CHAPTER 4
CONCERNS
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CHAPTER 1 On SOUND CLOUD http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-Dating-Game-Audiobook/B015G4ICYA/ref=a_search_c4_1_2_srTtl?qid=1442774344&sr=1-2
CHAPTER 2 ON SOUND CLOUD https://soundcloud.com/ruby-allure/02-lovehunt1-ch02
I will bring a turnip if you need me to. I don’t know what we will use it
for. Anyway I was talking to Abdi about dates including furniture and house
stuff. He said be careful with the furniture date. Men don’t like that kind of
thing early in relationships and they certainly don’t like jobs lists to do. He
says they just want the physical action first and then you can give them ‘jobs’
to do.... That is just his opinion. He says if you need any jobs done he will
be happy to help but his wife will be really unhappy if he does help. He is
grinning to himself and is calling you wife number two! Ha.
Anyway, I have missed you the last couple of days with the Richidiot.com
goings on... I know you are off to move flat but it is weird not having you
here. I love our little world of random conversation and realise how much our
analysis keeps me distracted from the mundane job that I am working in... The
boys are fun but these disastrous dating discussions are far more exciting!
Gracie
Oh Gracie, I
want to write long email but no time. Will have to direct my man while he lifts
new furniture. He seems very red in face. Not happy. I thought all men knew how
to put furniture together. I thought it was man genetic. Seems I must be wrong.
I have no idea how to read instructions so will end up with chair, wardrobe and
table as one. Then there will be leftover screws. I am feeling furniture sad.
Why do I pick man with no furniture skill? Maybe you should add desire for
furniture skills to your profile.
Talk soon.
Eva
Oh Eva –
furniture sadness breaks my heart. So how did the move go?
If you answer
this - I will know that you are back in today. God I hope you are in today
because I have so much to tell you! I will write it anyway because then you
have it for your return.
Okay – so I
think I have met someone. Remember the profile I sent you for this Andreas chap?
Well we are going on a date next Friday in Winchester… It is all very strange
because ‘I feel’ him without even meeting him… So odd! It sounds like how you
were with Oscar when you first met…
He called me
and we talked for ages. Plus he had a lovely voice. He cooked salmon and other
healthy food while we talked. That is already in his favour. The thing is… oh
how do I say this? Well, I think I have ‘virtually’ met him before. Nine months
ago, when I was on the site, he got really intense and I stopped talking to
him… One of his pictures triggered the memory… It is probably just me being
defensive again… The conversation was amazing but he repeated a previous conversation
we have had. What particularly bothered me is that he said he was new to the
site. I guess they all say that... Also the second aggrevation is – why didn’t
he recognise me from nine months ago? What do you think Eva?
Talk soon
Gracie
Hi Gracie,
I am in. Have more emails than one
Russian lady should try and read in a day!
The flat move went fine thank you. My
baby saved the day because he did it all! We turned it into our date and while
I was packing he moved it all. He was great. How many other men would take day
off work to spend time moving stuff around?
Oh and in terms of holiday - you know we
decided not to go to Thailand or Russia this time. We go later - perhaps in
February. My Mum said St. Petersburg is minus thirty degrees and I don’t have
time to sort my son’s visa before I go. That is why I ask you about Christmas.
So what you are doing? I know your parents live away. Oscar will ask his
parents if I can spend it with them, so we will see. What are your plans?
Interesting about the new man – just go
with it and see what he is like. Surely he would remember if he had contacted
you before. Did you mention it?
Eva
Hello Eva,
That flat move
sounds perfect considering you did your last minute speciality and did not pack
until the morning of the move. You do amaze me. I could not have handled that! You
just react to everything whereas I have to plan, order and structure. We are so
different… You only just make a train or plane and I am there with all my
contingency plans and a pilot licence! Ha. I am glad that you do not have to
coordinate army troops; although, it might work in their favour because they
would probably miss the battle!
So how did it feel
waking up in your new place?
And I agree
about going to Russia - I don’t think I could handle minus thirty degrees. That
would mean icicles hanging from all available and exposed appendages.
You know what?
I have been going through my emails and this Andreas is definitely the chap I
met on the Rich bloke website before. He was a little too intense for me then.
Maybe he changed. See I can be considerate and kind! He is completely open and
says exactly how he feels. We talk very easily and he is very intelligent. He
is forty-four or so he says. He works as some kind of Director for a large
corporation – something to do with bridges. He is also very creative too… He is
the same height as me, so no high heels until we know each other better, then I
do not de-masculinise him. See I am learning. He seems very well educated and
just seems quite decent (for a change). In truth, I am a bit scared… I think
you had that moment where you got butterflies in your stomach. I can kind of
‘feel’ that tingle with Andreas and that unnerves me… All of this has made me
realise how set in my ways I have become. I am very used to being single and
relationships mean compromise to me. As you said – relationships become a
mirror to yourself… We will see. I hope the budgie that looks back from my
mirror is beautiful and not a psycho budgie!
Oh Gracie, I just did a little clap at
the desk. The moaning woman is on her fifth bar of chocolate in one hour. When
I make big clap noise with giant smile she looked at me with angry eyes and
jammed chocolate in mouth. I am so excited for you. I could never see you as
budgie. You are more of a peacock with all that feather waving... Although, the
woman does not wave her feathers - it is only feather waving cock... Okay you
not cock more like swan. They are nice birds... You are a nice bird too! So
tell me more!
Eva
Eva, you
certainly have a way with words. It is always interesting how you see life and
how you see me. Thank you for the swan and telling me about your thoughts
regarding feather waving cocks. You really are original...
Anyway, he
lives in London and suggested staying in a hotel in Winchester on that Friday
night. That way he could turn it into a little break. I can drive – that way I
have my escape route in the form of a car. I suggested Winchester because then
I will not run into anyone I know – plus it is lovely there. Do you remember the date I went on when I ran
into a whole bunch of friends at the precise moment when the date had just trodden
in a dog shit wearing flip-flops? That was rather awkward. There he was
dragging his foot over long grass, all red in the face with a bunch of my
friends watching in amusement. At least I learned that one couldn’t moon walk
in flip-flops!
