The Art of Dealing with Criticism

The Art of Dealing with Criticism

 

Can you think of a single person who likes to be criticised?. Has anyone in the past wandered up to you and said please criticise me? This week I have been thinking a lot about criticism and people's perspectives because I had some work provided with 'constructive feedback.'

 

Just to give you an insight of what initiated these thoughts, within my corporate social media and business work, I often produce presentations. I am always trying to progress and make them more and more interesting. Quite often I push boundaries. Of late I have been using a program called Videoscribe to produce small films to illustrate themes like Rewards and Recognition and promote the Social Media within the corporate environment. For those who work in business or in a corporation; I am sure you know that the main way of communication is through email or making very straight-line Powerpoint presentations. Nothing jumps out at you and the header should be another 'boring email that talks at me.' This is why I lead a communications team because I don't do boring.

 

So this week I made two presentations that were used on a Global scale and my Managing Director came up to me and said "I saw your films. They were very clever but I would not have done it like that." So that was the line... that made me travel on the journey of criticism and how people pass comment on others. I realised that most people's response to criticism is to become defensive. The second is to respond with a snarky comment and the third is to desire to punch them in the balls or smack a female version around the head with a handbag (in your mind of course!) The thing is sometimes people believe they are being helpful. There have been times when a comment has shown me something I missed. So not all criticism is bad. Sometime it is more how you deal with it.

 

 

So with this in mind I came up with the following on how to deal with criticism.

 

The biggest thing is to not take whatever is said personally. People make comments based on themselves. Sometimes they don't even realise they are criticising. What is interesting is so many people believe you care about their opinion. Remember it is just an opinion. Also use the comment to evaluate whether something can be done better to improve your project or whatever is being commented on.

 

So here are a few responses:

 

Response: Thank you for your insight. How would you do it? Oh have you done it like that before and did it get a good response? (This is not to be said with a tone of sarcasm, no matter how tempting).

 

Thank you for your opinion. What did you feel that worked and what needs to be adapted?

 

If you are not bothered by people's approval simply say 'thanks for your input.'

 

Or if you are a bit of a git then simply say 'I would love to see how you would do it and see the final piece.' I write this because the person concerned does not deliver and is just a talker. There are plenty of those in life.

 

This subject then made me think that there must be benefits to criticism... Why else would people do it? In my opinion it is a power dynamic. People criticise to 'steal your fire.' The thing is when you have established self-esteem you look at them and in your head you think 'I couldn't give a sh** what you think.

 

So the benefits of criticism are as follows:

 

The Benefits of Criticism

Personal Growth:

1. Are there any seeds of truth that can be worked on? If there are how can you use this to enable you to grow?

2. Is there a new perspective that you can use? You can expand, evaluate and evolve your thinking?

3. Take the opportunity to hear. Again Criticism gives you a chance to listen effectively to determine what someone actually means.

4. You have the chance to see the world through a critics' eyes. If they are criticising you then what must be going on inside their heads at themselves?

5. When critics hit a sensitive spot then it is an opportunity explore unresolved issues. Why else would you  be triggered into a reaction? If you were resolved within your self then would just smile and say thanks.

6.Criticism enables you to choose peace over conflict. You have a choice - create a drama or let it go.

7. Do you have people-pleasing tendencies? Criticism and your response will highlight whether you desire to please others. Ask yourself why you need to please? Also criticism enables you to define boundaries and teach people how you want to be treated. 

 

8. Learn to be criticised and move on quickly. It the same as fail quickly and move to success. 

You can learn to be time efficient and stop wasting mental energy on being criticisied.

If you have the right state of mind criticism enables you to progress, learn how you feel and whether you wish to be around the critic. We all have inner critics and sometimes criticism reveals something you already knew. Wouldn't it be worse if everyone said something was brilliant and there was an obvious flaw that you had not seen and no one had the balls to tell you? The critical enemy can be your best friend!

