How Dark Is Your Shadow?

How dark is your shadow? Well we all have a light side and a shadow side. If you think of the ying and the yang sign. That shadow side is the part of ourselves that we would rather not look at, the anger, the frustration and the special place where full-on tantrums are made. So the question is how dark is your shadow and why on earth would I even ask you such a question?

Well over the last month I have been entering 'the shadow lands' whilst writing my next book  Elora... (I mentioned the fairy book yesterday on my blog). The thing is the shadow landscape has proven a challenge for me. I found that writing all the baddy stuff was pretty tormenting. In fact it was so tormenting that I actually got stuck for a few weeks, where I literally could not progress. I went into a full state of avoidance because I did not want to go there or enter into the darkness / shadows.

After cleaning my apartment numerous times I had to face the fact I was avoiding the shadow aspect of myself. We all have this aspect and the shadowlands represent an individual's inner dark landscape This darkness is something that has fascinated me over the years. Especially when people reach a point in their lives where they discover 'The Dark Night of the Soul.' That time is when an individual fully enters into their own darkness and discovers all that they have avoided and all that they have been told is wrong in them. The thing is, this is my opinion, is that the person who shines brightest will be forced to face the depths of their darkness. Why? That light and darkness both draw energy. By resolving the darkness, empty energy is not feeding it anymore. That then frees up energy for an individual's full illumination. Have you noticed the people that really aggravate you usually do what you quite often do yourself? Have you also noticed when you are angry you meet more angry people and attract more angry situations? Have you noticed when you face and dissipate the anger then less aggravation comes your way? All of that is part of the shadow.

So this question how dark is your shadow is quite fascinating because it makes you question all that you suppress. Imagine stepping into a corridor that took you to a dark room where all the windows were closed. In that darkness all your fears, all your avoidances sit dormant. When you are in that darkness those fears have power. It is the darkness itself that makes them more powerful because you can't see them. So that room you are in has potential. You can avoid what is in the room and give it power or you can decide to shine light in the room and face what is in there. You don't have to keep the windows shuttered, instead you can open the shutters and shine light on what is in the room. It is fascinating what you will find inside. The tiny little spider (what you feared) was casting a huge shadow. The anger, that you were hiding, was not so bad once you processed it. That fear of intimacy was simply triggered from a long time ago and when rationalised meant you could have happy relationships. There are so many fragments of self lurking in the shadow lands that when you write creatively, you often enter into these lands and discover some huge inner monsters. Those monsters are equivalent of dragons to be slain  or better recognised and transformed and accepted. I will be honest with you all - writing shadows is not that pleasant; however, it enables you to process some nasty stuff from a removed state. It enables you catharsis. So why not try writing about a deep fear from a different character's perspective and in doing so you may have opportunity for catharsis.  The more you face your shadow then the darkness decreases.

Enjoy audio books at the following link:

http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/A-Short-Course-In-Creative-Writing-Audiobook/B012OVUKE8/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1471531270&sr=1-1#customer-reviews

Co-habiting versus No-habiting

Co-habiting versus No-habiting

Okay I might have to admit it: my mum was right! Imagine admitting that. She was right about a lot of things; however, the one really big right was having your own home and own space is bliss. You may wonder where this has come from, well today I was having a discussion with some of the chaps at work who were discussing why women want men to move in so fast. I listened to their assumptions and then heard them say: ‘well they like you being there. They love feeling safe and things get fixed.’ One of the men who has been in a long term relationship said, ‘oh I am glad I moved in because it is so nice to have your washing done and not have to clean the toilet. If you hold out long enough then they will always clean the toilet because you will never do it quick enough or to their liking.’

I sat quietly taking it all in.  Of course I made a few remarks about the ‘jobs list and nagging. They all muttered ‘ahhh jobs lists…’ they all were on the end of that little ditty. My favourite moment was when one chap even admitted to hoovering up his partner’s bra so that he did not have to do the vacuuming anymore.  I would say that was innovative; I would have accidentally nailed his pants to his shed to see how he liked that, but that is just me.