So we will find
out whether he is decent on Friday. Fingers crossed and legs open – did I just
write that? Ha. It is a saying one of the older rowing women said to me the
other evening. She is hilarious! Oh I have copied his email below. My question
was why was he on Rich bloke twice and why doesn’t he remember me? My
suspicious nature is rising to the surface. My budgie is getting ugly! It will
be pecking the mirror soon!
Gracie
Andreas wrote: Good evening Gracie,
I am glad that everything is in order regarding our date. In
answer to your question – why am I on the site – well I am not completely sure
why I joined that particular site. My intention was to meet someone away from
my circle of lawyers and city people. They grow tedious and repeat the same
conversations. In truth, I have been craving to meet someone with a diverse
sense of interest. A zest for arts and creativity are necessary because both
play a big part in my life.
I used to do life drawing as a hobby, writing and
photography too. As you may have noticed that is very different to my
education, although my education has a big creative side to it too.
It is funny how I feel I can be so open with you and felt
the urge to put down some random thoughts. I like you reading and having access
to me through my writing. It makes me feel like our minds are connected.
Andreas
Hi
Gracie,
That
e-mail is bit stunted (that is a word – I looked it up on internet) don’t you
think? He hasn’t asked anything about you. Do you think he has big ego? Is
he Italian decent? His name sounds Italian or Spanish.
Was he married? Does he have kids?
What are you doing for lunch today?
We could catch up on after party gossips
;-)
Eva
Hey Eva,
I am free
tomorrow for lunch. I have training today and do not know what time it will
end. I will be gyming as usual all the other lunch times but I can make some
time for ‘after party gossips.’ Oh and
talking of gyming I saw the ‘Ghost of diet hell past’ again today. She jogged
past and said I have only put on a total of twenty pounds now. I don’t
understand why she has to keep telling me about her weight gain. So weird!
In answer to
your questions - apparently he has not been married and does not have children.
He has been in some long relationships but has lived all over the world with
his job. He said that he could never really settle. I think that is a bit of an
excuse. Now that he’s based in London he wants to find someone but he says he
does not like classical relationships. I wonder what that means. I had a bit of
an alarm bell there too.
Since it is
early days I have not gone into his full origin. But he has tanned skin and
brown hair… So I think it must be Italian or something similar. Actually when you
put our photos beside each other he is the opposite to me… It is odd actually –
there I am - all athletic, lean and muscular. We have him – not looking
terribly fit, not fat but a medium build. His dark hair and brown skin contrast
to my pale freckled skin. In all his pictures he wears suits, so we can’t have
a look at his body. I bet he doesn’t do any exercise. He hasn’t mentioned it at
all. How funny.
How are things
going with Oscar?
Are you free
tomorrow for lunch then? I will sacrifice one gym for a catch up – do you know
how privileged you are? Do you mind leaving this building for lunch?
Gracie
Hi Gracie,
I’m definitely free for lunch tomorrow. If
we leave this building, where shall we go?
Andreas sounds lovely, especially since
he has no baggage. Is only distance, but if it works out then you can decide
where to live.
Oscar is lovely, we didn’t argue once
yesterday. It was very hard work not to bring up bloody village discussion. He
always smiles, which makes huge difference. Sometimes I don’t know if he smiles
to calm me down or because he is laughing at me. How can you tell?
Anyway, we spent the day sorting out the
flat. We were so busy that we didn’t eat all day, he was very patient. He is a
good man – it is the fifth date and there he is helping me arrange flat with
furniture. There were a few moments where he seemed a bit annoyed but he just
hit furniture with hammer. I think that is a very man response. I do like a man
to be a man but some of my furniture is good furniture. I considered asking him
to stop but a woman should never start conflict with angry man carrying a
hammer in his hand!
In the evening we went to restaurant on
sea front. He likes serious conversations, for which I told him off. It was
about life in village, this is what he always wanted, he said. He wants to live
in a village near sheep and fields. Imagine – me with all this glamour and what
does he expect – gold Wellington boots?
Can you hear me? Bloody village!
Bloody, bloody, bloody village! Bloody sheep
by bloody village. Bloody Wellington boot! BLOODY GOLD WELLINGTON BOOT!
Eva
Erm Eva, I find
your response interesting because I have not met Andreas yet and this is the
first date. I think plans for marriage and moving in might have to go on the
shelf for now. We might have to have second and third dates before we consider
a mini-break. Come on… a little too fast! Although maybe I should buy a flat on
the second date and give him a jobs list on the third... Ha! What is it with
how women begin planning marriage on the first date and working out how the man
will fit in with their dream life? I do find it funny, I have stopped telling
my other friends about my dates. I had that moment of humiliation when I was on
the second date with the fireman. I was at a dinner party when one of my
friends tapped her glass to gain everyone’s attention. ‘I have some wonderful
news,’ she said. ‘One of my dearest friends is soon to be married. It finally
happened – she met someone like her. And how I know that she has met her soul-mate
is because they have been arranging fruit to look like faces and photographing
them and sending them to each other. If that is not love then what is?’ That
was when the penny dropped and she was talking about me. All I did was take a
carrot that looked like it had legs, added an apple head and stuck some eyes on
it. I sent the picture to the date who responded with an ornate melon carved in
the shape of a face. We were only on our second date!
Now imagine my
horror when she announced, ‘My best friend is going to get married!’
Everyone
clapped and was so excited. They all wanted to know about the mystery man. Her
parents congratulated me and told me that miracles can happen. They had always
considered me the eternal single because I had no tolerance. After all that
fuss I had to make my own announcement. After tapping the glass, I stood up.
‘Thank you everyone for your excitement but I have to put everyone straight.
The ‘potential husband’ and I have had two dates – which does not constitute
marriage. We did share images of arranged fruit but this does not usually equate
to a long-term commitment unless we intend to open a juice bar. So thank you
very much for providing me with the realisation that from now on I should keep
my dating escapades to myself so I can avoid public humiliation. I also
realised that I have become a source of entertainment for the marrieds amongst
you - I overheard a number of you making bets on whether I would actually make
it down the aisle. That kind of pressure is not fair.’
