How Close are you to Burn Out?

How close are you to Burn Out?

One of my friends says tooth-pick, chop stick and then 5 foot plank. Why? Well what she is referring to is the signs and subtle messages that give us a clue that something is going on in our bodies. The tooth-pick is ‘a bit of a niggle’ - you notice something but you choose to ignore it because you are soooo busy. In fact, what you might do is ignore any signs until later. That is when the chop-stick makes the signs more obvious, yet still you might just keep trudging on. It might be a pain, a headache or a whole host of tension and that is when the plank smacks you in the face and forces you to stop! Flu? A Migraine? Worse?

 

I am sure that you have noticed that life is getting busier and there is more information to process in all directions. We have emails, calls, texts and deadlines blasting us from all directions and we are always expected to be available. Why is that? Why have we accepted such a precedent? So how long can a nervous system and brain maintain such intense activity without bursting into flames? The answer is different for the individual. Some people are more resilient while others simply drop to the ground when a phone rings. The point that I am trying to make is how one needs to constantly pay attention to the body and how you are feeling. You may simply numb yourself and continue like a martyr. The problem with that is you build up fatigue and that fatigue resides in your body. No matter what you do your energy levels get lower and lower until that dreaded plank hits you with an illness that will stop you leaving your bed.

So…. I am all about solutions and finding easy ways to fit wellbeing into life. So this week I went on a Transcendental meditation course with the meditation trust. I will make this clear, I am not a wafty lettuce sniffing type who wears floaty scarves and belly-dances down the street with my underwear on my head. Although that does sound fun. I might try it sometime and see how the world responds to my new found knicker-head-wear and general jiggling. Anyway, I digress, so I went on this course because my brother recommended it. My brother is a university lecturer, academic and complete rationalist. So when I saw the drop in his shoulders, the general air of relaxation and the decrease in his anxiety then I knew that type of meditation was a good thing.

 

Before I go any further, I have to mention I do meditate. However, I often wander off into a self- amused plane for 20 minutes and then realise I ended up being lulled into thought by giggling at my own jokes. What I needed was a way to stop the inner distraction and TM solved this for me by providing a specific mantra that I could use. Now I don’t know about anyone else, but I often get bored during meditation, woops – it is the truth. There are far more interesting things I could be doing. The mantra combined with the cyclic rhythm enabled me to enter into a very relaxed state. The thing is it was while in this relaxed state that I realised how fatigued I was. After each meditation I would literally pass out and sleep! I did this continually over 3 days. I also had rapid dreams which could be compared to mental Tsunamis or a mental wildebeest stampede. I was astounded. When I talked to the instructor about it he said it was quite usual for people in high powered jobs to respond that way. It was then that I realised that I had probably been close to burn out. My tooth-pick signs were general grumpiness, feelings of general negativity (I am not a negative person) and tiredness, even though I had an excellent diet, sleep well and exercise regularly. The chop-stick signs were – a sty on the eye, a tooth abscess and tension in my shoulders. Luckily I got on this course before the plank came in and smacked me one! Now I am not saying that Transcendental meditation is for everyone; however, it is a great tool to have for life. It enables you to enter deep relaxation and cope with the external stresses of the world and personally found that my energy levels have improved. I will be honest I did not go to the main Transcendental Meditation group instead I went for the Meditation Trust who are cheaper and very grounded. The point that I am trying to make here is that one needs to pay attention to the signs their body is sending them because I honestly had no clue that I was as fatigued as I was. The thing is I was fatigued to the core and there was no escaping it. It then made me think that if I am like this and I do yoga, eat well and exercise then what are other people like? If anything, I hope this article will remind you to notice the signs and find ways to truly relax until to you are forced to rest by a large piece of metaphorical wood colliding with your face.J

 

 

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The Lesson In Opposites

The lesson in polarity.

Have you noticed how many really rather strange people lurk on this planet? I have been thinking in depth about their existence and the point of them. I would also like to mention that to some people I may seem a rather random phenomenon – thinking about weirdoes and the point of their existence. Weirdo-existentialism could be a new field of behavioural theory - Weirdism.

