Can having your legs waxed wipe out the electricity in a remote Sri Lankan village?

Can having your legs waxed wipe out the electricity in a remote Sri Lankan village?

One of my great friends is convinced that I got the inspiration for one of my more recent children's books from a leg waxing experience. In fact, she announced on the train that while we were in Sri Lanka that my leg wax caused a static burst that destroyed the electricity connections across a village... She said I was 'The Hairy-Legged Mystery!'

As with all myths, this one started when I looked at my 'holiday' legs and thought they needed a wax. That afternoon, while we were travelling on  a Sri Lankan train, my friend frowned at me and said 'I think those hairy-bad-boys need a wax'. She pointed at my legs rather than any other part of my body. So after travelling across Sri Lanka by train, we came to a lovely village in the mountains. It was here we found a beauty salon that had a rather good waxing menu. So while I volunteered myself for a hair-ripping experience, my great friend negotiated a rather large gin in a giant jar. She was happy to say the least and I knew, being that she was a laughter therapist, that the bar was going to be in laughaceous uproar by the time I returned.

That evening I dubiously I crossed the road and my friend waved with a huge smirk on her face and a jar of gin in her hand. She knew I hated waxing but it was necessary. Legs that resembled cousin IT, from the Adam's family was not attractive and resulted in some terrible tan lines. What's more a hairy halo around one's legs was drawing some rather curious looks from the locals.

So there I am with two lovely Sri Lankan beauticians concealing their hairy horror. The wax was applied and Rrrrip! All the village lights went out. In complete darkness I wondered whether the hair on ones' legs could create an enormous static burst... Who was I to deny the fact that the timing was immaculate? Could one quantum hair destroy a planet? Could a hairy-legged entanglement wipe out a village electricity? 'Oh madam,' said one of the beauticians. The pair proceeded to shine their mobile torches and continued with the hair-ripping escapades.

When I was smooth-legged I returned to the bar which was lit by candles and my friend had in fact befriended at least thirty people. She was hysterical because she had been watching me lie on the beauty bench and had awaited the wax. When the lights went out with the first rip she fell about in hysterics. She said I was the only person she knew who could wipe out a remote villages' electricity with one wax strip! With that little experience in mind is it any wonder that unconsciously I wrote a book called 'The Hairy-Legged Mystery?' What is strange for me is that little event had slipped my mind because I have since experienced other rather funny events. The thing is the new cover has been sent through... And when I showed it to my friend she fell about laughing. She said that the image reminded her of Sri Lanka and how my legs looked prior to waxing.. Well we all get inspiration from somewhere! So The Hairy-Legged mystery creation myth can now be related to a remote village having a complete static burst from one pair of hairy legs!

LINK TO THE HAIRY LEGGED MYSTERY:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Kids/The-Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Audiobook/B01H2HF0XU/ref=a_search_c4_1_2_srTtl?qid=1471619538&sr=1-2

An Interview with Lisa Hicks, the voice behind The Hairy Legged Mystery!

An Interview with Lisa Hicks,  the voice behind The Hairy Legged Mystery!

This week The Hairy-Legged Mystery burst onto the audiobook market and made a hugely hairy impact. With the audio fluffaciousness reaching the masses,  I felt that the world like to know a bit more about Lisa Hicks - the voice artist and producer behind the audiobook. Lisa trained as an actor, spent several years acting on stage, in TV and film, and then became an elementary school librarian.  I guess you want to know a little bit more than that... So here are some questions that will give you a better insight.

Q: How did you get into producing audiobooks?

I love “Kid Lit”, I love reading it, I love listening to it and I love being a matchmaker – finding just the right book for each kid.  Part of my job in the library was to read aloud to the students, and they enjoyed my readings as much as I enjoyed performing books for them. 

I am also an avid audiobook listener.  I listen during car trips, while walking and while doing housework.  When a narrator “gets” the author’s voice, then has the skills to communicate that voice, it is magic and I am transported into the book in a powerful way. 

A few years ago I began to wonder if I could combine my acting training, experience with kids, love of books and technical skills to become a narrator myself.  It has been two years of a roller-coaster-learning-curve, but I am enjoying the ride! 