The result of
that counter-announcement was ‘Stunned silences are us.’ I left the dinner
party straight away because I felt ridiculed. My so-called friend left numerous
answer phone messages filled with apology but I realised the unfortunate truth
is that the majority of my friends used my dating life as entertainment. I
realise now that it is. I have stopped getting excited about the men because
something always happens. After that experience, amongst the messages of
apology, the fire-fighter contacted me and said that he did not feel that we
were suited. Pictures of arranged fruit were never something that he had
considered sharing with a girlfriend.
Gracie
Oh Gracie,
What a shame about fruit arranging fire-fighter
– he sounded fun, but it make you realise what people say about you and what
people really think. People only excited about your adventurous dating life
because their life is so dull that your dating escapes entertain. The thing is
you are good when you are single. Most people find it hard to survive alone -
not you, so you do not need someone. That puts you in power position. Also
everyone want you to be happy with man but you are happy whether you are in or
out of relationship. That is strange for many. Anything else exciting going on
over there?
Eva
Well Eva,
Abdi is sitting
sniggering about the fact that you made Oscar go to a furniture shop on the
second date and do removals so early on. He said no wonder Oscar is hitting
everything with a hammer. He asked whether you have written him any more jobs
lists. This apparently freaks men out. Gary says that he would have run a mile
if that was him. He reckons that you
must have some Russian tricks up your proverbial sleeve to bribe him into doing
all that for you. Abdi has offered himself up for experiment! He says as long
as there is massage involved he will definitely help you with the jobs list! Oh
he said that the massage will have to be naked – both you and him. He has now
adopted the dazed look and cannot concentrate on work again. I find it amazing
– as soon as you mention the word breast or naked - all these men stop
concentrating. It is like some kind of override switch, which freezes them into
a daze. Their faces go all wistful and they stare into the distance. I have
waved rulers in front of Abdi while he is in this state and nothing happens, he
just keeps staring. It is so weird. Imagine saying the word pectoral or bicep
to a woman – bam! She stops everything and stares into space? That would never
happen!
In terms of
lunch, shall we walk over to lake area on the edge of the grounds – just to get
air. I just read some of your emails again - you and that bloody village! Eva,
I don’t want to concern you but you actually hate villages. You have said that
before… so how have you managed to attract a man from a BLOODY village?
I have been
thinking about attraction – who we attract and who we are attracted to. Strangely
I think if I like Andreas things could work… We are both willing to meet half
way – he actually suggested that. I am happy to go to London every couple of
weeks and he likes the idea of coming down to the beach. So that is great. I do
not need to be with someone all the time… so there is possibility! Imagine me
actually uttering those words. Weird! I will date other people though in the
meantime then I will not focus on him. I know that when I focus on one thing I
can become a little obsessive. Obsessiveness is an unfortunate truth about my
nature and I have to rein it in. Obsessiveness enables me to achieve goals,
remain focused but is also a hindrance because other people ‘don’t get it.’ So
we will see what happens.
Gracie
Hello Gracie, I am so excited that I
clapped again. The moaners’ biscuit snapped and fell in her tea. She is overly
wiping the desk with special desk wipes and spray. She is looking at me with
how you say contentment? Contempt? Sound same don’t you think? English is
strange language. Her face looks squashed like she is sucking hard through
straw with lump inside... Shame she so sad, nothing makes her happy. She hates
that I am happy so that makes me happier... So tell me even more. Oh and women
on my team are looking over to see what fuss is about. What do I say? I will
say critical friend is actually being nice to man... Ha!
Eva
Hello Eva, the
sour woman next to you must really find it hard when you are so lively... Fancy
making her biscuit fall in her tea! Ohhhh more to moan about... Talking about
moaning I was laughing about your bloody village rant again - although no doubt
you will hear me muttering bloody LONDON. He lives twenty minutes from Central
London, in a nice green area. I like some of London but find the place too busy
and draining… When I work up there I usually last until four o’clock and then
need to sleep. Funny how some people are energised by places and I am drained
by London. Yet when I am in New York – that is a completely different ball
game! Let’s see what happens. I feel that Andreas and I need to meet first
before I construct the fantasy of houses in the country, puppies, babies and
nannies. What I do find interesting is that when you met Oscar you had a bit of
a feeling about him – ‘like it was meant to be.’
By the way –
you are the only person who knows about Andreas… I have to share this with
someone, but someone who is not going to announce a wedding after the second
date! I love secrets!
I have put my
response to his question: Why are you on Rich bloke then?
Personally I joined because my friend met someone decent who
was highly intelligent. I sometimes find that I have to hide my intelligence so
as not to intimidate others, especially men. My assumption about the site was
that the people dating on there had succeeded so therefore were more likely to
be of high intelligence. I had not expected some of the approaches or some of
the stories that I have heard. My most fascinating insight is that women
actually ask for money and that some of the men view those women as a commodity
to be bought. What a strange world we live in. So those would be a series of
random thoughts in response to your random thoughts. We are in a dialogue of
randomness – lovely. What are you up to today? Gracie
Hi Gracie,
I loved your random thoughts. I adore the intellectual
expression of your mind. Unfortunately that is something that I find hard to
relate to in a woman. You are right - most men do find the level of
intelligence you mentioned threatening. That is mostly because of insecurity.
Of course, that is because we are still living in a male dominated society ruled
by old-fashioned values. Personally, I like challenge. To find such qualities
in a woman is highly stimulating, attractive and a huge fascination.
I find women demanding money and financial arrangements a
travesty! It is a sad reflection of the uglier aspect of our modern world. The
greed and lack of appreciation of human values saddens me. I dislike that
immensely.
At the moment I am doing some house chores and multi-tasking
with you. I will be going to have lunch at my friend’s home. After that visit,
I will take a walk on the South Bank followed by swim/spa this evening. I just
wanted to demonstrate that a man can do chores and multi-task. Apparently it is
a rare phenomenonJ
How about you?
