Can the good guy get the girl?

Lately I have met some absolutely lovely men. Really caring, great fun, of average looks and really nice. So... Yep you guessed it - they are single. Why are they single? Really why are they single? In their opinion, they are just too nice. They get walked over and they are just not a challenge. Could this actually be true? Does a woman want a nice guy or is she too busy attracting dicks or chasing knob-tastic nit-wits?

For a few days I thought about this conundrum. It then occurred to me - were the nice guys demonstrating their masculinity? Could a guy be nice and manly? The answer is yes - I had to take a walk around my office complex to determine that there were plenty. So that then lead me to the question: has something gone wrong in society where arsehole equals a real man? Does the more a man dip his dickie doughnut make him more masculine and desirable? Unfortunately there is something in that - the more a man plays women, the more women seem to want him. It is alpha-malism and the desire for a woman to try and tame him. To be honest I just don't get it. I find men who are 'easy' uninteresting. Funnily enough all men have dicks - not a surprise - so I am stimulated by the beauty of the brain and the personality - not what just lurks in their hot dog hammocks.

Back on track from the sausage deviation - in all the films - the good guy gets the girl. So what about the reality? What does a good guy have to do to get the right girl? I know I am an idealist - I wish there were great rewards for lovely men who remain gentleman and treat others with respect... My God is it too much to ask?

Again, I took this concept away and thought about it. I thought of all the great men I work with who won women over. I thought of all those in beautiful and loving relationships I knew and you know what? Every female I know who has a wonderful relationship is with a good and nice guy. They may have dated complete imbeciles; however, something shifted and the girl recognised the beautiful qualities of the 'good guy'.

Soooooooooooooo.... I thought I would ask what it was that turned them to the nice guy. Here is the answer: there is only so much shit you can take from an arsehole. You can attract them over and over again. Then one day you think - what am I doing? It is then that the nice guy shines. He treats the woman well (please note for the nice guys reading this - it will take patience. If a woman has been out with endless wombats then it will be alien for her to be treated well at first). He buys her flowers and he completely loves her. She feels loved and cared for. The only thing that will drive her away is neediness. If you nice guys out there manage to give this lady a little space and keep your desperation directed at hobbies then you will win the woman over in the end. There is nothing more repulsive that desperation combined with body odour. Well there are a few things - but I can leave that to your imagination. Anyway with all this in mind - those good guys out there - keep going. Make friends with the woman first, get to know her and then slowly make your feelings known.

For all those women dating wombats and complete arseholes - stop. Give a good guy a try. It will change your world. Why keep chasing people who aren't going to treat you well?

Anyway - good luck to you all and feel good enough inside to be with the woman / man you deserve:)
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At what point does a woman become a COUGAR?

At what point does a woman become a cougar?

Could it be possible that one morning a woman wakes up and thinks that is it! I am fed up of playing by the rules and listening to tales of woe of marriage break ups, unfair splitting of property and how an ex-wife let herself go and thinks I want a man with no baggage? In that moment she has a choice – go for a monk or go for a man who has not been through that emotional carnage. Where are these men? There are bachelors or there is the younger man.

You may wonder where this thought originated from. Well, this weekend it was a friend’s birthday where he reserved a booth in one of the trendy night-clubs. Ten years ago this would have been nothing unusual; however, I am more a go out for dinner and drinks kind of woman now. The club was an elaborately decorated, filled with all manner of beauty, high heels and clothing that revealed more flesh than a butcher. Amongst this celebration of fleshy female expression inebriated young men looked but did not take action. It was during some rather expressive dancing on my part that I ended up chatting to a rather lovely young chap who thought my uncaring expressiveness was a phenomenon. I can see his point because everyone else was too busy taking photographs of themselves for social media and trying to appear to have a good time. Those who were dancing appeared rather self-conscious and as though their arms had been taped down. My attitude is live the moment and have as much fun as you can without care! Anyway as I shimmied and took great pleasure in the erratic forms that my body could create to the music, he asked me where I had learned to dance like it. He said you remind me of a proper raver. Ooops busted, no amount of face cream, or healthy diet and extreme fitness could disguise that I had experienced the first wave of rave. I looked him in the eye and admitted – I was on the dance floor at the time. There was a moment of silence while he calculated. His face travelled through all manner of contortions. Finally he said, ‘amazing! You are cougar!’ It was as if I had raised my status in a second to an older woman who hunts young men. The irony was that I was only dancing, he approached me and I certainly had not attempted to seduce him.