Q: What do you look for when choosing to work on an audio book?  

For the moment I am sticking with what I know – kids’  ‘tween and teen books, but I feel sure I will branch out with experience.   I look for books which respect the intelligence of the audience.   I will not audition for a book if I feel the author is talking down to the young reader, or manipulating a reader of any age.

Q: What are some of your funniest/ weirdest and most awkward experiences within audio production? 

Hmm…  I’m something of a newbie.  Check back with me in a couple of years ;-)

Q: What was it about The Hairy-Legged Mystery books that appealed?

I fell in love with the characters and their family life.  I wanted to be in that family where the kids love to play outside, where they think fast, take risks and back each other up.  Hats off to their working parents, who manage to give their kids space, but hang with them at bedtime too, telling wildly imaginative stories. 

Also, I should mention Ruby that your writing style makes narrating easy.  You have a natural conversational tone with realistic dialogue, which made the job of a narrating this book an absolute pleasure.

Q: What are your favourite bits of The Hairy-Legged mystery that the readers should listen out for? 

Listen for the tea-time scene in which Ben and Jenny hide the creature under the table.   While banana peels and orange skins fly, the pair try to cover the sounds and distract their parents from discovering their secret.

Q: What advice do you have for authors intending to produce audiobooks?

GO FOR IT!  The audiobook audience is growing.  There are people like me who listen while doing mindless tasks, people who are learning English and will use your book to improve their language skills, and there are brilliantly intelligent people who are dyslexic and who appreciate a good read minus the agro of decoding .  GO FOR IT!

LINK TO THE HAIRY LEGGED MYSTERY ON AUDIO:
http://www.audible.com/pd/Kids/The-Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Audiobook/B01H2HF0XU/ref=a_search_c4_1_9_srTtl?qid=1466104902&sr=1-9

Ruby Allure BOOKS ON AMAZON.COM - https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=dp_byline_sr_ebooks_1?ie=UTF8&text=Ruby+Allure&search-alias=digital-text&field-author=Ruby+Allure&sort=relevancerank

Ruby Allure BOOKS ON AUDIBLE.COM
http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_mn_mt_ano_tseft__galileo?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+Allure&x=0&y=0 

NEW RELEASE: TINGLE DINGLE AND THE LITTLE MISCHIEFS

 https://www.amazon.com/Tingle-Dingle-Little-Mischiefs-Allure-ebook/dp/B01G9C0XC2?ie=UTF8&keywords=Ruby%20Allure&qid=1465049617&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1

NEW RELEASE: THE HAIRY-LEGGED MYSTERY

https://www.amazon.com/Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Ruby-Allure-ebook/dp/B01G2C0Y9Q?ie=UTF8&qid=1465049724&ref_=sr_1_2&s=digital-text&sr=1-2

The Joy of Releasing Children's books

Share the Joy...

There are certain things in life that are a real joy and for me sitting creating random stories that make me laugh at the computer is one of them... I know... However, if you don't laugh hysterically at your own jokes then why should other people find them funny? Well that is my justification - I practice my humour on myself!

Anyway now that you all know that I can be found at a laptop laughing, I wanted to share my joy. Writing for children has to be one of the most fun things ever. First of all you can be a real kid when you write and children get the most bizarre humour. What's more, when you see their little faces light up because they love the story... Well that to me is just magical. Of course the best bit is when they actually laugh at something that you have spent ages laughing at... Phew! So today I released Tingle Dingle and The Little Mischiefs - it will be on sale tomorrow on Kindle. It is aimed at the ages 4-7. It was yet another really fun little book that was written for my friend's kiddies. These are the same people that persuaded me to release The Hairy Legged Mystery. So this week two new books have hit the market and I always find it interesting to watch the response... We will see... In the meantime, here is the first chapter. I hope you like it... This book was written to be a bedtime story...

Tingle Dingle and The Little Mischiefs.