Andreas
Hello Andreas, I am juggling fire whilst going down a steep
hill on roller-skates in traffic. Only joking! I am finishing some photographic
commissions. Photography is now something that I do for fun because I used to
work as a professional photographer. If you are interested, you can look up my
name on Google. You will find out who I am and be able to see some of my
photographic sites. I thought the imagery might appeal to your creative side.:)
Gracie
Hello Gracie,
I will Google you as you said and will look at your pictures
/ artworks. The more I read your emails the more interested I now feel. I sense
your mind and get an in-depth sense who you really are. I sense that so far you
are very attractive. Your humour tickles me.
Andreas
So... Eva,
What do you
think of the above? How does reading my writing make me attractive? I have to
be honest, I do like the way he writes – it is so very open. Oh and this is the
comparative email from another wealthy wally Janus (funny how Janus rhymes with
anus!)
Dear Gracie,
I am terribly
impressed by your stature, your well-bred features and of course your intelligence.
In horse terms, you would be considered terribly good breeding stock. I hope
that does not offend you because that is a true equine compliment!
With the above
in mind, you may well be curious about me. I am a rather humble chap who
happens to have a vast estate up here in Cheshire. I generally keep myself to myself.
I spend a great deal of time with my horses and at the weekend enjoy a good
hunt. Incidentally, do you ride because that would be most convenient? Anyway
please take a peek at my profile and we shall arrange from there.
Best wishes
Janus.
Admittedly it
is a nice enough email but being likened to breeding stock what does that say?
What is he thinking? Incidentally Janus the wealthy anus... Ha!
Gracie
Gosh Gracie, the emails from Andreas are
all intense and very deep. I never talk to men about such things. He seems
impressed by your brain. Maybe your brain will be what makes you attractive.
Now I do not wish to be rude but I don’t remember him 100% vigour (if this a
word – maybe new word) from the photograph. That is because I do not remember
such things. How wonderful for this to work out for you!
The horsey man is very funny, he thinks
of you as horse. He probably wants to ride you. You should meet him – you might
like living on an estate with horse and spending your time writing!
Now I don’t have to do very much so far
today - a bit lazy, is lovely. Janet is so keen to do all work, so I will let
her. She just wants to impress manager
and get extra points. She is a brown eye! While she work hard we can just
gossip and talk about men.
Eva
Hi Eva,
I think the
expression you were looking for there is brown nose. The brown nose is someone
who puts their nose up someone’s bottom to get liked or advance their career. A
brown eye is the bottom hole. You may have meant this – but I thought I would
let you know. 100% vigor references a level of effort. I think you might want
to say I don’t completely remember him... Apologies if this email sounds like
an English lesson. When you said she was a brown eye I spat my coffee all over
my two screens and began to choke. Greg and Abdi had to come over and see what
all the fuss was about! They then wet themselves laughing about the brown eye
too! They then sang ‘Brown eye in the ring shall la la la la...’ That song from
the seventies. Of course they did their best seventies style dancing and
luckily the manager was out for a meeting otherwise I am sure there would be a
dancing trio. Those two are always looking for opportunities to stop work and
be naughty! Now imagine having a manager who likes to join in with the mischief.
I am so lucky to work with such great and naughty people! Anyway, I hope you
don’t mind that I showed them. They have no clue about the dating of wealthy
men. Only you know the truth.
Gracie
Hello Gracie,
I know both Greg and Adbi, so it is
okay. Your manager is very attractive man and he knows it too. So when I imagine
him dancing with them and laughing is very nice image. You are so lucky to work
with them. They are so much fun. My team are bitchy and boring. Then there you
are with the two naughty boys and a very ‘hot’ manager to play with all day...
The others on your team are nice too but I know how you adore those ‘idiots’ as
you call them. ‘Or the naughty boys’.
So...secrets are fun. I loved my secret
about buying the flat and not letting the other Russian girls know. Lena said
it was the best surprise ever. Adriana was just jealous. She sat with her arms
folded and kept tutting. Lena said she
was not very nice or kind.
You know last night; Oscar asked me how
old I was? It was a very difficult moment beause I could not lie. So there we
are, I’m older than him. He expected me to say I was thirty-eight, just a year
older than my profile but I added the six years and shocked the man… Women have
three ages anyway – the one they are born with, the one they tell people and
the one they think they look like. I look mid-thirties, so must be one of my
ages. So it was not a giant lie!
As we were being honest, I ask him how
much money he has - if he has any wealth at all! He shook his head. He is
massively in debt with credit card and rent village – how you say- shed.
Everything he has is on loan. So I might be older but he pretended to have
money. He does not have any money at all! I have more money than him – imagine!
Now which lie is bigger? We must be equal! It is sad day when relationship
starts as lie. I asked him again why he was on rich site – his reply – the
women are better looking on rich site. See how men think? It is all about the
woman looking good and having glamorous woman on arm to show off to friends! I
still like him though. I like him singing.
About Christmas with his parents – they
are not too happy. Oscar thinks his mum will worry, so I would prefer to spend
it with Lena and you in the evening. It will be nice to chat and eat lovely
food because I don’t have TV yet.
The New Year should be fun and you can
make new list. This will be actual list about man. My new year will have Oscar performing
in a very old pub in his parent’s village. I would love to see him perform, he
will sing songs for me and I will be sitting in auditorium with his parents. He
will sing to me and the women with their pet pigs will all look over and see
glamorous Russian woman in golden wellington boots in bloody village! I will
adore my poor boyfriend as he wears the new clothes I bought for him. Even if
he is poor, he will look very good because of the taste of a good Russian
woman! He is very lucky man!
Eva
Hi Eva,
That all sounds very well planned, you are usually far more spontaneous!
I don’t want to be rude but I had a sense that Oscar did not have any money. The
way he presented himself on that night out did not suggest any kind of wealth.