The rest of the night I chatted to a variety of people, please note I was absolutely sober, and it dawned on me that this era is relatively a lonely one. The room was filled with people all appearing and not really talking to each other. In that moment I realised that the world is open to cougardom, if you are that way inclined, because when you reach a certain age, you stop caring what people think about you. I actually reached it in my mid-twenties; however, the advantage is that when you know who you are and are able to chat to people, it opens the world of possibility. In truth so many people are happy that someone talked to them and young men seem particularly pleased when a fit woman with something to say flirts.

I had never really considered the art of being a cougar before. I was of the belief that people naturally gravitate to each other according to how their subtle unconscious signals ‘call’ each other rather than age defined parameters. Obviously there is that and opportunism when the world of alcohol creates cocktail glasses or beer goggles so people are unable to gauge age or anything else. I then reflected on all the men who chase younger models, well why can’t women do the same? Why is it so frowned upon and labelled? If you think about it men have their sexual peak in their early twenties and women in their mid-thirties. Surely that is not an accident. I do wonder about our society and all the rules. Also I wonder at what point the label cougar arrives? Is it five years, ten years or fifteen years? Who cares really – live your life and recognise young men have their benefits!  So maybe that woman who wakes up that morning and things f* it – I want a younger man is simply doing what is natural.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00ATF8QF2

Back in the blogging game

Sometimes an author has to step out of the battle for blog attention for a when working on their books. It is very easy to spread yourself too thin and the priority is writing that book until it is complete. I find that the social media phenomenon can become a distraction if one does not structure their time specifically. When it comes to writing books, one must actually write.

However, there is more than writing to be considered. Obviously we all have ideas that is the easy part for me. Once the idea is ready to be mentally birthed, one has to focus and write and write until the draft is complete. We then have months of editing and re-editing. On top of that you have to step away and make space to see with fresh eyes. Once the book is published the part that is challenging for most authors comes about - that is the marketing...

Since the digital promotion space is in a constant state of flux, it isn't just repeating what has been done before - instead you have to adapt and find new ways. You need to find a unique way to let the world know your literary babies exist... Then the question becomes why do we do this?

It is our passion and passion drives us to contribute to the world and leave a legacy:)

The universe and the inter-galactic lunatic asylum!

The universe and the inter-galactic lunatic asylum!

We all need a little inspiration to remind us that the mundane can be beautiful. Today as I watched the heavens wring out a giant sponge I realised that life itself is hilarious.  Consider this – we are born with no memory. Everything we do from that moment is a case of ‘figure it out’. We learn from those around us, who in all honesty, could be very wrong. They have also learned how to be from those who were around them when they were small. Is it any wonder we live in a mixed up world? The original learning came from where - a monkey or a single celled animal?

So here we are in our advanced states, professing genius or appearing to be something, when in actual fact our learned behaviour came from pond life. I witness Pond life on a daily basis in the bad lands of Boscombe, but who can blame them? Our behaviours are learned survival techniques and our desire for safety/ conformity within the tribe.

On the usual trek home from work I talked to my father about all manner of things but unexpectedly he said he had figured life out – it came to him when he was in bed.

“Some people view earth as heaven.

Others view earth as hell.

A few consider this place a middle earth

But I know what this place is – the inter-galactic lunatic asylum.

We have our minds wiped so that we do not know this.”

His words are always wise and I pondered for a short while and considered whether there was such a possibility. I considered whether our bodies may well be prisons but after a stampede of wilder beast thoughts, I came to the conclusion that this life is what we choose to make of it. Our lives are a manifestation of our thoughts. We can choose how we react and if we manage to generate the right thoughts then we will in fact manifest  the lives we desire. The first step is always belief accompanied by the initial desire. It is then the actions we choose to take followed by our choice of how to react. Once we know this – everything is possible! Have fun creating!

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Keeping it real with a fake moustache!

I am very much a believer in life revealing your necessary learning if only you pay attention. Over the last few weeks real people, egos and keeping things real caught my attention.

A number of years ago I worked in a book store. The plan was to work there, have my books in stock and then dominate the world... As you do. Obviously that was rather ego driven. I recognise that now.