CHAPTER 1

Tingle could not help herself as she quietly placed the huge spider on her Aunty Joanne’s plate while she was not looking. Tingle sat waiting quietly knowing that no one had noticed except for her little brother. He knew not say anything otherwise there would be trouble! There was silence in the open plan apartment while the two children waited.

They waited and waited and waited. For two minutes Tingle and Josh sat quietly watching the huge spider climb Aunty Joanne’s roast potatoes. Her aunty stopped chatting, lifted her fork and then... ‘AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,’ Aunty Joanne’s shrill scream made both Tingle and Josh cover their ears.

Aunty Joanne jumped backwards from her chair.

The chair hit a table full of ornaments. SMASH! CRASH! and BAMMMMM!

Tingle sniggered. Her mother quickly grabbed a glass and covered the spider. She then dashed to the communal garden where the spider was released into the grass.

Tingle hid her giggles behind her hand.  Josh sat picking at his peas.

Aunty Joanne frowned, ‘You did that didn’t you Tingle?’

Tingle made her best innocent little girl’s face. 

Aunty Joanne smiled to herself. ‘You think you will get away with it don’t you?’

‘Get away with what?’ Tingle replied sweetly biting the crunchy bit of a roast potato on the end of her fork.

Tingle could not help herself, if there was mischief to be had then Tingle had to be involved. Tingle was the type of little girl that had messy hair, mud on her lovely dresses and had often decorated her younger brother with lipstick on his forehead. She was nearly eight years old and neither tall or short but my goodness she could have a proper tantrum if she did not get her way.  That was Tingle all over - she had to have her own way and create mischief. What made it worse was she had to make sure that she was centre of attention.

When her mother returned from freeing the spider, she stood by the dinner table with her hands on her hips. Tingle was in trouble. She knew she was going to be punished but it was worth it!

YES I AM BOOOOOKTASTIC - BECAUSE I LOVE WRITING! YIPEE! 

My BOOKS ON AMAZON.COM - https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=dp_byline_sr_ebooks_1?ie=UTF8&text=Ruby+Allure&search-alias=digital-text&field-author=Ruby+Allure&sort=relevancerank

MY BOOKS ON AUDIBLE.COM
http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_mn_mt_ano_tseft__galileo?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+Allure&x=0&y=0 

The Hairy-Legged Mystery

The Mystery of The Hairy-legged Mystery...

Okay I admit it - when I wrote The Hairy-legged Mystery I was not expecting to publish it. I wrote it as a bit of fun to read to my friend's children. I wanted to provide a real sense of mystery for five to seven year olds... I also intended to make it a joy / amusing for my best friends to read to their little ones... They know me well and are aware I have a certain sense of humour. Of course they expected some rather random events that would make them smile. Well it seems that a book about hairy legs seems to have proven popular with the kiddies and parents -  so I put it on Kindle. To make it even more exciting an audio producer has snapped it up in the last hour to produce on audio... So something is going on with it:) Oh God - imagine after writing all my other books that I get known for a hairy-legged mystery. That is hysterical in itself!

Here is the synopsis:

One afternoon, while Ben and Jenny play in the garden, Ben notices a pair of extremely hairy legs belonging to a huge creature hiding in their hedge. Just as they investigate they are called in for tea. From that moment on the pair attempt to determine what the ‘creature’ is. During the night they watch from their bedroom window and can see the outline of a hairy shape lurking in the darkness. It had to be a monster didn’t it? What did that monster want? The whole thing was turning into a mystery. Why had the cucumber patch been destroyed? Had the creature taken the fruit bowl? Why would the prize roses be beheaded? Was the creature trying to get their attention? The whole thing had turned into a hairy legged mystery!

FIRST CHAPTER:

The Hairy-legged Mystery

By Ruby Allure

Copyright Ruby Allure 2016

All rights fall with Ruby Allure

For the ‘little dudes’ that find my random stories amusing.

Thank you for making me give this to the world!

  

CHAPTER 1

HAIRY HEDGES

What was that wriggling in the hedge?