AUDIBLE LINK FOR A SHORT COURSE IN CREATIVE WRITING: http://amzn.com/B01390THLK

21/08/15

 

"An Unexpected Gem"

***I was provided a copy of this audio book for the purpose of a review ***

With the required disclaimer out of the way, let me be brutally honest, I had not expected this little gem. In fact, I had expected my listening would be a bit rough and was fortified by it being less than 2 hours.

The synopsis says the author wrote the book as a takeaway from her evening classes on creative writing. My mental context was ... Community Ed evening classes ...and expected a well intended but kind of amateur product. However, I am interested in adult education, and batter my own nerd head against a giant personal creativity brick wall.

So you have an idea of my mind set... low expectations along with high interest.

Amateur hour it was NOT.

I don't know where the author teaches her class, but Sign Me Up! And bring the narrator. Wow. Two hours of unadulterated, straight up, right on, good learning material delivered by a close friend just sharing the material. The narrator's voice was warm, sincere without any artifact or pompous patronising, and well modulated throughout. The material was mind opening for me, with the right mix of the mechanics of writing exercises, sufficient context that using prompts now makes sense to me, and a sprinkling of the inner heart work of creativity through written material.

This was just what I didn't dare hope for in a how to creative writing listen.

Truly an unexpected gem and a learning and growing experience for me.

A keeper and one I will return to many times as I deconstruct my own wall, one block at a time.

Thank You, Ruby and Thank You, Erin.

 

TO BUY MONEY FARM ON AMAZON.com http://amzn.com/B010F04W9O

· Frode

06/08/15

5 STAR

"M.O.N.E.Y. is bad? This book is not!"

So Money Farm by Ruby Allure was a surprise! When I REALLY did not read things about this book I review for Audiobook Blast, I sometimes get books I don't know something about. BTW: I read 99% about the books I want to review, but this book I can't remember I did that for. Anyways: This was a nice surprise, and I think it is one of those books that is better the second time you read it. No joke! I listen to this twice before I made this! Money Farm makes you thin, and who does not like to hear a book that makes you think? It is an awesome book, that I will recommend to all that likes audiobooks, and really to people that does not!

Helen Lloyd English accent its the topic like a glow and a hand! Her "lady like" voice is so cold, and clear I feel that the author made this book thinking that Helen Lloyd would read it out loud! That is how I feel those two fits together! The 2 times 14 hrs and 6 mins I spend with her never feels boring or uninteresting! I would love to spend it again, and I will because this book I will hear again, and again, even when it is 14 hrs and 6 mins long! That is saying something!

I was provided this audiobook at no charge by the author, publisher and/or narrator in exchange for an unbiased review via AudiobookBlast dot com

MONEY FARM

· "Incredibly thought provoking..."

What did you like most about Money Farm?

It was an eye opener.

 

What did you like best about this story?

I like the way it made you think about the way normal everyday life is here and now, and the future...

 

Have you listened to any of Helen Lloyd’s other performances? How does this one compare?

Helen Lloyd narrated this fairly long audiobook brilliantly. Although the story content was very intense and thought provoking, her lovely smooth voice was very easy to listen to and I thought it was just perfect, a fascinating book wonderfully narrated.

 

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes it was, although it is too long to do so.

 

The Reality of Being an Author

The Reality of Being an Author

For some reason when people find out you are an author they have belief that you can waft around thinking of literary prose. The have images of cafes, days just dreaming and literary events with horsey-style laughter. In truth, I don't know many authors who have this luxury. In fact, most of the authors I know, who make money and are having films produced, still work. The image painted in films is remote beaches, romantic views and international jet-setting. Nope, and I don't want to disappoint, but the reality is usually a full time job, often in an unrelated subject, so that there is mental space for writing.

 

Let me give you some examples, my friend who is having a film produced of her book, by day works in a care home. The shifts enable her to attend literary meetings. She has an internationally renowned agent but can still be found bathing old people in their beds and you know what? She loves being able to care for others. Another friend of mine, who also writes and earns money from her book sales, works full time as an English teacher. So much of her inspiration comes from her students and what they say.