That combined with his posture and lack of self-belief gave it away. I also
noticed that he did not offer to buy one round of drinks and in the Italian
restaurant I noticed that you paid for his dinner. Didn’t you mention that he
said he had forgotten his credit cards or something? It is so interesting how a
man goes on a wealthy man website to meet a good-looking woman and the woman
goes to meet a wealthy man, yet there is usually something untoward behind the
scenes! The men use their wealth to attract a beautiful woman who exchanges
their beauty to be the commodity of the wealthy. When I notice things like that
I realise that maybe I shouldn’t be there – although how else am I supposed to
meet a man who has high intelligence and ambition?
Well at least for New Year you get to see Oscar perform. I am sure you
will love that, especially if he sings in your direction. It is quite early to
meet the parents but this high-speed relationship gains momentum with each date.
Erm, I notice that you will be in a village for New Year. How are you feeling
about the ‘bloody’ village? Are you getting more used to the idea? Will I hear
that you have taken to driving tractors, chasing chickens and delivering eggs
to neighbours?
Gracie
Hello Gracie.
Village is
village. What more can I say? I will not be seen driving a tractor or a
chicken! At least I will be the only glamorous woman there. Village becomes
village with glamorous Russian woman! It will give the villagers something to
talk about – better than chickens! On New Year, I will be looking beautiful in
excellent clothing taste while other women wear sacks, wellington boots and farming
clothes. Who is winner?
Eva
Hello Eva,
I am going to have to stop reading your emails whilst eating or drinking.
The ‘driving a chicken’ comment evolved into the image of you sitting on the
back of an ostrich wearing gold wellington boots. I have been shaking with
laughter to myself about that one. I had to go to the bathroom and lock myself
in the executive cubicle (disabled) to laugh that one out!
Now regarding the clothing attire, it depends what the criteria for
winning is. If there is lots of mud – the women wearing sacks and wellingtons
may well be ahead. If there is nice weather then you will definitely be the
winner. I have an image of you in sparkling silver high heels and skin-tight
satin trousers knee-deep in mud. You standing there screaming ‘bloody village
and get those bloody chickens away from me!’
So do you want to see all Andreas’s emails then? I am having alarm bells
about him again. An hour ago I liked him but now something isn’t sitting right
for me. He is so intense, so deep and I remember how he started making demands
before. I actually ended up blocking his number. I don’t know whether I am just
having a general panic – or whether I am self-sabotaging... Gut reaction is not
making sense. I am experiencing excitement with an undercarriage tingle mixed
with apprehension. I really don’t know. I already feel confused and I haven’t
met him.
Gracie
Hi Gracie,
I do not know
any Russian woman who has ridden ostrich. I could be first in history. I like
the idea of riding ostrich more than chicken. I feel ostrich ride could be
something fun. Imagine me, with all my glamour, racing on large bird down village
high street. Imagine the gossip in local bakery! La, la, la! This makes me
smile and pass the day. I love how your mind comes up with such random
thoughts.
Oh and Andreas
might have changed during the last months. Give him a chance – at least you go
in with knowledge. You always get scared and find reasons to run. I think this
is what you are doing right now! Gracie stop thinking about it too much – you
always think your way out of everything! Gracie always give the man a chance!
You never know what will come from it and then we have something to talk about
at work. Anyway what can go wrong? Eva
Hi Eva – what can go wrong? He could be a complete weirdo! He might
collect those dolls that look like real life women. Imagine hundreds of them
dotted around his home. What can go wrong? He could have a bondage den and
speak with a German accent! Would you consider that a little far-fetched? There
is worse: he might have a collection of sock puppets and be into ventriloquism.
Imagine if taxidermy was his hobby while he stuffs badgers he smokes a pipe...
Okay this is a little extreme. Yes you are right; I do have a tendency to
over-think. It is how I am set up. My levels of trust and faith in men over the
last few years have diminished, so naturally I am reluctant.
Have a look – tell me what you think – tell me whether you would be
having doubts!
Hi Gracie,
I will email you a few random pics of me too in a moment.
Andreas.
Here is a very
recent formal photo of me.
Andreas
Enclosed are a few photos of me on a normal day.
Unfortunately I don’t have any without glasses!
Andreas.
Here I am again! This is me sitting on a cliff.
Andreas
Here are two of me by a farm.
Andreas.
Here is one of me milking a cow.
Andreas.
Oh and one more – the goat is eating my hair! That was a
funny moment.
Andreas.
Eva - since when does a woman need a picture of a man
milking a cow? Yes he does look nice in the picture and he is smiling but come
on – milking a bloody cow? Maybe it references nipples or something... Anyway
Eva – here are the emails that followed:
Hello again Gracie,
I just looked at your art gallery. Your photos are amazing.
I loved the themes, the colour combinations and the amazing sense of reality
that they offered. The pictures of the icebergs are inspirational. You have
lived a life that has made you a phenomenal lady! You are clearly very
accomplished and talented. It is a real pleasure to see the sense of talent in
you. It is so refreshing to see such inspiration when so many women are simply
consumed in shopping and bloody shoes! I am so happy to meet you! Oh I attached
a picture of me milking a goat and a cow simultaneously. Again I am
multi-tasking! Not many men can do that!
Andreas.
Morning Andreas…
The pictures reveal that you are really
enjoying yourself and live quite a diverse life. The formal wear shots are my
favourite and made you look charming. Obviously, you have a real affinity with
animals. The cow even appeared to have a smile on her face as you milked her. Multi-milk
tasking between a goat and cow is something I have never witnessed a man do
before. You certainly have some rare talents too. Thank you for the compliments
regarding my photographic skills - I am very blessed but again that is why I
stated the ‘unique’ aspect on the profile. Obviously this is nothing compared
to your milking talents. I could never do that to a cow or a goat, let alone
simultaneously! Well done!
Gracie
Hi
Gracie, you really can be bitch! Not nice quality Gracie. I know this is funny
to you. I can see you sitting laughing as you compliment man on his milking
talent. Remember he is just trying to impress you and keep your attention. He
knows there is competition out there. Since when has cow smiled? I think you
were being your usual naughty self! Be nice – I know you were trying to find
reason to make compliment, but you and I know you what you are like - you are
so bad! How you say? – You are mocking him! Woman should be nice, kind, loving,
nurturing not mocking!