Ben, a scruffy bean-pole of a boy aged nine, paused and picked up his ball. The sun had finally come out and the smell of damp grass and earth hung in the air. He glanced back at his little sister, Jenny, who was coated in mud. Her curly dark hair was encrusted against her face and her green eyes looked impatient as usual. She stood with her hands on her hips waiting because she wanted to play! With a Shhh! sign Ben waved her over and pointed. With a frown and a stomp she trampled over. ‘Come on!’ she said irritably. Ben made another Shhh! sign.

“What?” Jenny whispered.

With a confused look she followed his gaze and listened. There it was again, a rustling, a snorting and a gulping. What was it? “Oooop, ooop…”

The brother and sister crouched down and peered at the bracken beneath the hedge. Two very hairy legs with dark feet that looked like long sultanas stood in some mud. The pair glanced at each other.  They had never seen anything like it before.

“What is it?” mouthed Jenny.
“It’s not human,” Ben replied with a shrug. There was definitely some kind of creature close by. Had it emerged from the forest beyond their garden? Did they dare find out?

 “Tea time!” called their mother.

The pair stood up and did not know what to do. Should they tell their parents or should they find out more?
“Come on kids” said their father strolling out onto the patio. “What’s so exciting that you want to stay outside instead of have your tea?”
“Nothing!” They both replied at the same time.

Their father studied them with a certain look on his face.

“Nothing eh?” Well then you best get in for your tea. “I made Lasagne and your mother made fruit trifle.”

There was definitely something there...

LINK TO THE HAIRY-LEGGED MYSTERY on AMAZON.COM

https://www.amazon.com/Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Ruby-Allure-ebook/dp/B01G2C0Y9Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1464089906&sr=8-1&keywords=The+hairy+legged+mystery

LINK To THE HAIRY LEGGED MYSTERY ON AMAZON.CO.UK

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hairy-Legged-Mystery-Ruby-Allure-ebook/dp/B01G2C0Y9Q/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1464087002&sr=8-2&keywords=Ruby+Allure

Love Hunt II - The Love Game in Animation

 

Link to Ruby Allure books on Audible: http://www.audible.com/search/ref=a_hp_tseft?advsearchKeywords=Ruby+allure&filterby=field-keywords&x=0&y=0

 

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-Dating-Game-Audiobook/B015G4ICYA/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-1

Come on admit it - as much as we deny it - we ladies like a good love hunt.

We have tick lists, ideals, and we hunt in high-heeled packs. Of course, we're all hunting for that elusive right man who ticks every box and even has tidy nostril hair. Okay maybe not you, but you know other ladies who love the hunt.

Well, it's time for Eva and Gracie to love hunt, and their "targets" are rich men - the golden sperm. Such exciting escapades would provide the pair with entertaining discussions during their dull office hours - or so they thought. What they did not anticipate was the discovery of the "booby man"; humorous but very hard truths about wealth, themselves, power; and the RichIdiot.com phenomenon.

The question remains: can love really be hunted?

 

 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_7_srImg?qid=1448187651&sr=1-7

The Love Hunt has returned. Gracie is back on the dating horse after a huge fall in her first tick-list-tastic love hunt.

Her new dating adventures take her and Eva into the depths of "the love game".

In the meantime, Eva, the ultimate Russian gold digger, has come to the conclusion that her poor "village idiot boyfriend" will never be enough. He will certainly not pay off her accumulating debts. She needs a rich man, and that means rich idiot dating.

In The Love Game, Eva and Gracie travel the journey of extreme love learning. On the way, they will discover their love and lust lists, their intrinsic issues, and experience some hilarious and jaw-dropping dates in pursuit of the wealthy ideal.

All of this in the pursuit of love.

The Love Hunt II is on!

 

An Interview With Ray McCurdy, Audio Producer.

