Co-habiting versus No-habiting

Co-habiting versus No-habiting

Okay I might have to admit it: my mum was right! Imagine admitting that. She was right about a lot of things; however, the one really big right was having your own home and own space is bliss. You may wonder where this has come from, well today I was having a discussion with some of the chaps at work who were discussing why women want men to move in so fast. I listened to their assumptions and then heard them say: ‘well they like you being there. They love feeling safe and things get fixed.’ One of the men who has been in a long term relationship said, ‘oh I am glad I moved in because it is so nice to have your washing done and not have to clean the toilet. If you hold out long enough then they will always clean the toilet because you will never do it quick enough or to their liking.’

I sat quietly taking it all in.  Of course I made a few remarks about the ‘jobs list and nagging. They all muttered ‘ahhh jobs lists…’ they all were on the end of that little ditty. My favourite moment was when one chap even admitted to hoovering up his partner’s bra so that he did not have to do the vacuuming anymore.  I would say that was innovative; I would have accidentally nailed his pants to his shed to see how he liked that, but that is just me.

So then this made me wonder why people move in together. The general consensus among the chaps was that it was more cost efficient, that you share bills and be with each other without having to date. At that moment a huge ‘nah ahhhh’ came from my mouth. For these men moving in is the end of dating. The romance period and the woooooooing time simply evaporates.  So why would anyone want to move in fast? Surely the best part of dating is being on dates, getting to know each other rather than cleaning their dirty pants or skid marks. Also everything in our society is so fast paced, you have instant apps for instant relationships which result in instantly moving in. There is no time for the enjoyment or real maturing time for the foundation of a proper relationship. For a short while I resembled sucking a lemon while I contemplated the co-habiting no-habiting dynamic because a few of my friends have recently rid themselves of chaps for the very reason that their men did not contribute to house work or took the house being clean for granted. At first their partners were on good behaviour but over time their effort dissipated leaving the women frustrated. My female friends said why, when they work full time, should they take care of someone else who made no effort? They could re-focus their energy into looking after themselves.  It was a good point.

 

I recently met up with a wonderful friend who loves her partner dearly and was concerned because she thought she was about to have her third child and had to explain to her partner that if she had a third child she would need a cleaner or some kind of domestic help.

‘Why do you need that when the house is always clean and tidy?’ he asked.

Her response: ‘darling it is because I always fucking tidy it and look after the kids all day. It isn’t the fucking cleaning fairies darling’, said in a tone resembling aggravation.

He seemed completely unaware that his washing found itself into the drawer and the sheets were cleaned and changed because she had done the washing. I remember sitting listening to all these conversations and thinking thank goodness I have my own place, my own space and my own way.

 

I then chatted to a couple of my other male colleagues who did not get terribly involved in the original conversation, they admitted they liked doing the cooking and took turns cleaning the toilets because their wives worked too. They had decided when they entered the partnership that they were a team and as a team they had to split the chores. I have to say when they said this I wanted to cuddle them both. They then said to me honestly – ‘stay living on your own as long as possible because it is bliss.’ Both had lived alone for a couple of years before they settled down.  I asked why that was. Their reply was the following: ‘you can do what you want when you want. You don’t have to deal with habits. You have no one to argue with. You have a whole bed to yourself. You don’t have to ‘do’ things or consider what someone else wants you to do. There are no lists. There is half the amount of washing and you can leave sheets and cleaning as long as you like. All the mess is yours and you can cook and eat what and when you fancy… Oh and the biggest one: no morning breath or snoring. I could see all the benefits. However, the grass is always greener on the other side. My response was well what about a cuddle when you feel like it? What about affection on the sofa. What if you are being nuts and need an objective opinion rather than just churn thoughts? What about waking up next to someone you love? What about having your dinner cooked for you? As with all things there are pluses and minuses. However, of late, all the relationships that I have known have broken up because the women have had enough of looking after their partner or their partners have cheated on them. They say they would rather be alone than have to look after someone who either looks elsewhere or does not contribute. This made me wonder about the future of co-habiting. If women develop complete financial independence then what will happen? What happens when there is no need to live with someone? This made me realise that for me no-habiting is the way forwards. Two people have their own places, their own spaces and enjoy the fun of dating and romance without a dirty toilet to generate conflict.

You can find my books at the following link: Ruby Allure books on Audible:

http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-Dating-Game-Audiobook/B015G4ICYA/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-1

Come on admit it - as much as we deny it - we ladies like a good love hunt.

We have tick lists, ideals, and we hunt in high-heeled packs. Of course, we're all hunting for that elusive right man who ticks every box and even has tidy nostril hair. Okay maybe not you, but you know other ladies who love the hunt.

Well, it's time for Eva and Gracie to love hunt, and their "targets" are rich men - the golden sperm. Such exciting escapades would provide the pair with entertaining discussions during their dull office hours - or so they thought. What they did not anticipate was the discovery of the "booby man"; humorous but very hard truths about wealth, themselves, power; and the RichIdiot.com phenomenon.

The question remains: can love really be hunted?

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_7_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-7

The Love Hunt has returned. Gracie is back on the dating horse after a huge fall in her first tick-list-tastic love hunt.

Her new dating adventures take her and Eva into the depths of "the love game".

In the meantime, Eva, the ultimate Russian gold digger, has come to the conclusion that her poor "village idiot boyfriend" will never be enough. He will certainly not pay off her accumulating debts. She needs a rich man, and that means rich idiot dating.

In The Love Game, Eva and Gracie travel the journey of extreme love learning. On the way, they will discover their love and lust lists, their intrinsic issues, and experience some hilarious and jaw-dropping dates in pursuit of the wealthy ideal.

All of this in the pursuit of love.

The Love Hunt II is on!