Richidiot.com - Dating
The LOVE game.
CHAPTER 1
Happy New Year Gracie!!!
Welcome back to Winter Wonder England. Did you like my Russian play on words?
How many glamorous blonde Russian women do you know who can play with English
language and make brilliance with their sentence? I am not showing usual
modesty because I am feeling very proud! You know I almost said welcome back to
Winter Wonder Bra but that would involve up-lift with icicle hanging from
nipple. Frozen bosom is not nice image for anyone. Erect nipples often cause
embarrassment but large icicles sticking out would draw big attention. People
would notice and do strange eye thing at each other. Of course some men would
stop and stare – as if they need any excuse!
Now I have question – the
word icicle... How does that work because you ice a cake don’t you? So would you
ice a nipple too? It sounds similar does it not? Ici-nipple. I am just thinking
out loud about strange English sayings. The English language is so fanny!
Anyway, I missed you
while you were away. Poor liar boyfriend from rich idiot site has no money and
asked me to lend him some to buy food. I can’t even pay bloody electricity
bill. Choice boyfriend’s food or electricity?
Work was boring and there
were no decent gossips. Women in office suffer from post-Christmas fattyness
and bloated bottoms get stuck in chairs. One woman went to stand up and chair
stayed firmly fixed on squidgy behind. When she sat down again there was loud –
how you say – raspberry noise. No one said anything. We all silently side-glanced
as she tried to pretend nothing had happened. I thought such incident would
make you raise a newly spa’d eyebrow!
Anyway, I want to know
about Miami and if you made a new man tick list for this year. It is time for
us to focus on finding you the right exciting man. As you say, let’s get the
Rocky music on and have you back in the ring. Forget about Andreas and his
stupid penis brain. You might have got knocked out in first round by him but
you now know how he punches – with small dick. You know his game but he does
not know yours. Oh I did small clap. I am joggling in my seat. That is new word
combination that I think should be added to dictionary. Small jog with moving
arms and wiggling on seat! Anyway you can use your dating ‘game’ knowledge to your
advantage and rise again (I looked up ‘dating game’ on web – provides very
interesting stories).
Anyway, you know we
need dating entertainment and analysis to get us through boring days. This time
of year is when gyms are filled with squidgy shaking bottoms and everyone
pretends to eat fruit but hide in toilet cubicles sneaking cake... So I need
you here doing more dating disasters. We need to discuss analyse and learn new
things about men, wealth and life! I can’t bear the bulbus bottom brigade (this
is your saying – I wrote it down). I need a distraction. Oh what fun! La, la,
laaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I made another small
clap. Three grey-knicker women in office jumped at the sound. All three chairs
went in air with their fat bottoms. This could be dangerous situation, we might
need first aider and goose fat to get them out at home time! Horrible thought –
applying goose fat to wobbly grey-knicker bottoms!
Eva.
Dear Eva, I am BACK! Oh that is so FANNY!!!! Ha! Ha! Ha! My
darling it is funny. Fanny is a lady’s undercarriage – the pleasure part. My
goodness I have missed your turn of phrase and your very special worldview. In
fact it is a few weeks since I spat my drink at a computer screen and the first
thing I did this morning was read your mail and spit my coffee. I am sure my
colleagues must be impressed. They must think it is my return from holiday
ritual!
I have never noticed wobbling bottoms at the gym but no
doubt they are going to draw my attention daily from now on. It will be like
watching jelly on a washing machine during a spin cycle. It is the time of year
where people make their gym attempts – sweat too much and realise they don’t
like turning purple in public.
Eva, I have so much to tell you and I am already smirking
about icicles sticking out bras. The funny thing is I have only been away ten
days and I have over a thousand work emails to wade through. Of course I read
yours first! I put you at the top of the priority list. I hope that makes you
feel special against the different investigations, metrics and formulae already
pursuing me. I can feel the mental asteroids circling.
Well having a break did something. I saw a new life
perspective while I ogled fit men and was massaged by one particular hotty,
which resulted in a bit of a holiday romance. This then revealed a whole world
of potential and I have now developed two lists - imagine!
So here we are - the ideal man list and The LUST LIST!!!. I
was going to call the latter the sexy sausage list but something in the word
lust combined with list sent tingles down my spine. I love lists and lust
combined... Oh another moment of inspiration just hit like lightening - The
LOVE LIST & The LUST LIST. Yey!!!!! I am yeying at the desk. Who does that?
Me apparently. Yey, yey and triple lusty lovey yey!!!!
You might ask what is the lust list? The criteria and
parameters for this list is purely for ‘play time.’ I realised on holiday that
I have been taking this dating malarchy far too seriously. The criteria are
specific; there is certainly no a hint of nasal hair on the owner of a
perfectly musculated arm! What a revelation. A woman can have a lust list in
her ‘tick list / to do book!’ Amazing or what? I never realised that lists
moved beyond work so well!
Right Eva I will have to get on with some work because that
is apparently why I come to this place (other than aggravate the crap out of my
work colleagues). Oh God, I have to wade through numerous dull emails; however,
I have the potential for loads of literary ranting today. I have so much to
tell you and my rapid typing fingers have rested over the ten days! I think I
can beat my ninety words a minute record. Steam may come from the keyboard!
And.... Well Abdi and Greg may well be curious. They were so sweet when I
returned because the team did a mini Miami wave. It is slightly different to
the Mexican wave. They all joined hands and undulated across their bodies in a
wave. Then sang ‘Yey she returned... She did ney get pale face burned. Instead
she is here with millions of emails – oh dear! Maybe we should get her a beer!’
To finish the whole celebration Greg and Abdi stood up and did a German bottom
slapping dance. It was well choreographed and quite a show! This is why I love
my team. They are nuts!
Talk soon after my numerous email endeavours!
Gracie
The above is the opening from the book below - click on the link and download:)
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