An Interview With Ray McCurdy, Audio Producer

 

 

At the beginning of 2015, I put The Office Zoo up for audition on ACX.com, the audio production platform. In all honesty The Office Zoo was an accidental book, one that I wrote for fun while observing office dynamics and politics. I used to take part in a weekly 'call of doom', which was an incredibly boring call. In that time I would observe a character and post it on a blog and share it with my fellow office workers. I have to admit what made the blog so popular was the brutal honesty of the observation. I wrote what others dared not to say. Well, I had to stop because the call stopped and my working life is intense. It was then fate stepped in because I ran into a colleague on a train. We were both about to go on holiday and she said to me 'I used to love your blog and reading about the bizarre characters - is there anyway you could turn it into a book? I want to get it as a Secret Santa and as leaving gifts for people who leave the office.' I had not considered that such a book would be popular but produced it anyway because I like to take opportunities when they present themselves.

Anyway fast forward to Ray's audition. I had asked for a 'voice' who could deliver a humorous dialogue and sounded like David Attenborough. Well Ray didn't just deliver, he had me crying laughing at the delivery of the Office Stinker. As soon as I heard his voice, I knew he was the 'one'. Anyway here is his interview and I hope he inspires you!

 

 

How did you get into producing audio books?
In 2014, I was the musical director, and also played one of the main characters, in a production of the musical Smoke On The Mountain.  One of the starring roles was played by my friend Rich Grimshaw who has been producing audio books for several years.  Rich and I talked about his audio book experiences and he encouraged me to give it a try.   I've always been an avid reader and I also enjoy voices and dialects.  I enjoy performing, so its a way for me to combine all these interests into one activity.  

What do you look for when choosing to work on an audio book?
When choosing a book to record, I look for something that I enjoy reading first of all.   Then, when possible, I like to find something that allows me to use different character voices or dialects.  Sometimes, I'll find something that I think is good information, like a self-help book, that someone might listen to, but not get around to reading.  So I can read it for them!

What are some of your funniest / weirdest and most awkward experiences within audio production?
The funniest times are when you read something that makes you laugh, and the laughing causes you to mess up the take somehow.  Then you have to do it over, and over, and over.  Sometimes the more you try to fix it, the worse it gets until you just have to come back to it later. 

What was it about The Office Zoo that appealed?
As I read through the audition text for the Office Zoo, I began to recognize "types" that I had encountered myself in the various offices I've worked in.  I loved Ruby's
descriptions of her observations of these wacky "animal" characters and I found myself channeling Sir David Attenborough in the Life series of nature documentaries.   That's where the accent came from that I used when reading the book.

 

What are your favourite bits of The Office Zoo that the readers should listen out for?
My favorite is the "Office Take All The Credit".  There is great satisfaction when he / she gets what they deserve!  I also identify with the Freaky But Definately Geeky as (there is one sitting close to me right now!).     

Readers should listen out for the insufferable "Office Maternal / Broody / God She Wants To Get Pregnant" and the accompanying "Office - I Did It! I Got Pregnant - I Am Going To Be A Mom!".  Sadly, everyone knows this person and Ruby says what we've all wanted to say but didn't.  That's what I like most about this book.  It gives hilarious voice to all those things we WANTED to say, but were pretending to be polite enough not to say. 

To hear Ray's sample on audible: http://www.audible.com/pd/Comedy/The-Office-Zoo-Audiobook/B013H90AZU/ref=a_search_c4_1_4_srTtl?qid=1448708535&sr=1-4

 

If you were an office animal, what would you be? Erm...what do you mean an office animal? Well you may not know this, but there are numerous varieties of office animal migrating to the workplace each day. Every type, with its own characteristics, is awaiting discovery in The Office Zoo. All of those who enter the office jungle on a daily basis have potential for office animal categorizing adventure. Whether we like it or not, each of us falls into one of the many office zoo categories. So which one are you? Which office animals surround you?

 

The paperback on Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/B00H7MRV5G

   

Alex  : "Read this. Share it. Discuss it with your friends."   -    

I’ll try to write this without spoilers or going too long winded, but the basic gist of this review is: If you are a fan of humour with a generous helping of wit and you’ve ever worked in an office, you will like listening to this!

Boy, it’s a jungle out there. If only there was a field guide with the helpful hints, tips, and ‘general don’t get yourself eaten accidentally’ advice that could help us navigate it all…well this might just be it! Office zoo reads like a Nat Geo guide or a safari special, but on the study of a species of 'animals' that you don't need to travel outside of your city to see in their natural habitat (yay!).