Eva
Hi Eva,
I will try to
be kind and nice but it is difficult when you receive five more emails in two
hours… I was trying to be nice in that last e-mail. Bear in mind I have never
complimented any man on his capacity for farmyard tasks!
Oh, I think
that this chap is growing increasingly demanding regarding attention. I might
even go so far as to say he is needy. He just keeps emailing and emailing. He
then said he ‘craved’ my emails because he just wanted to understand how my
mind worked. Of course it freaked me out. I then realised that I am acting like
a man again... Plus I just wanted to run away! The thing is the issue lies with
me and not him. I do wonder whether I am actually ready for this dating lark
again... It has been a year and a half since ‘him’. I should be ready by now for
someone new, surely. I will only find out by diving into the proverbial dating
ocean. Oh and I have decided to distract myself with other men – on the site.
It is better for me to date more than one at a time. That is what a lot of the
men do – so surely I should play it like them. I do not want to get my hopes up
or put my village chicken eggs in one handmade basket!
Also I have not
explained to you properly what happened with my previous breakup. It is
generally something I keep to myself. All I can say is that I am not very good
at trusting anymore, although Andreas seems open and very different to the ex. After
talking on the phone, I do feel a little more relaxed. The way he talks is
fascinating. He seems sorted and understands all manner of emotional intelligence
stuff… so he could be worth spending an evening with. I just dread that moment
when you actually have to meet the person in reality… You build up all these lovely ideas and
fantasies... finally you meet them and they look five stone heavier and have
fallen on hard times!
Oh goodness!
All the defences have risen to the surface again. Why am I struggling? I think
it must be to do with how we put all our dreams and hopes on another person.
Why do we believe that other people should make us happy? It is not their
responsibility – we need to learn to make ourselves happy first. To be quite
frank expecting happiness to come from another person is not fair on them. High
hopes with absolutely no expectation!
Gracie
Hey
Gracie, It is natural to have big nerves. These internet things build big
fantasy. Then you meet them and no – it is errrgh! Remember the date I went on
with the charming man – the one that look very good in his lovely suit. The very
professional – intelligent man. We go and dance. He dance and dance – he was
having great dancing time and filled his clothes with sweat (not sweet). He
then gives me a look – ‘the look’ and he thinks I desire romance with sweaty
stink man. I thought – oh I am so lucky to have sweat man in my bed. I made
excuses so I could keep bed nice and clean.
Women
are so clean and nice and man hairy with sweat. I wish I could like woman...
But no possible – love how you say - the sausage. Anyway, go on this date and
stop over-thinking. At least you have met then you will know and move on. Plus
there is nice meal bonus. It is nice to have meal paid for while you learn
about other people’s lives. Always so interesting! Think about all these characters
and stories for books. I think the problem is that you might like him. I think
you find it easier to find escape route or excuse to avoid relationship. You
always find problem or fault to make you discard them. You said you had a chat
last night then? What did he say?
Eva
Hi Eva, You are probably right. Yes I admit that I find
fault or an excuse to run away. If I find fault in them first, they don’t have
a chance to find faults in me. I don’t think I like to admit that, but it is an
unfortunate truth. It is strange how we look for perfection in others and our
‘perfect’ partners. The truth is our vulnerability and foibles make us
beautifully unique.
Last night he talked about his job. It seems he constantly
travels for business. He then talked about philosophy, passion and the fact he
never fully identified with women. They are never as intelligent as he is and
they definitely ‘don’t get him.’ The reality is the sexes generally do not ‘get’
each other. We are wired differently, that is just how it is. The sooner we
accept that the better. All those years working on ships and being with men
twenty four hours per day – I realised how they worked. It is hard not to have
an insight into the male mind when the ratio of men to woman on that ship was
four hundred and fifty men to forty women. When we came into port – buses
transported the sailors to the brothels - the ‘seamen’s’ clubs. Even those that
were married went! It disgusted me at the time but it made it very clear the
reality of the sex drive. If men were at sea too long without sex they went
mad! I think their sperm swam around their bodies and bore into their brains! They
had seaman brains (ha!).They had to release their ‘tensions’ somewhere.
After the conversation with Andreas last night, I concluded
that he is unaware that he contacted me nine months ago. The fact that he said
that he was new to internet dating was a complete lie. Why bother lying? He also
said his last relationship was with a female doctor nine months ago, apparently
he met her at a dinner party. The funny thing is that the timing coincides with
when he was last talking to me on the rich bloke site. I am in such a conflict
with this and completely confused by him. His behaviour does not fall into my
way of doing things – my mental map and his seem to be at odds. Strangely, I
remain curious because he maintains this air of dignity and ‘acts’ like a
gentleman yet he remains unaware of my memory. I have even dug out some of my
old e-mails from him. It is definitely him. He was relentless. I want to go to
resolve this – but if he does not remember specifics then the question is how
many people is he dating simultaneously? What has the world come to?
Gracie
Hi
Gracie,
Wow!
Your memory... What are you going to do? I think you just have to meet him to
clear this up. Then how you say? – it is resolved. Sometimes these things
happen for reason. Reason might be that you will have love. Reason might be
something different. Best way to play it is pretend in your mind he have amnesia.
Remember most people do not remember details the same way as you. I don’t
remember last week let alone nine months ago! It is just how your mind works –
not his. You don’t have to say anything about it. Just go and get a nice meal
paid for. Nice meals are the best reason for dating men with money. At least
they don’t take you to fast food joint – imagine. One girl in this department
was taken to fast food chicken joint on her first date. Her date said that he
did it for surprise. She was very surprised! Bloody chickens – even fast food
bloody chicken! Remember you always have your get-away vehicle if it does not
work.
Eva
Oh Eva, why do I always manage to attract complete dicks? At
least I have upped my game to the wealthier dick! I suppose the fact that man
has a dick is something to do with it. It seems that the weighted difference
between the upper brain and the lesser brain is the main cause of all the
issues. Gravity and the dick brain... I
will reply to the mail with the following:
Hi Andreas, I am about to go for a long stroll by the beach
with a friend and then to a cafe. Later this evening I will enjoy sitting,
writing and editing. We do have an enormous amount in common. I think it will
be worth meeting up whether it is romantic or not. That way there is no
pressure. I really enjoy the way you articulate and feel that we could find
solutions to the work issues – should it work out. Incidentally do you have a
car? If so, have you been to Winchester before? I like the idea of meeting up
there because that is about half way. Talk soon Gracie.
