Who here likes to have their life in order? Who likes to know what is happening and live in a routine? Who here likes to feel safe? So what happens when all your safety lines are removed and you have to live each day and not know what is coming next? So how do you do you deal with uncertainty?
I asked the 'uncertain' question to a variety of friends of different backgrounds. Their answers were fascinating because many of them are late thirties and mid-forties and there were common themes amongst them. Those in their mid-forties were more likely to say you have to trust and let things pan out. Those in their thirties were less relaxed and said they get anxious and frustrated. Some had been given medication to alleviate the nervousness. After having a few conversations about the subject, I had a lovely moment of serendipity where this quote arrived:
Depression comes from living in the past.
Anxiety comes from living in the future.
Peace comes from living in the now.
I had not thought about life in that way; however, I realised that the only day guaranteed is today. I had spent so much time planning for the future and that future never quite turned out how I expected. If peace resides in the now then you can only really live your optimum now. So that question made me think then what is it I want to feel in a day? What is it I want to experience? It is questions like these that lead you into a warren of thoughts and ideals and then I realised - it was simple...
I want to experience Joy, Happiness, Fun and Love.
So rather than go out onto the streets and happy-hug random people, I took to meditating on these feelings in the morning. Try asking yourself what does it truly feel like to feel joy and allow yourself to feel it. This little revelation came from a network spinal analysis practitioner who I was on holiday with recently. She literally said try just feeling the emotions you wish to feel. They are all just sitting inside.
So back to the uncertainty... How does this relate? Uncertainty is life, that is a fact. We are under the impression that life is under our command; however, I have certainly learned lately that life has its own little plan which seems to be a little different from my own. The more I try to control and make it what I think it should be, the more life prizes my fingers from what I cling to and throws me into free-fall. So with that in mind, maybe the lesson is learning to embrace uncertainty. In Indiana Jones there is a bridge of faith. As he steps forward the bridge forms itself. He had to trust that he was not going to descend into a huge ravine. To embrace uncertainty one has to trust, allow and enjoy the present moment. That way you become open to all opportunities and intuition. What a lovely learning from someone who always wanted things in order...
How much do you want it? That dream, that desire or that perfect job? What are you willing to do to put yourself on the line to get it? The reason I ask this is because a great friend came to visit me this week. She is a network spinal analysis chiropractor and at the age of thirty she has three full practices with a waiting list of three weeks for people to see her. As usual I am curious about people's approaches to life and I asked her what she considered made her so successful. Since she is rather humble, she was a little shy in her response; however, this is what she said:
You have to ask yourself how much you want that dream, that job, that ideal.
She then said you ask yourself how much work are you willing to do to achieve that goal.
What is the breaking point? The point where you say I have done my best and now it is time to walk away. When you know all that then you go for it full steam. Live fearlessly and jump right in.'
Finally she said a question she asks herself every day: 'how can I give more value with what I am doing.'
She then thoughtfully mentioned, 'the more value I give then the more I see the world around me transform. When I started out I had no patients and an empty practice. No one knew about me, however, I was determined to give every patient the best I could give in terms of network spinal analysis and in terms of life contribution. Something in this opened the world to me and I was recommended and word of mouth went around. I guess the passion I have for what I do combined with an authentic desire to be the catalyst to help people to wellness is the key.'
The woman is phenomenal and a truly great person. Of course this got me thinking about how much must we want something to jump the obstacles and stare that dream in the face when everything around us collapses. There have been times with the writing where I literally was like 'I can't do this anymore.' yet something compelled me to continue. I was discussing the fact that I had had hundreds of rejection letters over ten years with an audio-producer who recently produced The Hairy-Legged Mystery. She asked me what made me keep going. 'I was compelled to,' was my honest answer. After listening to my friend I came to the conclusion that the entrepreneur in me was called to action. I certainly wanted writing success and the entrepreneur decided to find other ways to put my work out in the world. In a time where there are so many digital options I came to the conclusion that yes you have to want that dream. You also have to be open to new and different ways to achieve that dream. There are so many people with knowledge who have already succeeded who you can ask and there is plenty of opportunity. It is through asking other people and enlisting their skills that my writing earned an income. It took around twelve years of constant persistence and plenty of failures to arrive at a place where it all slotted into place. Books sell by themselves and one gives value by sharing insights. Sometimes, and we have all been there, when you want to say 'I am done' - that is when you learn how much you really want that dream. So may people reach that point and make a decision and say 'one last try.' That last try is what often delivers success because when you look back you realise how much you really wanted it.
