Do You Have One of These in Your Office? The Office Hypochondriac!

 

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In celebration of The Office Zoo being released on Audible, ITunes and on Audio Amazon - here is another office animal that you may well recognise. I am convinced that every office has one!

The Office Victim / Hypochondriac

This is the person who always has a problem. It may simply be an ache, a sore leg, a headache or just something to gain sympathy. This character falls into the Office Victim category. To alert you of their need for sympathy they will limp, look sad or huff loudly. There is always a drama and something to demonstrate life is unfair for them or that life short-changed them. What is interesting is how they select certain people to follow and off-load onto. Their main purpose is to gain energy/power through receiving sympathy and attention. They are like human-energy leaches. Watch how the person they offload on usually comes away looking grey or like someone put a hoover in their mouth and sucked the life out of them.

Being aware of the office victim/hypochondriac is the first step in avoidance. You must realise that whatever you do YOU CANNOT MAKE THEM BETTER OR SAVE THEM! The best strategy is to introduce them to a fellow office victim / hypochondriac so they can out ‘woe’ each other. The ultimate outcome of this is that two people will look like they both had hoovers stuck in their mouths and both had the lives sucked out of them. Human prunes, if you like.

Key things to notice about the victim /hypochondriac approach: they pull sad faces when they walk towards you. They will brandish a body part or rub it before they begin to talk about an ailment or an issue. When they talk to you, they make sucking noises through their teeth. The truth is no matter what you do or say their ailment will not get better. Why not suggest that they cut off whatever appendage is bothering them? Actually don’t they might develop a rare case of leprosy.  Instead, why not confuse them with: ‘so tell me about something nice that has happened.’ When they shift their minds to the positive, they will almost combust. These people teach us about boundaries – the lack of them and are of great use in the office because they are always in a state of drama. They provide huge learning by enabling you to realise that you actually have a lovely life comparatively. They also teach us about learning the best way to escape. You can generally be a victim if you have not set boundaries and have handed your power over to someone else.

 

This character enables you to learn to see the bright side, highlighted by their constant negativity filter. In addition, they provide us with incentive to avoid discussing the negative. Instead you realise you want up-beat conversation rather than continual misery.

Truth: no one can save them. Do not try because you will be fighting a losing battle. It is just how they are. Try the following quote with them: if you shine your torch on a turd you will see a turd. Smile and walk away.

 

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At what point does a woman become a COUGAR?

At what point does a woman become a cougar?

Could it be possible that one morning a woman wakes up and thinks that is it! I am fed up of playing by the rules and listening to tales of woe of marriage break ups, unfair splitting of property and how an ex-wife let herself go and thinks I want a man with no baggage? In that moment she has a choice – go for a monk or go for a man who has not been through that emotional carnage. Where are these men? There are bachelors or there is the younger man.

You may wonder where this thought originated from. Well, this weekend it was a friend’s birthday where he reserved a booth in one of the trendy night-clubs. Ten years ago this would have been nothing unusual; however, I am more a go out for dinner and drinks kind of woman now. The club was an elaborately decorated, filled with all manner of beauty, high heels and clothing that revealed more flesh than a butcher. Amongst this celebration of fleshy female expression inebriated young men looked but did not take action. It was during some rather expressive dancing on my part that I ended up chatting to a rather lovely young chap who thought my uncaring expressiveness was a phenomenon. I can see his point because everyone else was too busy taking photographs of themselves for social media and trying to appear to have a good time. Those who were dancing appeared rather self-conscious and as though their arms had been taped down. My attitude is live the moment and have as much fun as you can without care! Anyway as I shimmied and took great pleasure in the erratic forms that my body could create to the music, he asked me where I had learned to dance like it. He said you remind me of a proper raver. Ooops busted, no amount of face cream, or healthy diet and extreme fitness could disguise that I had experienced the first wave of rave. I looked him in the eye and admitted – I was on the dance floor at the time. There was a moment of silence while he calculated. His face travelled through all manner of contortions. Finally he said, ‘amazing! You are cougar!’ It was as if I had raised my status in a second to an older woman who hunts young men. The irony was that I was only dancing, he approached me and I certainly had not attempted to seduce him.

The rest of the night I chatted to a variety of people, please note I was absolutely sober, and it dawned on me that this era is relatively a lonely one. The room was filled with people all appearing and not really talking to each other. In that moment I realised that the world is open to cougardom, if you are that way inclined, because when you reach a certain age, you stop caring what people think about you. I actually reached it in my mid-twenties; however, the advantage is that when you know who you are and are able to chat to people, it opens the world of possibility. In truth so many people are happy that someone talked to them and young men seem particularly pleased when a fit woman with something to say flirts.

I had never really considered the art of being a cougar before. I was of the belief that people naturally gravitate to each other according to how their subtle unconscious signals ‘call’ each other rather than age defined parameters. Obviously there is that and opportunism when the world of alcohol creates cocktail glasses or beer goggles so people are unable to gauge age or anything else. I then reflected on all the men who chase younger models, well why can’t women do the same? Why is it so frowned upon and labelled? If you think about it men have their sexual peak in their early twenties and women in their mid-thirties. Surely that is not an accident. I do wonder about our society and all the rules. Also I wonder at what point the label cougar arrives? Is it five years, ten years or fifteen years? Who cares really – live your life and recognise young men have their benefits!  So maybe that woman who wakes up that morning and things f* it – I want a younger man is simply doing what is natural.

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