The book reads from point of view of an explorer, which added to the experience and immersion into the guide. The author’s tone was to me perfect for the subject matter. It took me a moment to get used to the narrator’s voice, but once I settled in I realized it was actually a good choice. The narrator reminded me so much of animal nature guide narrators, and that definitely put my brain right in the action, and I had no trouble visualizing the office beings that the author was so helpfully describing.

Despite it being in the humour category, there were quite a number of valuable lessons presented, albeit some slightly over emphasized - the better for us to recognize and work to correct them. If only all company welcome packages included certain snippets of this with the avalanche of company policies - if not only to show that humour is not dead in the office world, but so that people would have a much more enjoyable (and more memorable) reminder to be aware of how they engage with others in the office. We spend so much of our lives in offices (unless you are an actual safari guide, professional base jumper, or something equally office-free), a guide is definitely needed.

There are some characters that were rather harshly covered, but these are made in ‘lemme tell it to you straight’ tone, so it fit with the narrative of the book. Near the end of the book a few of the character’s seemed repeated, or at least very similar to those described in the beginning of the book (granted a I listened to the whole book in one shot, so it may be better to listen to the chapters in segments).There was a weird thing with the recording on my device where all of a sudden it sounded like the narrator teleported to an echo-y tunnel right in the middle of a chapter. I got over it, but it is jarring.

I went into this book expecting to be entertained. I was. But it also got me thinking about my everyday environment in a different way. A humorous take on office culture and a well spent afternoon! I will look up the author’s other work.

 

Well we just have two more posts left - Love Hunt 2 Day number 5 of 7

LOVE HUNT DAY 5 of 7

Hello Gracie,

I have no time to write big email because boss is being bitch. She has given me more work because I hit one hundred payments. The wobbly bottom women are chatting about new year diets while I make rapid payments. Why is this fair? I work too hard for no reward. Thank you for telling me about the word fanny. Now I have big understanding why the managing director started coughing when I said ‘I was so fanny in a meeting the other day’. He didn’t know where to look so he stared at my chest which was perfectly arranged.

 

Also I have seen Abdi, he gave me a strange look and winked like he was some kind of Men’s health model. He seems to be spending more time by the drinks machine looking at women. So he will have plenty to admire around your office. What about you? What do you have to look at?

Eva

 

Oh Eva,

In terms of office talent, from my point of view I have had a glance around the office and there are two potential office sexual fantasies but nothing of any really exciting kind. I would love to watch a male hotty-totty walk in slow motion through the office to break up my metric calculations. Or one of those well-formed bottoms to draw my attention. Nothing like that here at the moment. Rubbish! In the meantime, the office pervert has developed his drooling technique and the office bore has moved desks. I will have to time my toilet visits to avoid monotonous stories about beavers or badgers. My worst moment was when he accosted me by the drinks machine and detailed the mating cycle of the Salmon. It was hideous, people in the area were shaking with laughter as I attempted to make every excuse to escape... God this is going to be difficult – having to run the gauntlet between the perv, the bore and detouring past the two office sexual fantasies. Amazing... Do you think it would be weird to bring a pole vault to work?

Will talk later... New Year, New Life and a New Phase of discussion... I feel exhilarated and ready... Bring it on!

Gracie.

 

Hello again Gracie,

Sorry it is end of day but payments must be made – boo! That is why I am here. Some of the work girls are circling me to see why I smile at computer. Not a good thing. They know that I type fast on daily basis. I think my emails are being watched... Do I sound paranoid?

 

In truth, I do not think pole vault could be sneaked past security. Unless you pole vault security while back is turned. Imagine having huge pole under your arm as you walk through the security turnstile. How do you explain? You could say it is after work hobby or activity.

 

Now I have big question: I have to know what is happening with Andreas. Have you heard from him or anymore men from the how you now call it  ‘wealthy wally website?’ You said you had something to tell me when I saw you by drinks machine. Thought it sounded good. Sorry I could not talk for long, my manager has been timing me at drinks machine and toilet visit. She has told me to stop doing extra make-up while in there. Personally I think it is jealousy. They don’t want me to look good to stop men admiring me. Tomorrow I will wear ultimate uplift bra to make a point. Won’t wear make-up but will decorate room with other assets! Then see what they say! Post-Christmas decoration.

