Money, Sex & Financial Conflicts

Money, sex and financial conflicts.

 

Money is more important than sex in a relationship? I have to be honest, that was a horrifying revelation that I discovered whilst researching this blog. It seems that sexual technique can be adjusted and discussed more easily than finances. So why is there such an issue with partners discussing money? There is a level of shame and vulnerability associated with how much money we have and how we value ourselves. In our society our value is often placed on how much money we have in the bank. If you are in debt does that mean you are worthless? If your partner earns more money than you then does that mean they are worth more?

  

Another interesting finding was that quite often how we handle our finances directly relates to how we handle our emotions too. The stingy miser is likely to hold onto emotions in the same way as they spend money. The financially generous and expressive often replicate the same emotional behaviour. So what happens when we partner these two together? Well it seems that it won’t last. The miser will develop resentment to the financially gregarious.
 

How we handle money and what we believe about money comes from our upbringing and background. If your parents struggled with money while you were a child then it is likely that you will do what you can to save to feel safe. If money was never an issue then financial flippancy might be the call of the day and you may well see money simply as a flow. We have all established habits and financial techniques over our life time and it is only when we enter relationships that we become aware of how some people work in a very different wealth management ways.

Another interesting finding is how money affects the power dynamic of a relationship. One partner may want to control how much money is spent whilst the other wants to be free to enjoy money. This is when secret accounts and monetary stashing begins. Financial affairs result in monetary mis-truths and secrecy. This is where an underlying trust issue can raise its ugly head. Financial conversations and understanding early in relationships contribute to the longevity of relationships. How much do you really know about what is financially important to your partner? How do you both prioritise your money? Is it more important to have things now or save? Is that flashy car more important than a reserve in the bank for a rainy day? If so do you feel financially robbed or financially vulnerable? Remember that not everyone appears to be what they say they are? An ex-partner of mine appeared to be financially abundant yet after a few conversations and a gut feeling, I discovered that he was over 600k in debt. For me that was horrifying; however, he was a risk taker and made back the money within a couple of years. His attitude to money was that it was something to play with. Mine was that money provides stability and security. Neither were right, they were just attitudes.

The money and relationship facts have intrigued me and you may well find these interesting too.  The higher the salary of a man in a relationship the more likely the relationship will last. Although if the individual falls on financial hardship it is likely that the relationship will dissolve in a year. Men with higher wages have a lower divorce rate than lower earners. On the counterbalance – the higher a woman’s wage is in comparison to her partner’s then the more likely they will divorce. For some reason the disparity of a woman who earns more creates relationship issues.

Do you have any advice on money in relationships? If so please comment below…

 

LINK TO MONEY FARM AUDIO: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B010BJOYFQ

Money and Your Value as a Human Being...

What inanimate object can determine your life decisions, your attitude to yourself and how you relate to others? What object can evoke, fear, worry and a sense of feeling controlled?

 

 

 

Answer: Money.

If you think about it most of our life's decisions are based on the Money concept. Can we do this or that because we have the money? Do we have a enough money to buy the house, the clothes, pay the bills or the buy the car? The unfortunate truth is the money concept carries a value and that value merges with your 'self.' Money correlates to freedom and experience. Consider this - what if money were shells. Would you care how many shells were sitting in a pile? Would you work yourself to the extreme to accumulate a shell? Would you desperately need to show off your shells to others? When you shift the object of value then you realise how ridiculous the illusion is that we have been persuaded with. Yes money makes the world go round but that is because we believe that is so.

 

With the above in mind: If money is how you value yourself then how can you value yourself more without money as the gauge? How can you demonstrate your true value to yourself? What makes you feel rich inside? Well these are some questions that have crossed my mind since writing Money Farm and having it turned into an audio book by the brilliant Helen Lloyd. The thing that I have realised is that so many people often feel that their  intrinsic value is directly proportionate to how much money is sitting in their bank account. Those that are in debt often experience a sense of financial shame. They feel worthless because they are stuck in financial ruts that they can see no way out of. When I was researching the debt figures related to Money Farm I heard the expression 'Nillionaire' - someone who has little or no money. That expression, albeit amusing, made me think of how many Nillionaires there are in the world. Can you imagine someone saying that person over there is a Nillionaire? How many would be proud of that title instead the tar of shame would be coated upon them.

Whilst writing Money Farm I looked at other systems of exchange and it dawned on me, in times gone past, when we had to eat we went out to hunt. We caught food and ate it - we cut out the 'money' as a middle man. When we needed other forms of food we traded. Values were applied to grain, cloth and other goods. I wondered how the world would exist without actual money and looked at alternative spheres of exchange and how values were applied. It was all so fascinating yet the truth is culture and civilisation need an exchange mechanism. We can't all take to the forests and hunt or forage. The truth is we need that exchange concept, although that exchange mechanism does not need to be intrinsic to the person. Money is not the extension of self, instead, it is simply a tool that can be invested, accumulated or spent. Once emotion and attachment is removed from the financial equation then there is a sense of liberation. Once you stop being your money and your money stops being you then that is where the fun begins. I am not saying stop earning money, what I am saying is that you are more than your money. You are a phenomenal person existing in time and space. I am sure that if you asked your soul what you were worth then it would not determine it in terms of money.


With that in mind, I will ask the question: how you can you value yourself without having money as a device for your self value? How can you demonstrate your own vast value to yourself without applying the concept of money? Finally how can you feel rich inside so that is shines into the world?
Enjoy:)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B010BJOYFQ