Imagine being locked out of your house and in an attempt to get in you end up jammed in your toilet window with your legs dangling outside. Now imagine the fire brigade being called to extract you from that precarious situation. Well this is what happened to a colleague of mine. What made it worse was she was carrying weight which resulted in her being well and truly squished. As a solution the firemen extracted the whole window rather than coat her in goose fat. The poor woman ended up bruised around her middle not to mention the emotional bruising from feeling so humiliated. What made it worse was this whole fire team were hot. So there she was with dangling legs, a skirt and huge knickers. It is at times like that I wonder whether the universe is having a bit of a joke or clearly demonstrating the feeling of being completely stuck.
The thing is this lady realised that not only had she been stuck in her toilet window she also felt stuck in life. It was then she realised she had to do something. She had not realised how unhappy she was until she was jammed peering precariously down her toilet for a couple of hours until the firemen arrived. It was as if she was experiencing her inner stuckness externally. She then decided she needed to find a solution to stuckness. A series of events resulted in her taking a breathing workshop. The breathing was called Somatic Resonance Integration breathing. This style of breathing makes you relax into your body and find areas that feel stuck. You then focus on that area and breath into it. When the whole area is expanded you then say aloud that you feel stuck. 'I feel stuck.' Simple eh? Well the physical response that comes from this is astounding. Some people growl others scream and others simply shake... Then once you have done that you repeat the breath which is mouth mouth breathing until the area is filled again and repeat 'I feel stuck,' you do this until the area is cleared. You may wonder how this affects your life. Well often we feel stuck externally and this is represented within us internally. So when we enter our internal world and remove the areas of stuckness and allow the energy to flow then we shift our perceptions and that shift changes our external experience.
So why do I write this? Well I am a little stuck at the moment with one of the books I am writing. I have about five thousand words to go and it is quite a difficult part to write. It involves writing about shadows and darkness. In all truth I would rather not go there. So maybe that is why I am writing this blog - another little procrastination! My house is also suggesting that it needs to be cleaned too! Ha. Writer's block / stuckness is such an interesting thing. It is like a mental constipation where only when you relax and don't force then it can flow. The thing is I put a deadline on the completion of this book and I have realised for me that creativity can't be controlled. It is like trying to catch a chicken. The more I try and chase the blooming idea chickens the more the creative creature slips my grasp. So using my paddleboard method - I have chosen to relax into it and 'sit and give it a try...' There are no demands, there are no controls I simply shift my mind into enjoying the process rather than racing along. One paddle at a time, or in writing- one sentence at a time... That is the only way I can succeed.
For those who are now interested in the SRI breathing, this is part of a Chiropratic method called Network Spinal Analysis. It is something that I used to clear and calm my nervous system. It is also something that enabled me to cope with a very stressful job and enabled me to remain focused. Anyway, after reminding myself of the SRI stuckness exercise, I am now back into writing free-flow and will be completing my new book. If you feel stuck it might be worth giving the breathing technique a try and see what happens!
This is the 2nd story by this author I have read and I love it. Will eagerly seek more by her. The story was captivating, mystical magical and entertaining. The parental
Bed time stories and deceptions of the various monsters and creatures of fantasy keep you guessing as to what it is. The reveal is more magical for the build up and Even more amazing than described. Loved it and highly recommend it for kids and adults alike. Good luck figuring it out. I received this audiobook from the author narrator or publisher for free via audiobookboom in exchange for an unbiased review
Are you experiencing the scattered syndrome? It seems to be typical of modern day society where placing plates on sticks and spinning them has been surpassed by being involved in this act whilst walking on a tight-rope and playing a one man band. The thing is we all have a certain amount of mental capacity and if you look at your mental focus like a torch beam, we are constantly swishing it in all directions all of the time. Is it any wonder that people feel fragmented and drained because there is no opportunity to focus that light on one thing to take in the details and do it properly?