What do you think Eva? I often wonder whether men have any clue
about the discussions women have about them. I find it amusing how we spend our
working day discussing and analysing their behaviour. At least it passes the
mundane working hours. I haven’t fully involved the naughty boys with this
Andreas yet either. I can imagine their faces lighting up and all of their
opinions, pure carnage. They will train me like Rocky before going into a
dating ‘fight’. I think that I want to keep this one quiet. They are still
entertained by the date where I climbed out the toilet window and came face to
face with the chap who had popped out for a smoke. That was a hideous moment! I
still can’t believe I said I was training to be a burglar. He didn’t buy it –
so I pointed at the cigarette and said ‘but you said you didn’t smoke! Liar!’ Oh all these dates over the years and look
where I am – single! Boooo! Maybe singledom is the best thing. The women here
call it singledooooooooom! I call it freedom. Oooops!
Gracie
Ox
Gracie,
I
often wonder if you make such things happen for fun and have story to tell. Do
you pick your dates based on idiotness or potential for how you say -
ridiculousness? Or ridicule? Is dating your entertainment because you have no
television?
Eva
Hey Eva, I love the usage of the word Ox – are you trying to
say that I am as strong as an ox? Or did you mean the word oh? I guess dating
is entertainment and generally results in a story to tell. What would we
discuss here if there were not dates?
In truth, I would like to meet someone nice – really nice. I
sense that my underlying belief is that men think with their dicks – I think that
is where the expression dickhead came from. I watch their eyes when they see
me, they visually undress me and are having mental sex with me. It horrifies me
to be honest because I am an idealist and a romantic – so the reality is always
a disappointment. In my fantasies men are smooth with well-groomed chest
hair. The reality is completely
different. Why did God invent ear and nostril hair? I doubt that in terms of
survival that an ear hole or a nostril needs to be kept that warm!
Anyway here is his response: You are so lucky to have the
pleasure of being able to walk by the beach – something so very relaxing and
magical about it. I find the sea to be a source of energy and inspiration in so
many different ways. After all these in depth emails – I would really like to
meet you too. I like the fact that you too believe in the meeting for the sake
of meeting. The fact that we are exploring each other through ‘that’ site
doesn’t have to manifest itself in only romance or purely for romance. I truly
don’t have a tunnel vision in life, I so like that in you too. You are
definitely very different, refreshingly different in fact and I do love your
expression of mind so far. More than you can probably imagine... For a woman to
have a beautiful mind, face and body is something very unique! Oh how much I
value it and excuse-me - but desire it too!
This afternoon I will be out and about London. I choose to
live amongst the chaos, but there is so much here to stimulate all the senses.
I will probably drop by into the Tate Modern this afternoon in case there is a
new exhibition. Admittedly, I was there three weeks ago so I doubt that much
has changed. Of course it will be far too crowded this afternoon and perhaps
that is the unpleasant aspect of it. Even with the crowds it is always still
worth a flying visit whilst I am in the vicinity.
Car – yes I do have a car and yes I would like to meet you
where you suggested. I love Winchester as a town and used to visit it often
when I was living in Salisbury, all those years ago as a student. The very
thought of it brings back great memories. That, combined with the thought of
meeting you, is even more appealing. I feel a sense of aliveness that I have
not felt in a long time. It is anticipation combined with the excitement of
potential stimulation from an intelligent woman! Andreas.
It is a lovely email isn’t it Eva? Gracie
Hi
Gracie,
He
does sound nice – I am sure you will like him when you meet him. He is very
interesting too. Give him a chance and forget doubts. Everyone deserves a chance!
As for me - a weekend in the bloody village! That place is in back of hole
beyond. He is complaining how far it is to drive here. It takes me an hour on
the bus – do I complain no? Imagine he had to get on bus to see me. Does he have
clue how lucky he is to drive? I have no chance to drive yet because have to
re-take test. Now imagine this too – my lovely new flat – over-looking the sea.
He said I should sell my new flat and move to village. What is he thinking? Imagine
me with my manicured nails and high heels milking a pig!
Eva
Eva,
In general, I would advise you to avoid milking pigs. It is
just something I learned when I was young – it seems they don’t like it –
especially by Russian women with particularly well-manicured nails. You might
prefer to start with a goat and work up to a smiling cow. The cow is the one
with the hanging udders – do not try and milk any other kind – especially if
there is only one appendage hanging down. Incidentally, what is it with this
milking mania? We have Andreas sending cow milking in pictorial form and now
you pig milking – there has to be something in the air! Farming hobbies?
Oh and talking of random, last night I was in the
supermarket and saw the ‘Ghost of diet hell past’. She was in the chocolate aisle
and appeared to be arguing with a bar of chocolate. ‘I don’t need you – I can’t
eat you, you make me fat!’ she then put the chocolate down, turned around
picked it up, then jumped up and down. I hid at the end of the aisle watching
her going through this conflict. It was terrifying to watch and something I
have experienced when I did the original diet. Eventually she picked up four
bars and stormed to the checkout. She
really seems to be in a state of struggle. After doing that extreme diet I only
eat dark chocolate now because then I just have a taste and that is it. My willpower
is rubbish too but to witness someone argue with chocolate in public... Mad.
Gracie
Hi
Gracie,
Thank
you for farmyard advice – I grew up in a city so have not milked any animal and
I do not intend to… I hate the idea of village and mud. I love my city and my
nice restaurants. Who do you dress up for in a village? Go to local shop – buy
what you say ‘chutney’ – why dress for that? It is my worst nightmare. What
does he think? To blend in - will hang around there with handkerchief on head
and grow lady moustache? I saw one woman with big hairs on legs. I almost
cried. Made me feel sick looked like giant angry spiders all over! They do not
have waxing in village and only razor for hair removal were designed for men.
