention then the more I can focus on creativity. The final reason that I do this is that I realised that I was happiest when I had the least. I also realised the happiest people need nothing. So by clearing out and only having what I need, well that is me being happy.

 Anyway, I thought I would share because I called my brother this evening and it turns out that he was doing the very same thing! Weird or just the time of year?

AUDIBLE LINK FOR A SHORT COURSE IN CREATIVE WRITING: http://amzn.com/B01390THLK

21/08/15

 

"An Unexpected Gem"

***I was provided a copy of this audio book for the purpose of a review ***

With the required disclaimer out of the way, let me be brutally honest, I had not expected this little gem. In fact, I had expected my listening would be a bit rough and was fortified by it being less than 2 hours.

The synopsis says the author wrote the book as a takeaway from her evening classes on creative writing. My mental context was ... Community Ed evening classes ...and expected a well intended but kind of amateur product. However, I am interested in adult education, and batter my own nerd head against a giant personal creativity brick wall.

So you have an idea of my mind set... low expectations along with high interest.

Amateur hour it was NOT.

I don't know where the author teaches her class, but Sign Me Up! And bring the narrator. Wow. Two hours of unadulterated, straight up, right on, good learning material delivered by a close friend just sharing the material. The narrator's voice was warm, sincere without any artifact or pompous patronising, and well modulated throughout. The material was mind opening for me, with the right mix of the mechanics of writing exercises, sufficient context that using prompts now makes sense to me, and a sprinkling of the inner heart work of creativity through written material.

This was just what I didn't dare hope for in a how to creative writing listen.

Truly an unexpected gem and a learning and growing experience for me.

A keeper and one I will return to many times as I deconstruct my own wall, one block at a time.

Thank You, Ruby and Thank You, Erin.

 

TO BUY MONEY FARM ON AMAZON.com http://amzn.com/B010F04W9O

· Frode

06/08/15

5 STAR

"M.O.N.E.Y. is bad? This book is not!"

So Money Farm by Ruby Allure was a surprise! When I REALLY did not read things about this book I review for Audiobook Blast, I sometimes get books I don't know something about. BTW: I read 99% about the books I want to review, but this book I can't remember I did that for. Anyways: This was a nice surprise, and I think it is one of those books that is better the second time you read it. No joke! I listen to this twice before I made this! Money Farm makes you thin, and who does not like to hear a book that makes you think? It is an awesome book, that I will recommend to all that likes audiobooks, and really to people that does not!

Helen Lloyd English accent its the topic like a glow and a hand! Her "lady like" voice is so cold, and clear I feel that the author made this book thinking that Helen Lloyd would read it out loud! That is how I feel those two fits together! The 2 times 14 hrs and 6 mins I spend with her never feels boring or uninteresting! I would love to spend it again, and I will because this book I will hear again, and again, even when it is 14 hrs and 6 mins long! That is saying something!

I was provided this audiobook at no charge by the author, publisher and/or narrator in exchange for an unbiased review via AudiobookBlast dot com

MONEY FARM

· "Incredibly thought provoking..."

What did you like most about Money Farm?

It was an eye opener.

 

What did you like best about this story?

I like the way it made you think about the way normal everyday life is here and now, and the future...

 

Have you listened to any of Helen Lloyd’s other performances? How does this one compare?

Helen Lloyd narrated this fairly long audiobook brilliantly. Although the story content was very intense and thought provoking, her lovely smooth voice was very easy to listen to and I thought it was just perfect, a fascinating book wonderfully narrated.

 

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes it was, although it is too long to do so.