You may wonder why I am talking about this, well this week I completed the edit of The Ocean Callings audio book, wrote a children's book and worked full time in my corporate job, attended yoga, went to the gym on a daily basis and slept. Someone asked how I managed to do it all? Well it was purely down to concentrated focus. I focus on thing at a time and do it until complete. My corporation does not particularly enjoy the fact that I maintain this ethos; however, I have noticed that the fragmented states people are in result in shoddy work and doing things twice. It is like buy cheap buy twice. Do a crap job then do it three times. The truth is to achieve anything worthwhile one needs to focus. It can be playing with children, doing a sport or writing a book. There is no point being half-present because the results will be rubbish. This ties in with mindfulness too, it is about presence and being in the moment - being there fully. In addition to this, I want to point out that being busy all of the time spinning plates and proverbially playing a one man band whilst absailing down a building does not allow space for problem solving. Have you noticed the time when you come up with the best solution is when you are quiet and relaxed? When I was on a course people shared where they had their best ideas: when they woke up in the morning, in the shower, in the bath or when doing a repetitive exercise. These are the times when your conscious thought relaxes and allows the superior unconscious to solve it. So this Scattered Sydrome is no good for anything. It is worth applying concentrated focus and absolute presence whilst doing anything you are passionate about because then my friends you will find that you produce something far more worthy and of value because you have truly shone your light up in it!
You can find my books at the following link: Ruby Allure books on Audible:
The quickest way to lead yourself into dissatisfaction is to make comparison. If you think about it, all of us are unique and not one of us is the same so what is the point of making comparison?
One of my friends is working on her ‘grudges’ against people who have more than her. It has been an interesting insight into how she sees things. It seems that what makes her angry is those people who have miraculously large amounts of money arrive in their bank accounts as if by magic. Or people that get free luxury holidays. Obviously from the outside it is relatively amusing watching someone go red in the face over the fact that a friend has been given a free luxury holiday in Australia or Dubai; however, it did get me thinking. Why can’t people be happy for other people’s good? What is the point of jealousy? All of it is a waste of time and energy. When you are throwing yourself into aggravation over someone else’s good then you are not working on your own. I shared this with my friend and asked whether she could compare a bamboo to an oak or a tulip to a rose. She seemed bemused at first and then she realised what I was saying. There is no comparison; what’s more, there will always be someone richer, prettier, fitter, stronger, cleverer – so why are you comparing to them? You are unique and you have your own things that people are comparing to.
For me dissatisfaction is a sad experience, one that I have been working on for a while. It is learning what is it that makes a person feel dissatisfied and why? I realised I was causing my own dissatisfaction by comparing myself to some of the literary greats or the world’s most successful people (quite clearly I may have aspirations of grandeur) and through doing this I was ensuring that I felt bad. The thing is have you noticed that one is more likely to compare to people who have more than you rather than those who have less? Those who have less would be more than grateful for what you have? So how I combatted the comparison / dissatisfaction issue was to really focus on my stuff and when I caught that little voice in my head making comparison, I watched what it was saying and asked myself where the voice had originated. It is fascinating what the inner commentary tells you and what it drives you to do. It is almost manipulative ‘you will only be good enough when…’ 'If you do so and so... have so and so... then life will be so much better.' Then the next chase begins...
So why compare? comparison was necessary in primal times to establish your hierarchy within a tribe. Maybe that is why we still do it. The thing is I do not intend to spend my life in a state of dissatisfaction that I have created for myself through comparison. The root cause of the dissatisfaction is comparison so therefore by not comparing and focusing on what you have and what you have achieved then you will experience satisfaction. Give it a try and see what happens.