And ‘Ghost of diet hell past has gone mad’ – why scream at chocolate – is not
its fault. It does not say eat me when walk past. Poor woman!
Eva
Hey Eva,
You can do anything you like – the locals may well be fascinated
by a beautiful blonde Russian bombshell sporting a moustache and chipped nails
whilst demonstrating how to milk a pig in the High Street. Many strange things
happen in the countryside. We all have talents and that, my dear, would be
phenomenal! It could be your get rich quick from Russia scheme!
Gracie
Hi
Gracie,
Have
you had any more e-mails? I am bored, have run out of work to do. Please
forward them. And I want to be rich now because want more time in spa. I like
luxury and pampering...
Eva
Hi Eva,
You are so lucky to have run out of work. I am drowning in
piles of the stuff at the moment. There are spreadsheets, formulae and analysis
coming from all directions. In addition, I have a missing eight hundred million
to investigate. I will explain that later. So here we go – the recent batch - I
do feel like a naughty girl sharing these – but hey ho – it isn’t like anyone
will actually know.
So here are the barrage I just received. I have also added
in my responses.
Hi Gracie,
Just sent you a message – I forgot my personal phone so only
have my works mobile with me. Can you send me your number so we can chat later.
I am really sorry to bother you with that because I should have written it
down.
I just want to mention that I like your spontaneous reactions
– another similarity we share.
And thank you for your comments on my photos. I felt and
sensed your warmth through them, it meant a lot to me. I am particularly happy
that you liked the cow-milking picture. I feel I look most at ease there. I have
to admit that I did have a look at your profile again and felt captivated by
the sense of expression in your eyes. You have such clarity in those beautiful
blue pools. They seem to match your words, insightfulness and expressive mind.
That is how I feel just by gazing at your features and feel I know so much of
you so far. Exploring the truth of who you really are and beyond would be truly
lovely. What lucky people we are to have crossed paths in life. We should be
truly thankful to have the opportunity to meet.
Andreas
Hello again Gracie,
By the way, I
do like how you think out of the box and think about social issues – most
people tend to ignore them. Imagine a world where people treated each other
with respect and kindness. Yes, I am an idealist! Andreas.
Hi Andreas, I agree. If everyone made a little effort to
treat others with respect and kindness the world would change. The way I see it
is that denial only increases the issues.
Most people remain unaware of how life will magically create
situations for you to face what you deny. We all repeat our patterns until we find ways
to resolve them within ourselves. I believe that everyone is a mirror –those
mirrors reveal the parts of ourselves that we deny. I will leave that one with
you. Gracie
Hello Gracie,
You see the world from an entirely new perspective. It is
phenomenally thought provoking indeed. As much as I am surprised by this, I
have to admit that I am in total agreement!
Personally, I have never avoided issues, albeit
controversial!
Andreas
What do you think Eva? You know what? I am a complete git! I
should not be sharing these emails with anyone. It is supposed to be private
and I would be devastated if he was showing people what I was writing to him.
Imagine if something did happen... and ten years down the line I have to tell
him that I had been discussing all our initial emails with my friend at work to
pass the day. Actually it isn’t that terrible. I am sure other women do this
too. It is just I feel like he is really opening up and I do feel that he might
be decent, even if I have discovered numerous niggling things that just don’t
add up. That is the problem with being mathematical – all the figures have to
add up!
Gracie
Hello
Gracie,
I
do not think showing me email is issue. Do you think that most email in these
corporations are business based? Do you really think that most other women in
offices are not discussing and analysing men all day? That is what we are
designed to do – sit, analyse and get it wrong!
Now
sit quietly in office and listen to typing. Fast typing is people doing
gossips. Slow typing is people writing boring business email so they do not get
into trouble. Gossiping and analysing is what keeps us sane in boring
environment. If we did not keep fingers typing we would be eating chocolate
like dreary misery next to me. We then eat too much chocolate and become big
fat things. What type of man will we attract with muffin-top landing on ankle?
Will be like big Japanese Sumo wrestler – not nice image. I feel ill at the
thought of it!
I
want to say also that you communicate with these men on different level. I
never talk like this to anyone. You are so deep but he seems to like it. Many
men are not so excited by such chatter. They just want to sit and admire well
package breast and nice lips. If I was man I would be in fright of the depth
you write. If a woman come across this clever then she have power! Let man
believe he have power! This is my learning. He must think he is in control and
think that his penis is best thing in world. He must believe it is far bigger
than any other man. He also must believe he is best lover ever and that no
other man can satisfy you like he can. Be open, be intelligent but there is
line... Careful of line... Line is what will make things change... Careful! Be
sexy not friendly. Seduce not demand! Nice not bitch!
Eva
LINKS to LOVE HUNT in Audio
LINK TO AUDIBLE FOR LOVE HUNT http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-Dating-Game-Audiobook/B015G4ICYA/ref=a_search_c4_1_4_srTtl?qid=1442567974&sr=1-4
Come on admit it - as much as we deny it - we ladies like a good love hunt.
We have tick lists, ideals, and we hunt in high-heeled packs. Of course, we're all hunting for that elusive right man who ticks every box and even has tidy nostril hair. Okay maybe not you, but you know other ladies who love the hunt.
Well, it's time for Eva and Gracie to love hunt, and their "targets" are rich men - the golden sperm. Such exciting escapades would provide the pair with entertaining discussions during their dull office hours - or so they thought. What they did not anticipate was the discovery of the "booby man"; humorous but very hard truths about wealth, themselves, power; and the RichIdiot.com phenomenon.
The question remains: can love really be hunted?
TO LISTEN - SOUND CLOUD https://soundcloud.com/ruby-allure/lovehunt1-sample
CHAPTER 1 On SOUND CLOUD http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-Dating-Game-Audiobook/B015G4ICYA/ref=a_search_c4_1_2_srTtl?qid=1442774344&sr=1-2
CHAPTER 2 ON SOUND CLOUD https://soundcloud.com/ruby-allure/02-lovehunt1-ch02
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