Have to catch the bus now... Close to five!

Night!

Eva.



To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

The paperback on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Hunt-II-Richidiot-com-dating/dp/1517542316/ref=la_B00M9Y4GAA_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447096640&sr=1-3

  

Yep - You asked for even more! Love Hunt day 3

To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

 

Love Hunt II - The LOVE GAME 

 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Gracie!!!!!!!! I am so happy and feel so alive. A lust list!! Is beautiful this lust list! Something new, how you say – a novelty! I feel so excited! My feelings make my feet tap under the desk. We have so much to discuss and play with. We both have dating double life. It is a true double life with dates, rich men and now hot men too. This is even better than I could imagine. By day we dabble (I like this word) in dullness and by night we have lust lists. I need to write a lust list just to say I have written one.

 

I had to stop typing because one of the girls came over and peered at me. She noticed my leg, how you say juddering, and asked what was going on. My eyes went wide and I said, ‘I just made one hundred payments!’ My voice was high and filled with great joy. She did not believe me because she rolled her eyes but I know she is scouting for gossip. The other women glanced at me before they sent her over. She has the smallest bottom so had no issue leaving the chair. If they had any clue about our double lives then I would be centre of all the gossips. I probably am their gossip focus already because my knickers remain fresh and white because boyfriend keeps buying and buying. ‘Here darling another lace thong.’

‘Thank you your thong buying highness!’ It seems lace thongs have been bought as priority over food. A decorated Russian bottom paraded rather than buy a decent meal? Men always amaze me in the order that their brains work. Sex, food, sleep. Simple. Dick, stomach, rest.

 

Oh dear the women all type fast and watch me. Bloody, bloody hell! How terrible... Grey-knicker wobbly bottom women watching my every move, they are all discussing whether there is gossip. War of the over washed-knicker worlds! This is like gossip vultures all waiting and watching from the tree. I am innocent animal that they wait to swoop on when I have moment of weakness. I will fend them off with lust list written neatly on ‘To do list book’. You know when I look at these women I feel sorry because I bet they have not felt desire or passion for years. Flannel pyjamas and giant underwear keeps their men in sheds playing and away from them! No wonder men invest in model train sets and small gadgets... What else can they play with other than dick?

 

Right lust list time... I have to make payments now and try to get to one hundred before they check on me... Bloody! Bloody! Bloody! Oh and Siberian village send regards. They said they are looking forward to next dating instalment. They were very sad about Andreas and his Christmas Eve cocktail sausage slipping in direction of other woman. Shame he did not slip on own sausage and squash it! Sooooo is it time for LOVE HUNT? Love hunt!!! Love hunt!!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Huuuuunt!!!! I am singing.

Eva.

 

 

Hello Eva,

I am between calculations at the moment. I thought I would rapid type just a quick elaboration on what I realised about my relationship approach while I was away. It seems I have been seeking out a man for a long-term relationship based on all the things I ‘should’ want. Do I really want them? Where did I get these ‘shoulds’ from? Then I realised that we are all set Hollywood criteria and fairytale ‘Happy Ever Afters’. Why? I have a sneaky feeling it is to do with the fact that it controls society. People stay in shyte relationships for economic reasons and fear of being alone. Also women don’t want to be the source of scathing gossip from fat, bitchy women whose husbands gain more pleasure playing with a small train than having passionate intimacy with them. Dark eh? All these comments about single people having something wrong with them. All this bitchiness about how they spend so much time on how they look and what do we see from the other side of the single coin? People who have become complacent of the person they fell in love with. Where there was once passion, now there is child vomit and flannel pyjamas. No wonder they resort to gossip. I hope I never take for-granted any man that I fall passionately in love with.