You can find my books at the following link: Ruby Allure books on Audible:
Has anyone else had that 'Oh my God it's February already' moment? Well I and a few of my friends have. It seems that 2016 is racing away and so many people I know are experiencing a similar feeling in life. They have usually known what they want to do or where they want to go but not this time. For this reason, and my need to reflect and re-evaluate, I took a week and a half off work. Over the last few days I have had some holiday time, friends time and me time. It was brilliant, yet when I talked to people about the fact I was taking time to think about what I want to do in the coming years and decades they all responded with the same thing. 'For the first time ever, I don't know where I am going.' Obviously this got me thinking. That tied in with reading The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. The question becomes do we have to know what we want to do or where we want to go? According to Michael life knows best and when you surrender life takes its natural course. When I say natural course, one does not sit waiting for things to happen, instead one dances with life. You notice the clues, you follow your inner desire to do something or learn something or even go somewhere. In a way you work symbiotically with life rather than saying 'hey life - here are the keys to my car - you drive'. It is more of a case of right 'we are in the car, where do you want to go and what do you need me to do?' Personally I like this idea, it does not mean that you hand over your power but it does stop a person controlling and forcing life. One of my friend's great sayings is row with the river rather than against it. I don't know about you, but the times I rowed against the river resulted in my biggest struggles in life. It wasn't fun and life kindly evicted me from all that did not suit me by making me redundant, removing my relationship and breaking my car - all in a day. Thank you life.
So today, and don't think I am bragging, I spent the day at a spa. I have a spa jar and put a twenty in each week for reward and luxuriating. This is the reward for completing my Ocean Callings book on audio. Anyway, as life would have it I ended up meeting some rather interesting people at the spa. It always happens and they always have a story to tell. So I mentioned the fact I was being reflective and not knowing which direction to travel in on my fresh new journey and each had some advice because all had shifted their direction.
The first lady said she knew it was time for a change when she sat at her desk and felt taken forgranted. All her passion drained out of her and in that moment she decided to re-train. She now runs her own business as a holistic healer. Lovely lady with a real spark in her eye. She said when the passion dies take it as a sign!
The second lady I talked to had worked in the shipping industry and she loved it yet she reached a plateau and did not know her way forwards. She sat at her desk and felt her passion had gone (notice the common theme) it was then she said to herself I can't do this anymore. Within a month she had handed in her notice. Three years later she is a top dog breeder and shows her dogs at Crufts dog show. She said she is the happiest she has ever been. She said the trigger point for her was when she did not know her way forward. She just had to wait until the curtain was drawn back to reveal where she was going.
The third lady also worked in corporate. She had that sense of malaise and boredom. She just kept going until she had her end of year appraisal and again she was triggered by not being valued. After twenty one years of giving it her all she was taken for granted. She was graded low, even though she had achieved great things. So when she was given her compensation review she was shocked by how little they valued her work. Please note that in her working environment she gauged how well she did by how much bonus and pay rise she received. To say that it was next to nothing was an understatement; however, the office arse-licker, who took credit for other peoples work, received five times her bonus. What made it worse was he had used her work to get that bonus... Fair? Rage? Really? So this lady handed in her notice and guess what happened? The corporation tried not to pay her miniscule bonus. That is after twenty one years of working for the institution. She had to revoke her resignation to get the money and then re-submit it. This, as I said before, was after dedicating twenty one years of her life to a company. So she is now retired, retrained as a proof reader and is doing what she loves: proof reading.
So my little rest and reflection provided some great insights. After this I had a rest and day dreamed. In that time seven new book ideas emerged into my consciousness. I have to say I am so excited and can feel the passion flowing once again. What's more, I have just completed the draft on my recent book about Money. It is so satisfying to know that you can contribute something to the world rather than take from it. I hope the above has given you some insight. Also, as I like to share writing prompts, there are a few below that may inspire you to get in touch with your unconscious.
Use the prompt and write and write until you can't write anymore.
In the next year I would love to....
In the next year I intend to work as...
In the next year I intend to make the following changes...
You can find my books at the following link: Ruby Allure books on Audible:
