Richidiot.com - Dating
The LOVE game.
Happy New Year Gracie!!! Welcome back to Winter Wonder England. Did you like my Russian play on words? How many glamorous blonde Russian women do you know who can play with English language and make brilliance with their sentence? I am not showing usual modesty because I am feeling very proud! You know I almost said welcome back to Winter Wonder Bra but that would involve up-lift with icicle hanging from nipple. Frozen bosom is not nice image for anyone. Erect nipples often cause embarrassment but large icicles sticking out would draw big attention. People would notice and do strange eye thing at each other. Of course some men would stop and stare – as if they need any excuse!
Now I have question – the word icicle... How does that work because you ice a cake don’t you? So would you ice a nipple too? It sounds similar does it not? Ici-nipple. I am just thinking out loud about strange English sayings. The English language is so fanny!
Anyway, I missed you while you were away. Poor liar boyfriend from rich idiot site has no money and asked me to lend him some to buy food. I can’t even pay bloody electricity bill. Choice boyfriend’s food or electricity?
Work was boring and there were no decent gossips. Women in office suffer from post-Christmas fattyness and bloated bottoms get stuck in chairs. One woman went to stand up and chair stayed firmly fixed on squidgy behind. When she sat down again there was loud – how you say – raspberry noise. No one said anything. We all silently side-glanced as she tried to pretend nothing had happened. I thought such incident would make you raise a newly spa’d eyebrow!
Anyway, I want to know about Miami and if you made a new man tick list for this year. It is time for us to focus on finding you the right exciting man. As you say, let’s get the Rocky music on and have you back in the ring. Forget about Andreas and his stupid penis brain. You might have got knocked out in first round by him but you now know how he punches – with small dick. You know his game but he does not know yours. Oh I did small clap. I am joggling in my seat. That is new word combination that I think should be added to dictionary. Small jog with moving arms and wiggling on seat! Anyway you can use your dating ‘game’ knowledge to your advantage and rise again (I looked up ‘dating game’ on web – provides very interesting stories).
Anyway, you know we need dating entertainment and analysis to get us through boring days. This time of year is when gyms are filled with squidgy shaking bottoms and everyone pretends to eat fruit but hide in toilet cubicles sneaking cake... So I need you here doing more dating disasters. We need to discuss analyse and learn new things about men, wealth and life! I can’t bear the bulbus bottom brigade (this is your saying – I wrote it down). I need a distraction. Oh what fun! La, la, laaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I made another small clap. Three grey-knicker women in office jumped at the sound. All three chairs went in air with their fat bottoms. This could be dangerous situation, we might need first aider and goose fat to get them out at home time! Horrible thought – applying goose fat to wobbly grey-knicker bottoms!
Dear Eva, I am BACK! Oh that is so FANNY!!!! Ha! Ha! Ha! My darling it is funny. Fanny is a lady’s undercarriage – the pleasure part. My goodness I have missed your turn of phrase and your very special worldview. In fact it is a few weeks since I spat my drink at a computer screen and the first thing I did this morning was read your mail and spit my coffee. I am sure my colleagues must be impressed. They must think it is my return from holiday ritual!
I have never noticed wobbling bottoms at the gym but no doubt they are going to draw my attention daily from now on. It will be like watching jelly on a washing machine during a spin cycle. It is the time of year where people make their gym attempts – sweat too much and realise they don’t like turning purple in public.
Eva, I have so much to tell you and I am already smirking about icicles sticking out bras. The funny thing is I have only been away ten days and I have over a thousand work emails to wade through. Of course I read yours first! I put you at the top of the priority list. I hope that makes you feel special against the different investigations, metrics and formulae already pursuing me. I can feel the mental asteroids circling.
Well having a break did something. I saw a new life perspective while I ogled fit men and was massaged by one particular hotty, which resulted in a bit of a holiday romance. This then revealed a whole world of potential and I have now developed two lists - imagine!
So here we are - the ideal man list and The LUST LIST!!!. I was going to call the latter the sexy sausage list but something in the word lust combined with list sent tingles down my spine. I love lists and lust combined... Oh another moment of inspiration just hit like lightening - The LOVE LIST & The LUST LIST. Yey!!!!! I am yeying at the desk. Who does that? Me apparently. Yey, yey and triple lusty lovey yey!!!!
You might ask what is the lust list? The criteria and parameters for this list is purely for ‘play time.’ I realised on holiday that I have been taking this dating malarchy far too seriously. The criteria are specific; there is certainly no a hint of nasal hair on the owner of a perfectly musculated arm! What a revelation. A woman can have a lust list in her ‘tick list / to do book!’ Amazing or what? I never realised that lists moved beyond work so well!
Right Eva I will have to get on with some work because that is apparently why I come to this place (other than aggravate the crap out of my work colleagues). Oh God, I have to wade through numerous dull emails; however, I have the potential for loads of literary ranting today. I have so much to tell you and my rapid typing fingers have rested over the ten days! I think I can beat my ninety words a minute record. Steam may come from the keyboard! And.... Well Abdi and Greg may well be curious. They were so sweet when I returned because the team did a mini Miami wave. It is slightly different to the Mexican wave. They all joined hands and undulated across their bodies in a wave. Then sang ‘Yey she returned... She did ney get pale face burned. Instead she is here with millions of emails – oh dear! Maybe we should get her a beer!’ To finish the whole celebration Greg and Abdi stood up and did a German bottom slapping dance. It was well choreographed and quite a show! This is why I love my team. They are nuts!
Talk soon after my numerous email endeavours!
The above is the opening from the book below - click on the link and download:)