One author, who was catapulted into stardom overnight, maintained her job working in a bookshop because she loved working with books. She also said that she was going to remain humble and monitor her sales. The first book sold more than fifty thousand copies but her royalty was around fifty pence per book. That is only a basic wage for one year. It was a 'nice to have' in addition to her income and she was glad that she kept her job. Finally, another author I know works as a lawyer, her relaxation time is writing because she gets to dream.

It seems everyone has this idea that you write a book and are catapulted to wealth and stardom. For a few that happens; however, I was discussing an author, who was at the top of his field with my brother. It turned out that the author accidentally let it slip that he worked as a decorator to supplement his income. It seems that people prefer the ideal rather than the image of their favourite author painting a wall.

The years that I spent teaching creative writing evening classes revealed the aspirations and illusions so many people have. Numerous fresh students professed that they desired to be the next J.K. Rowling and that was their reason for learning to write. You never want to smash peoples dreams; however,  if that is the one and only motivation to write then there is a very long and arduous journey ahead.

I am not saying that it isn't possible to become a full time author; and I do know one author who earns their living purely through being an author. He gave up his job when he reached one million sales. He is signed with a publisher and releases a book a year. He has over ten books on the market. He said that once he had made a million sales and had a three year reserve in the bank he would then write full time. So it is possible, yet what you might not realise is your work place is the perfect place to observe characters, understand human dynamics and listen to people's stories. My advice is if you want to be an author live, work and gain inspiration. In the meantime, set yourself a goal: say three years income in your bank before jumping into the financially unknown.

NEW!!!!  RUBY WRITES BOOKS - LINKS TO AUDIBLE FREE TRIALS :)

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Why we need rewards and recognition

Rewards and recognition

 

Would an Olympic athlete compete if they did not win a medal? Imagine all those gruelling hours of training to compete and then… what? How about more hours of training to compete again? The concept of reward for effort is fascinating because it essentially comes down to motivation and why anyone chooses to do anything.

 

 

When you consider motivation the question becomes what really motivates a person? What will keep them hungry and passionate to grow and excel? Numerous studies have revealed that individuals who are rewarded and recognised for going above and beyond are more productive and feel more fulfilled. What’s more, they wish to contribute to an organisation in a more meaningful way. Isn’t that motivation in itself?

 

 

The simplicity of a company-wide email acknowledgment or an announcement in a meeting goes a long way. It makes constant focus and effective work completion worth all that consistent effort. If you add a personal call or the expression of appreciation in person then you will amazed by how much motivational energy is generated. Providing a lunch/dinner/outing for those individuals or teams who have achieved has a huge impact on morale. When an individual genuinely feels that management recognize their contributions to the organization and that they are valuable members of a team working towards a goal then the company they work for feels more than just a place to work.

 

 

The truth is most of us do things to achieve recognition; however, recognising others is just as rewarding! So how are you going to recognise another persons' efforts?

LINK TO MONEY FARM ON AUDIBLE.COM

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Money-Farm-Audiobook/B010BOM9A8/ref=a_search_c4_1_3_srTtl?qid=1442261913&sr=1-3

 

"Smartly Written, Thought Provoking Read!"

Narration - Helen Lloyd - Kick A$$!
Really Great Narration - Brits and Aussies and Germans and more. Lovely voice to listen to and she even captured the rather robotic nature of the cult-like members of the Money Farm.

This is a really terrific book - and is it bad that for the majority of the book I was thinking "sign me up!" (or at least sign up one of my grand-kids and let me move into one of the retirement neighborhoods).

The Money's are all 'their best selves' due to the nutrition and fitness requirements along with a few other treatments along the way which are tailored to each individual and allow them to reach their full potential. All their needs are met, they have no debts, no worries, they are appreciated and they all live in really nice digs. (like I said...sign me up!)