So over the last few years, through the wonderful world of internet dating, it has been my great fortune to meet many a complete and absolute wombat. I have met liars, cheats, fantasists, men who have numerous women on the go and can ‘justify’ it through their need to ‘cultivate’ themselves. Of course I have met some wonderful men who have experience the same with the female versions who are also married, lie, fantasise and basically rip the men off. Now that we have that clear – this is a general weirdo /polarity discussion. With all this odd behaviour and justification, one can look at it in two ways – you can look at it as misfortune and become the victim. You can glance across at happy couples who blissfully gaze into each other’s eyes, who genuinely feel love and feel a hint of jealous or you can transform it to your benefit. This is where polarity came in. I only realised how much I valued truth by meeting so many people who lied. I asked whether it was my shadow and it was showing me that I lie. That was not the case; instead, it made me think about the value of honest, good people and how lucky I am to have so many in my life.

I learned about selfishness through meeting those who were self-obsessed and did not consider others. I asked whether I wanted to become that kind of person. I made the changes in me necessary.

Kindness is a beautiful virtue – how often do we appreciate that trait in others? Does it really take meeting those who are unkind to cultivate our own kindness and not treat others badly?

Respect and consideration. How much do you respect yourself? How much do you demonstrate it? Then why would you allow another to show you disrespect? The same with consideration – do you consider others to the detriment of yourself – who really considers you?

Criticism. Have you ever been out with anyone who is controlling and criticises? What right have they got to do that? Why has anyone got the right to criticise another? That was when the penny dropped – in my head I criticised others. The size of a bottom, the hair style – the combination of clothing. I never said it aloud, however, it was going on in my head. I realised I was finding fault in others to feel better about myself. It took someone criticising me to see how my mental laser-beam was focused. I focused on the fault and the negative. Did I want that to be my inner world? It took time to shift the habit and move to genuine compliments and purposely finding the good in others and in myself. Yet this shift in perspective proved to me that polarity was quite a phenomenon. Critisism->Compliment-tastic. People light up when you see the good in them and point it out. They shrivel at criticism. I am not saying do this in a false approval way. If you see something good – it is worth pointing out.

Love. This was one of the biggies for me – why would you expect someone outside yourself to love you when in actual fact are you demonstrating love to yourself. Will it really take you to hate another to understand what you really want to feel is love?

The fantasists are those who dream and do nothing about it. They talk about it, imagine it and do nothing to make what they talk about real. They share their vision or their sexual fantasy and then what? Well they talk some more, dream some more and then repeat. I realised I was a dreamer; however, my actions took my dreams into writing reality. Through meeting endless ‘talkers’ who fantasised I learned that landing your dream asteroids on earth was paramount to progress. Maybe some do not wish to progress and good on them.

Finally my biggest learning of all these interactions for me was discernment. Have you ever asked yourself the question – who do you really want in your life? What are the qualities of those people? So why tolerate the dickheads? Why do you have people in your life who drain your energy and cause you to feel bad through criticism, lies and moaning? Are we simply being nice – because they certainly aren’t! Maybe the lesson for them is ‘if you carry on like an arsehole you will end up alone – a lone arsehole’. There is no point playing martyr and tolerating their behaviour because it will only lead to resentment.

So I have now finished the drafts of my twelve books in the Richidiot.com series and to be very honest – I never ever Ever EVER want to internet date again. The thing is the dating time and the time writing the RichIdiot.com - dating series was a massive learning for me because I quite simply did not ‘get some of the guys and their behaviour.’ I realised I never would because they had different values and saw the world in a completely different way. They could justify their ‘odd behaviour’ to themselves or anyone who would listen. The lesson in discernment and learning what type of person I really wanted in my life was a major one. I then had to figure out how I could kindly remove myself from those who weren’t what I wanted.

During the few year writing the series, my life changed and so did I. I realise that through writing  RichIdiot.com I changed, my perception of life changed and through meeting numerous weirdoes that polarity was an immensely clever universal learning tool. I hope you can see that we have two ways to look at things – from shit you can grow a rose.

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