So then this made me wonder why people move in together. The general consensus among the chaps was that it was more cost efficient, that you share bills and be with each other without having to date. At that moment a huge ‘nah ahhhh’ came from my mouth. For these men moving in is the end of dating. The romance period and the woooooooing time simply evaporates.  So why would anyone want to move in fast? Surely the best part of dating is being on dates, getting to know each other rather than cleaning their dirty pants or skid marks. Also everything in our society is so fast paced, you have instant apps for instant relationships which result in instantly moving in. There is no time for the enjoyment or real maturing time for the foundation of a proper relationship. For a short while I resembled sucking a lemon while I contemplated the co-habiting no-habiting dynamic because a few of my friends have recently rid themselves of chaps for the very reason that their men did not contribute to house work or took the house being clean for granted. At first their partners were on good behaviour but over time their effort dissipated leaving the women frustrated. My female friends said why, when they work full time, should they take care of someone else who made no effort? They could re-focus their energy into looking after themselves.  It was a good point.

 

I recently met up with a wonderful friend who loves her partner dearly and was concerned because she thought she was about to have her third child and had to explain to her partner that if she had a third child she would need a cleaner or some kind of domestic help.

‘Why do you need that when the house is always clean and tidy?’ he asked.

Her response: ‘darling it is because I always fucking tidy it and look after the kids all day. It isn’t the fucking cleaning fairies darling’, said in a tone resembling aggravation.

He seemed completely unaware that his washing found itself into the drawer and the sheets were cleaned and changed because she had done the washing. I remember sitting listening to all these conversations and thinking thank goodness I have my own place, my own space and my own way.

 

I then chatted to a couple of my other male colleagues who did not get terribly involved in the original conversation, they admitted they liked doing the cooking and took turns cleaning the toilets because their wives worked too. They had decided when they entered the partnership that they were a team and as a team they had to split the chores. I have to say when they said this I wanted to cuddle them both. They then said to me honestly – ‘stay living on your own as long as possible because it is bliss.’ Both had lived alone for a couple of years before they settled down.  I asked why that was. Their reply was the following: ‘you can do what you want when you want. You don’t have to deal with habits. You have no one to argue with. You have a whole bed to yourself. You don’t have to ‘do’ things or consider what someone else wants you to do. There are no lists. There is half the amount of washing and you can leave sheets and cleaning as long as you like. All the mess is yours and you can cook and eat what and when you fancy… Oh and the biggest one: no morning breath or snoring. I could see all the benefits. However, the grass is always greener on the other side. My response was well what about a cuddle when you feel like it? What about affection on the sofa. What if you are being nuts and need an objective opinion rather than just churn thoughts? What about waking up next to someone you love? What about having your dinner cooked for you? As with all things there are pluses and minuses. However, of late, all the relationships that I have known have broken up because the women have had enough of looking after their partner or their partners have cheated on them. They say they would rather be alone than have to look after someone who either looks elsewhere or does not contribute. This made me wonder about the future of co-habiting. If women develop complete financial independence then what will happen? What happens when there is no need to live with someone? This made me realise that for me no-habiting is the way forwards. Two people have their own places, their own spaces and enjoy the fun of dating and romance without a dirty toilet to generate conflict.

You can find my books at the following link: Ruby Allure books on Audible:

http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-Dating-Game-Audiobook/B015G4ICYA/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-1

Come on admit it - as much as we deny it - we ladies like a good love hunt.

We have tick lists, ideals, and we hunt in high-heeled packs. Of course, we're all hunting for that elusive right man who ticks every box and even has tidy nostril hair. Okay maybe not you, but you know other ladies who love the hunt.

Well, it's time for Eva and Gracie to love hunt, and their "targets" are rich men - the golden sperm. Such exciting escapades would provide the pair with entertaining discussions during their dull office hours - or so they thought. What they did not anticipate was the discovery of the "booby man"; humorous but very hard truths about wealth, themselves, power; and the RichIdiot.com phenomenon.

The question remains: can love really be hunted?

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_7_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-7

The Love Hunt has returned. Gracie is back on the dating horse after a huge fall in her first tick-list-tastic love hunt.

Her new dating adventures take her and Eva into the depths of "the love game".

In the meantime, Eva, the ultimate Russian gold digger, has come to the conclusion that her poor "village idiot boyfriend" will never be enough. He will certainly not pay off her accumulating debts. She needs a rich man, and that means rich idiot dating.

In The Love Game, Eva and Gracie travel the journey of extreme love learning. On the way, they will discover their love and lust lists, their intrinsic issues, and experience some hilarious and jaw-dropping dates in pursuit of the wealthy ideal.

All of this in the pursuit of love.

The Love Hunt II is on!