It's a smartly written and thought provoking book of a Dystopian/Eutopian society where our heroine Jyllian finds her-self jobless with her savings running out. She ends up being selected to join the M.O.N.E.Y.'s as a "breaker" because of her intelligent & rebellious way of thinking. She is to challenge their systems and find ways to break them, all in the name of making them better.

The story follows her and a few other select characters through their introduction to Money, their training, their indoctrination and ultimately through their discovery of what Money's goals really are.

I can't really say much more without giving away too much, but I thought it was a really terrific book. It was hard for me to 'get into it' in the beginning, but I plan to listen to the start again.

It's smartly written and filled with intricate details about these two "worlds". Really an interesting book about the state of the worlds finances! Loved it! I'm actually stunned that I'm only the second review of this book on Goodreads. READ or LISTEN to it! It's a keeper!

 

CHAPTER 5 - A Short Course In Creative Writing

A Short Course In Creative Writing

 

CHAPTER 5

The Triad of Change

The triad is a technique that can be applied to how we work with creative writing.

This is a model that enables you to find your ‘easy way’ to write because we don’t all work in the same way. It will enable you to ascertain your best approach for creative writing and how to build your books.

Finding an easy way to create stops the struggle and makes the creative process enjoyable.

There are two ways to live life:

·         The hard way – where it will always be painful.

·         The easy way – where effort turns into progress.

Think of a time where you have triumphed with writing or any goal in life. Now consider how you approached this goal and what made you determined. To succeed you must have used a success strategy – one that worked for you. It was the way in which you approached the situation that produced a desired outcome. Progress comes from using the correct strategy.

COMPONENTS

Perception

When we think about an idea, until we have it clear in our heads, we use perception as a strategy. Using the car analogy, a person thinks about the destination, the journey and imagines it all without actually going on the journey or stepping into the car. The journey is simply an idea.

Perception is a point of view or an opinion to make change. Those with perception need to understand why something is important to bring it into reality. To make the idea real take the perceived story into vision or meditation and holding the image in your mind imagine it written on paper, that way the outcome you intend to produce will be effective.

In terms of writing, this approach is originating the idea in your head and imagining the whole picture. I would describe this as a series of clouds gathering to generate a writing storm! Once the storm is built, make the thunder and lightning manifest in reality. Often the perceptive types get very caught up in the dream and then the next dream because it is so much fun imagining. The challenge is for the perceptive sorts to action what they imagine. So they have to have bursts of writing to get the ideas onto paper. This is why you need to determine why your project is important to make real.

Structure

When we take the pieces of what we intend to do and build a framework we are using structure. We assemble the ‘building blocks’ of what we wish to create and then know our order and fill out the details. This approach is structural and quite often appears in lists or flow diagrams. In terms of going on a journey in a car, this person details every part of the route and lists precisely the turnings and points of interest before commencing the journey.

Structure contains supports and organizes the existence of something or gives something existence. It organises time and space. It can also be a financial plan, a map, a list, a policy or a fitness regime.

In terms of creative writing – the author will organise their book and create an order. They will then fit the story to that order. The best way for this type to write is daily and with discipline. If they have an allotted time and routine then they will happily write regularly until they complete their masterpiece. When their time is structured the writing becomes easy.

Behaviour

Sometimes people just get on with what they need to do – they just do it. This is the behaviour strategy. As they work through what they are doing they simply add, adjust or re-order until it is complete. Once their project is complete they get on with it and re-order it. It would be the same as climbing in a car and simply driving without knowing the route or the destination.

Behaviour is action taken to effect change or create. This may involve physical effort or movement, involve an energy or an action that takes you into something new. The repeated behaviour drives you towards your goal.

In terms of writing, this behaviour is simply about the act of writing. You simply write and then build the parts you have written into a structure afterwards. These people aren’t willing to sit around talking or thinking or ordering… they will just get on with it and finish it and then get on with the next one.

Questions to ask your writing self:

What comes most easily to you?