During my time in that book store we had numerous book signings from famous authors, aspiring authors and non-descript authors. I found it interesting to observe how each acted with the public and their fans. Some were lovely and humble while others basically disappeared up their own posteriors. The worst were those with huge egos who treated booksellers with complete disrespect. I learned so much during this time and became rather amused by how unaware of themselves many were. After intensive author observation, I decided that I did not really feel the need to know the author. I would rather read the story and enjoy the fact the author was a creative channel. With all this in mind, I came to the conclusion that I did not wish to be seen. I respect my readers, yet had no desire to flit around like a diva or disappear publically up my own posterior... Boring!

This week showed me a new perspective because I met an Olympic athlete through rowing. I noticed how she interacted with the public. She was feminine, humble and kind. In fact, she demonstrated how a public figure could respond to people with humility. My whole attitude before was to adopt a disguise using a giant fake moustache. In essence I had no desire to be seen with or without a fake moustache. Of course such a vision could evoke moustachio mania but that is not the point. The point is my perspective changed and that is thanks to someone who had the courage to be authentic and real in a public space. She was a positive role model and brave enough to be herself. So thank you Helen! You provided me with a wonderful insight into how someone could conduct themselves in public. Also thank you for discussing the issue of rower's bottom and the virtues of posterial massage.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B008Y600X4

Why do people have to know about the Author?

So why is it that people need to know about the author? I have no clue - I just like reading the writing and having an insight into a person's mind. It is like stepping into someone else's house and having a look around. I find it fascinating - the thing is I am not terribly interested in the person, just what they create. The reason for this is because the act of creation for me is an individual uniting with their unconscious and constructing a non-reality and making it reality in words. A beautiful process, quite divine really. That is why I love the written word, creativity and inspiration.

Of course it seems that not many people view the world this way. I seem to be receiving more questions about me and my thoughts rather than my books... So this is me - I am tall, female, like to row boats. I laugh hysterically at my own jokes. Sometimes I even laugh at the thought of spontaneous laughter in rather awkward situations. Brilliant! In terms of everything else - I am a private person, I have no desire to be the kind of person who wears expensive clothing and flaunts bits of body for the media... Not interested. I like being amongst people, watching them and their stories. I love to find out about people's lives and who people really are and why they are like that... That is far more interesting than putting on some fake show...
So me - boats, water, self-amused, love writing books because it is an excuse to laugh out loud in cafes at my own jokes. That is it - nothing more - nothing less. Money pays bills, my mortgage and enables me the space and time to write. Millions of pounds is just millions of pounds... I have what I need and am happy with that... As I write this, I realise what a lovely space I am in and how lucky I am to be like this...

Finally I do hot yoga - it is pure torture, the hardest 'exercise' I have ever done but it keeps me calm and sweats out the caffeine that I consume - one cup per day... That is me - my life and everything else is nicely private...

Something is afoot.

Today I was discussing with a colleague the fact that one has to set an intention and really focus on it until you really believe it. There is a strange tingle in your gut and then you simply hand it over to whatever exists in the space we cannot see. My intention was simple - that the right people find the books and that they inspire, amuse and provide insight. Now that is happening and it is happening really rather fast...

What's more, it all came about when I stopped writing with the idea of making money. Yes it is a nice by-product but I do have a job. So by having a job - it takes the pressure off what I write... I get to spend as much time as possible in creation time making work that I truly love... I do not want to jump on a publishing treadmill where I have to churn out work. The truth is Labyrinthine took about six years to brew while I learned to write. The Ocean Callings took eight years and I wrote it and re-wrote it and yes last year I re-wrote it again. I had so much to learn about writing...

Finally Davina and The Goyles took about seven years. Incidentally I write books simultaneously, so the eight years, seven years and six years were years that over-lapped. I am not that old...

So with all this in mind, something interesting took place today - all three books were noticed on Kindle... They must have drawn someone's attention to put them on promotion. As I said my intention was for people to find the books and be inspired... So let's enjoy that it is happening and attract more positive attention.

My other good news is that The Ocean Callings has come out in paperback today. I loved writing that book so much... The adventures I had when I was creating it and the people I met in Scotland were phenomenal... I had no real technique for welly throwing or cowpat discuss until I had to research it. I just hope that book becomes a film just because it will have people laughing aloud in the cinema audience.. Love the thought of that! Here's to the right film producer finding the books and loving them!
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