 

I came to the conclusion that lust is beautiful because it takes you into the body and drives you towards desire. Why are we made to feel guilty about natural instinct? Passion comes from somewhere – it is life force and there are times when a woman simply needs a bloody good snog and a pair of pectoral perfectus to caress. They will often belong to a younger man who is not nasally hair challenged like the older ones... Some people might say this is a bit ‘cougar’ yet while I was laying on a sun lounger being massaged by a rather attractive young man – it dawned on me. Who said it was right that stinky, hairy men with cash had the right to date young totty because they have wealth? Why do people sneer at women with younger men when those younger men are searching for learning and understanding on how to truly love and honour a woman’s body? Who is there to teach men properly about how to respect and truly pleasure a woman’s body? How many of them actually know it takes around twenty minutes to bring a woman to a heightened sexual state and there we are Boom – a blown out sausage wonder in less than a quarter of that time! Amazing. Someone needs to get porn off the internet and provide proper learning to both sexes about the pleasure of the body rather than diagrams of where to shove a tampon given by a female teacher with a moustache!

 

In the meantime, some clever nostril-hair-clad rich old bloke got all the old boys together and got them to ‘cash in’ on the stupid idea of female beauty exchange for old fart finance. ‘Let’s persuade women to tolerate all our dull unfulfilling chatter and arthritis because we can pay for a decent meal. ‘We will set the rules because we pay and they will admire us! It is fair exchange chaps! Tally-ho!’

 

I thought about the rich idiots I dated who believed they had power over me because they had money. I explained to each of them that I assumed that wealthy men would be of high intelligence and provide great insight. I did not need their money because I have money so there is no power dynamic, so why do I have to play by these shyte rules? I am sure that impressed them.

 

So I came to the conclusion during the massage that for a woman to truly be herself she must love herself completely and not allow herself to tolerate that which does not make her heart shine and glow. She needs to connect to her true femininity and embody it. I was reading a book about embodying the sacred feminine along with another book about ignoring fairytales. It then got me thinking about how we are fed fairytales of wealthy princes. Clever isn’t it? Persuasion from the beginning to be saved by a rich prince. If this does not happen then you fail. Earn your love by being beautiful. In the meantime, someone with a persuasive voice advised women ‘you know you can get really nice shoes if you tolerate an old man because he can buy you stuff. Both sides were benefitted – nice shoes in exchange for rancid nostril hair tolerance. And so the dynamic continues – the old financial fart exchange. Both parties know the financial fart exchange stinks but both ignore the smell because money is involved! All these ideals make me go - Grrrr!!!! Rant. Rant. Rant!

 

 

While I was by the pool, I watched a prunesque old bloke with white chest hair and leopard skin trunks flaunt his bustily-modified girlfriend who was definitely twenty years his junior. She strutted while he surreptitiously passed wind. He had no control. It was so weird when he was doing breast-stroke in the pool and a trail of bubbles rose to the surface with every kick. The air was filled with the aroma of intestinal sulphur. And she had to put up with that in exchange for cash and body modification. She was his status symbol and he was her income. Errch... I just realised ‘in come’ there we are – there is the fluid financial exchange!

 

I will send you the LUST list shortly... I have realised something big. It seems that youth is exchanged as a commodity. What a superficial world. Does no-one truly know how to love in the deepest sense? What has become of the value of maturity and wisdom? I realise that I am superficial in some ways; although I have been out with people sixteen years my senior and ten years my junior. I love the insight from the ones who were actual gentleman and the advanced conversations. The unfortunate truth is that I am too energetic for them and they often nod off before anything amorous takes place. The younger chaps are fun and full of energy and you can do lots of activities but lack the maturity to provide insight. Where is the happy medium without the baggage? After all of this reading and massaging I realised I like being single and having freedom. This whole dating lark is an adventure really. It provides a great deal of learning about others and myself.

Gracie.

To be continued....


To Listen on audio:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Love-Hunt-II-The-Love-Game-Audiobook/B0176Z9Y08/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1447097231&sr=1-1

The paperback on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Hunt-II-Richidiot-com-dating/dp/1517542316/ref=la_B00M9Y4GAA_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447096640&sr=1-3