Structure, behaviour or perception? What technique has resulted in success in the past? Which style has caused you to miss out? What way do you find easiest to write?  If you are thinking about this for a while you are probably perception based. The behavioural person would have just started writing or skipped through the chapters and the structure will be mapping how they best worked previously and probably finding evidence.

·         The truth is when you are in a state of creativity you connect to something deeper within yourself. You can label this however you like.

Consider what society has taught us-to push against that which does not work and to improve our weakness – why? In my opinion why focus on your weaknesses when you can use your strength? If you have an easy way to achieve something then use it. There is far too much energy wasted on that which does not work. Essentially what does not work does not matter. Also if you feel you are constantly battling then you will find procrastination increases. The whole point of creative writing is to enjoy it and not struggle.

THE KICKER: Often what you think you are good at is sometimes your weakness.

 

Strengths and How to Use Them

LEADING WITH BEHAVIOUR

·         Get on and do it

·         Take action now

·         Get right on with it – start working on a project-no waiting around. Waiting and thinking makes you feel at a loss

·         Jump in – think later – impulsive…

·         Once you have the picture – make the plan.

For you to feel better change what you are doing, get started or do an exercise – it will inspire. Just do something different.

BEHAVIOUR PEOPLE take immediate action. If something is not working then change what you are doing. Your motto is ‘Just do it.’ When you need to think or find a new way do something physical right where you are.

When overwhelmed with too much to do then make a list and cross off.

Get started on anything.

Sometimes to feel alive you just need to do something different – anything.

For progress in place of pain – stop-ask what is going on and what do you need to ‘do?’

LEADING WITH STRUCTURE:

·         This is the framework.

·         Need to get things in order.

·         Clean and organise.

·         The picture is lost unless the steps are there.

·         Putting things in order is helpful.

·         Ready, fire, aim. This is how the structure person works – they need to know how it is built rather than just do it. They need the elements to build.

·         Plan it – even if the plan changes. The enjoyment can be in re-arranging the plan.

NOTE: When things are not going your way, stop and do something that physically changes structure, like re-arrange something. Touch your toes. Re-organise. Get out of the building or room. Make a plan to solve something. Take apart an object and re-arrange it. Change a plan. It can be simple but it has to be located in a time and space. Make a schedule and slot things into an agenda. How will I prioritise things to get them done in time?

LEADING WITH PERCEPTION:

The perception person:

·         Needs a picture – why does this need to happen?

·         There needs to be a meaning to enable action to be taken

·         To progress it is best that you visualise, feel or talk about an objective

·         Perspective guides your actions and plans

·         Questions – what am I happy about? What sucks?

·         If I can imagine… then I can make it real

NOTE: Know what you want or where you want to be… Visualise it and get it clear in your head. Know your why and then make it happen. This applies to change too.

THE BIG QUESTIONS:

This triad can be applied to more than just writing. If you are interested in how to use this triad to make change then try the following as a writing exercise:

Remind yourself – what are the four things (in one sentence) that you need to do to change a situation.

What four things do you need to bring to your writing to make you feel good?

Attitude and the way we look at things makes a huge difference in one’s life.

Questions to ask to help you organise yourself to realise which is easier:

What behaviours work for me?

What is it that makes me feel good?

What is it that I can structure?

What do I like structuring?

How do I structure?

What perception works?

What do I need to imagine?

How do I imagine this will feel when I complete this work and what does it look like?

How can I use my lead strategy?

LINK TO SOUNDCLOUD

https://soundcloud.com/ruby-allure/creativewriting-edit-99-retail-sample-mastered

 

 

LINK TO BUY ON AUDIBLE:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/A-Short-Course-In-Creative-Writing-Audiobook/B012OVUKE8/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1443260320&sr=1-1

 

LINK TO PAPERBACK ON AMAZON.COM

A Short Course in Creative Writing
by Ms Ruby Allure
Link: http://amzn.com/1517234832